So i have surgery next week and usually that would not bother me except its THE surgery triggers my anginophobia. It is a surgery that fix my tracheal stenosis that was caused 7 months ago that was just found last month that has been causing issues for 7 months and everyone somewhat ignored. So now the problem is getting fixed yay right..no!!! The problem is me getting over the anxiety of feeling panicked of feeling suffocated. Each day that gets closer I happier this is closer to being fixed and ready to be on the other side and ready to be back to normal. Then I get more anxious because I am thinking it’s almost that DAY. The day or moment of DOOM.
This constant battle is draining me. The stress is causing some symptoms to catch me off guard but I am actually handling way better than I thought I would. I think partially because I have my plasmapharesis treatments now to make sure I am strong enough for the surgery next week and because I have my family, friends, and blogs to help. I am also trying to keep myself busy, but it is messing with my sleep. I thought my husband was too blame, but that was only partly. I have struggling to sleep because of my anxiety. I cannot get it under control so I am dealing with my anxiety flaring up again.
Only 5 days to go! I can do this! I have no choice, but I know it has to be easier than this! I have to dissociate better than this! I have a fun-filled weekend and 2 more working days (tomorrow and Monday). Hopefully I can get my mind somewhere else.