There are days that I feel like I am just a piece of furniture or an inanimate object here to do the work for others and nothing more. I know I should not feel this way but I do. I feel like this at work and outside of work. I guess another term for this is taken for granted. Like Mrs. Potts there I feel as if I should be catering to people because it is what people demand of me ask of me. I try my best to never complain because I know things can always be worse. I knowing that working in customer service people come to you and expect things to be a certain way and that they have good days and bad days you have to give them the benefit go the doubt as well because they could be coming in having a bad day and maybe your smile and positive interaction could turn it all around for them.
However, that can be hard if someone is always using your place of employment as their way to get rid of their negative vibes which can sometimes be what a wellness/fitness center is. Where people come to melt away the stress. I get some who come in negative and though they may leave better they are not always the friendliest. You feel like they left their coat of ‘mean’ on you the coat rack to wear and kept walking. Like that was perfectly fine. You almost desire not to interact with them anymore. Sometimes I try to make it my mission during their workout to brighten their day anyway with a smile or a nice hello anyway or something. Then quickly walk off.
Half the reason I do this more now than I use to is because my regional director pushed us to years ago only he had no idea how some people responded to us doing this. It even resulted in people putting nasty things about some of us in surveys saying we talk too much interrupting their workouts. I was like see what happens when grumpy people don’t want to be talked too. Have one conversation and they will hold it like lava for months until the next survey and pretend it was the worst experience of their lives. Then it makes you almost never want to talk to anyone ever again.
Then outside of work I get those moments when I am taken for granted! I’m forgotten about more often than I would like to say when plans are made and I see many friends together in pictures and I’m like dang guys when was this? They were like you are always busy…and that is code for in the last 2 years for SICK. Which hurts! I am stable now so I try to reach out to everyone and say so since the beginning of the summer and say hey lets chill and do this or that but now everyone seems ROOTED! It’s as if now that I am stable no one is going anywhere or doing anything and when they are it was a surprise they didn’t expect to go to or very last minute…I feel so disconnected. It’s as if people are afraid of me or my illness and handling me with kid gloves which is a bit annoying. I’m grown and I will let you know when I cannot handle something.
Then there are those who say she is tough…she can do it all and don’t pitch in at all even when I say I need help…I don’t get that at all! I call them, beg them, and ask them to help with something and they say they will (lip service) and then when it’s time for them to help me because they swear, “I should not be doing so much all the time and need to rest sometimes” they are no where to be found! These people amaze me as well! I just do not get them! Why offer a lie, or open your mouth, why not just say no I have no intention of helping like other people I know. At least they are honest. You won’t hurt my feelings by being honest, at least then I won’t be sitting there waiting around looking stupid thinking help is coming when in actuality I will be doing it by myself and later than I wanted because I actually waited on YOU!
I know this post is not very like me but lately I have been feeling very beat and whipped upon lately. Like I have endured a bit more than I would care to take lately. Not more than I can bear because the Lord would not do this, but more than usual lately. I don’t like to complain but, yes today, I am doing a bit of that purely out of hurt and sadness. I’m feeling all used up of my positiveness and need a good refill! I need a pick me up! I can hardly wait until vacation in less than 4 weeks! I needs it I have not had more than 2/3 day vacation in over 3 years not even for my honeymoon sadly thanks to this illness.