So as promised today we will talk about ‘your flavors’ and the language of sex and love…
Lets start with the really fun stuff…the flavors of sex
We all have different flavors
The flavors of sex refers to your style and presence in the bedroom with your partner. How to you say come hither and turn on your partner? Do you like plain old Vanilla sex? That’s the not so kinky, no toys, no add-ons just plain old 1:1 love with your partner! I still find this pretty kinky if you have the right party if they love positions…Karma Sutra is pretty fun and intimate yet many states and countries look at you as if you ave grown 2 heads for even mentioning such a thing. Yet you have many people who HAVE to try other positions for conception purposes or comfort needs due to their partner’s size. If you were the good Christian and waited until marriage and got to your wedding night and found that your partner had a pretty small or large member you have to accommodate that with special positions that sometimes missionary cannot satisfy you both. Not to mention gets pretty durn boring. Sometimes your partner has other conditions warranting special accommodations so you cannot dismiss why people need these more intimate or in your mind wild positions.
The same goes for the not so vanilla sex. Yes people, there are those who greatly enjoy toys, bondage, and other people in the bedroom. Toys does not always mean huge flying dildos! They can simply mean food, feathers, or small vibrating items. Bondage can simply mean scarves, ties, blindfolds, and yes progress to more extravagant things. As far as other people in the bedroom, this can be more tricky and is something that must be agreed on by all parties and takes a truly mature group. It is not always like you see in movies or ideas of swingers’ clubs or drunken teenage frat college days.
It’s all about perception and your mindfulness. Know your flavor and your desire and talk about it with your partner. If you are adult enough to have sex then you should be adult enough to have such discussions! Do you have an closed relationship, semi-open relationship, or completely open relationship? Know your boundaries!
NOW let’s talk about the language of LOVE
We all speak about sex and love and intimacy differently! You read books about relationships all the time trying to decipher what men are thinking and what women are thinking! But it’s not always as hard as you are making it out to be. I know that again is easier put in writing than when it is actually happening!
First before I begin saying anything about what type of person you may be let’s talk about how men and women respond to each other! Men will say exactly what they mean in most cases but tend to struggle with emotional expression. Women tend to internalize things and hope that men will read our emotions. Sadly both sexes have been taught this behavior. Men have been taught that emotion is weak while women have been taught that they should be emotional and not tell men what to do. So the dilemma is that women are frustrated because they cannot always tell me what they want and expect them to figure out why they feel the way they do. Not to mention if they were bold enough to say something once that men should figure out they are still feeling emotional about it later.
However, men do no process or think in this way. They handle the situation right then and there. They do not dwell on things unless you do and only to try to figure out why you are feeling this way because they are at a loss. They are not mind readers. They have NO CLUE why you are feeling this way. You assume they do and so you go about huffing and puffing and they are trying to satiate you but doing little things and you think they are doing this because they know, but they are doing it because they think they are in trouble and they just want you to stop or be happy. They hope they are fixing the problem, but are clueless. So put them out of their misery and be a MODERN adult and tell them!
Men I an not going to say you have to change your whole code and become a pile of mush but telling your partner here and there she looks nice if she does and doing something special FOR HER sometimes will go a VERY long way. No matter how small. I promise.
We all speak different languages. some of us are givers, takers, talkers, touchy feely, or just prefer to spend time. These equate to the languages of love. People tend to experience love through gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion), and physical touch (intimacy). Some people only know how to express love in one way by giving gifts or by spending quality time, or by telling someone how much they love them and complimenting the all the time and the so on. Some people have more than one language. However, we all have one dominant way even if we have several or possess all 5 languages naturally.
Your language may directly connect with your level of sex!!! If you are a giver but he is not giving you the opportunity to do so in bedroom is this causing a problem? Do you feel muted because you need toys, warming gels, or some form of ‘kink’ you feel to help you feel you are ‘giving’ in the bedroom and he is shutting this down?
The same could be said f the male in the bedroom who may be a taker and use to getting often and she is not but she is a physical touch person. He may be have his signals crossed. He may not understand that intimacy is not always sex. They may be able to find common ground with proper communication.
Communication is the key with all of this! More to come tomorrow where I will talk about sex and the application of your kink!