I love the natural sounds of nature. So much so that while listening to the person I love (my husband) I heard the amazing artistic portrait being painted outside my window and began drowning him out until all I could hear was the thunder in my ears and see the lightning between the blinds behind his head. I was listening to the wind howl and picturing the leaves swirling and trees bending and swaying; dancing to the beat of the drums of the sky’s thunder. I was listening to the pitter patter of the rain on the roof and the draining of the water sliding down the glass and tip-toeing down crevices unseen but gurgling nearby. I was excited. These were the sounds that calm me. The sounds that make me happy. I knew I would get some amazing sleep. I even said as much to my husband as he saw the far away look in my eyes and was probably wondering if I was listening to him talk during dinner.
I finished my food. I rushed to do my nightly rituals and then got into the bed. AND BAM! Sleep would not come. I was wide awake. Listening to nothing at all. I had no thoughts. I made sure I wasn’t trying to hard. I made sure my mind was at ease. I was over-tired. This is when I sadly remember I have a MG and that a symptom can be insomnia. This is when my old insomnia of before the this MG disorder resurfaces, this is when the medication that says may cause insomnia says HELLO. Insomnia is everywhere for me! I almost want to cry because I have to be up at 4 am and I have been waking up at 1 hour intervals and have a lot to do the next day. I worry how long the insomnia is coming to stay this time; days, weeks, months, years? With MG I cannot afford to not have proper rest because all of my symptoms will flare and send me into crisis mode.
Thursday night gets a sleepy pain killer since I have a closing shift at work Friday and Friday night I will use my zen music app with all my lovely nature sounds to lull myself to sleep! I will get my thunderstorm dreams where I paint murals of ideas to take action in life.
What’s Your ZEN?