The Little Big Trip!

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Hehehe the title just makes me laugh! Yes I’m a dork and I’m okay with that! So I am excited because my husband and I have not been on a good trip in quite some time. We will be going on a good 5 day 4 night trip up north to visit family and friends. The main goal was centered around my little brother whom I only get to see every few years. He is incarcerated. This is quite hard for me to say because people look at you sometimes as if it is a disease you can catch when you say someone close to you in in prison and for a long period of time. They always want to know why, how , and so on. If you do not tell the and they find out for themselves they draw their own conclusions. However, I never care much either way because unless you speak to him yourself and you are God you do not know enough to make such a call to Judge that man.

He is doing his time and he is my brother. I love him and I always will. I get excited to see him and It’s been about 4 years since the last time I saw him. He is the only one that knows my life leading up middle school. And outside one year in middle school and a few months here or there due to trips and special camps we attended independent of each other we were always together until I went to college.

I always feel bad that more of his family does not get up there to see him more often or even try but hey to each their own. They have their reasons and I will not beg them or ask them. They will not mar my trip with their neutral or negative feelings.

I love planning and organizing so not only are we going there since we can only visit on Tuesday and Thursdays but we will also visit some people my husband have not seen since he was very young. Some family members he has not seen since he was a teen or younger. We will go and enjoy them. I have never been to Pennsylvania so this will be fun and I get to cross it off my bucket list (a state I have never been to). I also think we may try to go to a play or something in NY while we are near the area but we will see. It depends on how I feel. I don’t want to overdo it. I want to make sure there are plenty of things to do but also plenty of time for us to feel relaxed and enjoy each other! That is always important for both of us! We have learned that on our little trips lately. I guess that’s all a part of getting older! I don’t care I love it! Sitting on porches of cabins in the mountains sipping hot cocoa in rocking chairs. Or finding hidden treats that I saw on on the travel channel or heard about from a local that makes some place really romantic and secret.

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I can hardly wait!

Being a Couple with an Introvert

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So it finally dawned on me…I have an introvert on my hands no matter how I slice it and even more so will not get use to being invited to social functions. I am a social creature and this is commonplace for me. I am use to being invited to many functions and even having to turn some down because they are on the same date or because they just too many offers around the same time and I know I will need rest (not necessarily always due to MG but because I am HUMAN, LOL). I am there are times I am booked every weekend for like 2 months and then I have already have 1-3 doctor appointments each week and then I am squeezing in  family dinners every Sunday and then lunch dates with girlfriends and special dinners for this or that for friends and birthday celebrations during the week and so on. So yea it can be a lot.

The funny part is that my husband is almost always invited and he is somehow not use to this. He tells me where he came from this is not normal. I told him honey in most adult relationships this is common and that usually when you go to social events when you invite part of a couple the other is the “plus one”, assumed to come, or outright asked to come. Especially when you are married. However, I can see how he gets confused by this as with a few of his friends this is NOT the case. I am definitely not invited to things and it is not assumed that I show up. It’s been like that since before I ever knew them.

My husband is the type of introvert that plays on his phone the entire time he is in a social setting because he is nervous. If he is not allowed to play on his phone he will engage others in conversation and you ‘may’ be able to tell he is nervous but most won’t. He is quite the little extrovert when he begins to talk. However, it’s getting him to stop once he starts, LOL. He begins to ramble I think because he’s nervous. When he is not doing that he is stuck to my side like GLUE. I tell him go network and get to know people. He just says I will sit here I’m ok. I float and mingle and talk. Notice I never used the word SHY…He’s not a shy person, he just does not like to be around a lot of unfamiliar people. I told him the only way to break such a barrier is to to talk to them and find common ground. I never know all the people in a room either but I do not like always just sitting when I know sometimes great things come from meeting new people. It’s not always about who you know but it can help your chances. I keep telling him that as he is always talking about who he could know and what he wants in life yet he refuses to go the extra steps sometimes. He knows that my family and friends know some well connected people for certain fields and he should take advantage of what he can while he can. I’m not saying ask them to to help but while already in social environments get up and engage them.

My introvert is always talking about all the money that can be made and running a business but that takes initiative and drive. I know several powerful executives and authoritative people who are introverts who do not like social engagements or even loathe them but do what must be done to get the job done. My husband will need to learn that what I am dong with our friends and family is prep work for the big leagues. He should get used to it and take those bigger leaps when the opportunity rises and they are coming soon. Yes the extrovert in me is being pushy, LOL.

One of My Favorite Things…MG Tools

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One of my favorite MG tools is my crockpot. Though this is a tool that helps save time for most anyone whether you have MG or not. If you asked me if I EVER saw myself using one when I was younger I would have said NEVER. The reasons were because they were hard to clean back in the day due to them being all in one and never having and the type of material that they were made of. Moreover, I also thought of them as preparing old people foods such as soups, roasts, and the like. I like soups but I am not a fan of roasts really.

However, now with the invention of crockpot liners, ceramic crockpots, and the fact that they are able to be in more than one piece so you can wash them more easily helps me want to use them even more so. Furthermore, I have found some of the most amazing recipes lately that I have been cooking up a storm in the last year. Most people, women, do not ask their husbands for a crockpot for their anniversary but I did. I wanted to be able to cook more and was tired of not being able to do more around the house. I am very used to doing th majority of the house work and cooking so when I get super tired and could not I was not happy with eating out all the time. So I started doing research adn looking on one of my favorite websites (allrecipes.com). They had all these slowcooker/ crockpot recipes and recipes I knew I could modify to become crockpot recipes. So I did. I could put food in there in the morning and when I got home it would be a meal. And on the days I wanted to be an ‘old’ person I could have soup, lol.

