So people underestimate my kindness for weakness often! I find that to be true for a lot of very kind or quiet people. I have learned long ago those are the ones you should be weary of most often. In my case this may be even more true. I have some pretty scary and quite hilarious thoughts of how I would like to punish people who do very rude and mean things to me yet I internalize these things. Today; however, I have decided I will give you a little insight into the warped world of my not so quiet mind. I talk a lot says my #loveme challenge, but you may need to be worried about what it is that I don’t say. I speak about a lot of positive things and even past issues. But if you do not hear me complain or get upset it does not mean that I do not, it means that I place that in another place and deal with it another way. I usually meditate, breathing steadily or give myself a positive self-talk, or give the person the benefit of the doubt to prevent the OLD me from showing up.
You know the one that would like to say that *close your eyes my G rated and Christian folks* that jackass just ran me off the road because they are on the phone. Point and case I had several of those this morning. I was merged on several times not once but twice by a person rocking a handicap placard on their license plate who needed to get over 2 lanes but only put the turn signal on once they realized I had no clue what they were doing. Then I backed way up and suddenly WA LAH they had a turn signal that they knew how to use. and he almost ran another car of the road, lol. Then I get close to my exit and a car behind me decides he wants to speed and get over in the lane I need and ride in my blind spot but I knew he was there because I had been watching him. I do this because cars in the 2 miles before my exit do this often do to my exit being near the airport and people are always confused near the airport exit So as I was about to get over early I signal and he is still riding there and does not slow or speed up now. I slow waaay down. I wanted to curse but I refrained. He is going the same way as I am and turns at the buildings before mine. But the boiling point came 10 seconds before pulling into my parking lot when. The same parking lot the other guy pulled into has 2 entrances. At the other end a jerk pulls out and doesn’t even look and then pulls out slowly as if he had the right of way and the is a ROAD he is pulling into and I had to blow my horn. He succeeded I cursed. I was ready to pull out my weapon. No not a gun,or a knife or my middle finger. I had pulled out the dusty mind’s BITCH SLAPPER. I wanted to slap the fool out of them. All cars were stomping on brakes due to this idiot. He obviously did not want to wait anymore which there was no one behind the car behind me and they were probably distracted. Seriously I care about life even if he doesn’t care about his. I have not had road rage in a while and I will say that I thought that a release like that would feel good but it didn’t it made me feel guilty because it is not who I am anymore. It made me mad because it gave me anxiety, made me go back on a promise I made to myself, and it took me longer than I would like to calm down. Those 3 things bothered me more than the incidents themselves. SMH! Durn morals!