That Twinge of Doubt ALMOST Got Me

push-up row

So I have moments of weakness with MG. Literal muscular weakness in the physical sense. I pray that they get fewer and farther between treatments and medication. They do and I get happy until I am stressed in some way. For example I have a kidney stone, or mentally stressing over something like when I was in school and had a huge master’s project just to graduate, or even too many small things piling up at one time.

When this happens this exacerbates my condition. I then start having slurred speech and issues swallowing first. This includes smiling, chewing and all processes using the mouth or tongue. Sometimes it bothers my eyes and I have a bit of blurred vision or double vision at times (gets pretty durn scary during rush hour traffic). It then spreads to my upper body and I struggled to do push-ups and abdominal exercises.

2 days ago, after restarting my workout routine (after a 7.5 month hiatus due to tracheal stenosis and just having it surgically fixed last week) I had to show a member at my organization how to do an exercise routine. I have been doing demonstrations even while dealing with issue the whole time but this had cardio and weights and though I was handling it well after doing my own hour long workout that morning I was worried about one exercise in particular…THE PUSH-UP ROW.

Anytime I have to do push-ups I freak out because it my gauge or barometer exercise. I know…you think where are you priorities breathing and eating should come first lady…but in my field you have to be able to practice what you preach. If I cannot do a push-up you look like a failure. I have been known to completely collapse mid push-up because my muscles will not do one due to the MG. It sucks and it is VERY embarrassing. It is a blow to my pride. I want to cry each time. My doctor allows me that one pride boosting measure if you will and helps me get my treatments and medications based around if I can do a push-up. It is very important to me. I am very active and very fit and to not be able to do one bothers me.

Getting back to this issue to days ago I was so worried when I gave this member the workout that I almost did not give her the exercise because I knew I would have to show her and I was unsure of how strong I was. I powered through it and was able to do it! I was excited. I did not do more than a few reps and with a moderate weight considering that I had not done it a LONG time but I was satisfied. I almost let doubt get me.

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