My husband was thrilled and he enjoyed the  news things I created and of all the things I asked for it was one of the cheapest things a person could ask for it more than paid for itself. At this point he is like you need a bigger one so he can have bigger portion sizes, LOL. He bought me a 6 quart one and that can feed a family easily but he eats so many servings in one setting sometimes that I have to make extra food over the course of two days. The man is a very thin and works hard but can put it away and only God knows where!

I have learned that some of my favorite recipes on the stove can be put in the crockpot now so that I can reserve my energy and that has made me a happy camper and my husband as well. I have gotten in a good rhythm and I am so happy that I am able to do better with balancing work and home chores.

Errands, Rams, and Blisters

SO to say that I had a long day today would be an understatement. It started long before I would have liked with several wakeful urges to open my eyes though I was still very sleepy. Then I realized my husband was still lying there and asked why he was still there though he was supposed to be going to work and he jumped up and got dressed in like 5 minutes and ran out the door.

I laid back down only to realized that I had to go to the bathroom. Then I came back to bed bed and tried to sleep again. I dozed off for what seemed like 2 minutes and an hour later my alarm went off to remind me to take my meds. Then I saw a text from my mom asking me what when I could take her to run some errands. I said today or tomorrow as long as I was home today by 4ish. So we decided today would work.

We went to several stores but it made me more tired than I had thought it would. I think this was because I was not quite awake yet. After going through the stores for a about an hour or so and not finding what she needed, I decided to try my luck at some things I was thinking about for a while. I went to Spencer’s to find some games for my next game night. I have to say I just up’ed the ante for those coming over. We play plenty of crazy games that are intended to either get to know everyone better, drunk (if they want), or both and I just bought 2 new awesome ones.

After that my mom and I came home and watched The Chase on the Game Show network and played that together. It was fun. Then she left and I had to get ready to go to the UNC v. Wake Forest Football game. I have been excited to go for a while I was going to meet some friends there and I love UNC. I love their basketball more but UNC all the same. However, once we got there I should have known something was up when thing started going a bit strange. First parking was a bit off and we ended up a mile (literally) away from the stadium. Then the gate we came in was all the way on the other side of from our seats but whatever we were third row from the field and could talk to the players coming on the field and everything.

THEN IT HAPPENED…

THE OBNOXIOUS FANS!

There is a difference between excited, drunk, funny, dumb, and OBNOXIOUS!

I went to ECU heck I know. LOL!

We scream BULLSH*T at the ref when they make a bad call even on televised ESPN games, LOL. Yet here we were!

THE FANS THERE WERE ONLY TWO!

One guy was so drunk that he literally got so excited that (or so he says) that he put his hand on my head and shook it HARD from like I had on a durn helmet. Then after 10 minutes and several hard stares because I was about to punch him in the face and was about to come over my seat since no one did anything he says, “sorry I just get so excited sometimes” and the liquor on his breathe almost knocked me out! He definitely was not 21 and I am sure he was a student. He screamed the WHOLE game which; that i can deal with, but then he started slurring and making obscene comments and gestures and asking me to tell my friend that she has Big butt and saying he just wanted to grab it. Mind you there are kids all around. We have no idea who he is. I switched seats at this point because I told my husband I’m going to go to jail in about 2 seconds if I do not get away from this BOY because again I know he is not 21 and now I’m not sure if he can even be considered 18 and he keeps saying how he has airplane bottles in his pockets. He later then pulls my husband’s hat twice. And still later rubs his whole butt on me while trying to leave but before I could grab him he had already walked by.

Then there was another fan who managed to indirectly bother us, lol. He was more funny than anything but still bothered my friends. He was so drunk (and also had airplane bottles with him spiking his beer) that he got in a yelling match with a guy like 6 people away cursing but the other guy was barely saying anything back and made him look like a jerk. He was like dude it’s not that serious calm down…and because he was so drunk he was cursing and screaming and balled his fists up and was standing and saying how you guys don’t know what he’s putting me through and everyone’s like you are right but you you are the one looking dumb right now!

A man with kids behind him was like there are kids…my kids and you need to calm down and watch your mouth. He sat down. Then his girlfriends starting crying saying she was embarrassed, lol. He tried to console her. Eventually she stopped crying but wanted to go to the car. I thought it was over UNTIL…he was so sloppy drunk he spilled his whole 24oz drink on the side of BOTH their legs (her dress) and then down the back of the bleachers seat my friends were sitting on which luckily didn’t get their bottoms wet just the leg of the pants and the bottoms of purses. But boy were those things drenched. His poor girlfriend start bawling then. Mainly because she was embarrassed again and because he was so drunk that he almost didn’t notice until the cup was empty, LOL.

Then the walk back gave me blisters…SO

Yea…THAT was my day! Needless to say it may be a while before I go back to a UNC game even though they won!

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LIVE LAUGH LOVE

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If you asked me where I thought I would be in today at 30 years old. I would have this elaborate drawn out life plan of how I thought my life should be with a husband, children, the perfect job, and all my debts paid. I would be happy as pie nesting my little life away.

However, this is not where I am and about a year ago due MG I had a panic attack from anxiety about this. I seriously lost it crying and upset because this almost seemed to impossible at the time. Yes, I was married but nothing else seemed to be going like I wanted. Including that diagnosis, which was adding more debt to my already huge school debts.

So after I had a long cry and settled myself down. I had to think to myself again about the positive. About all my accomplishments. Then I had to say what can I still accomplish. It may not be in the same time frame that I had in mind but is is it still possible and is there another way to do it?

I was more determined to try new things.My husband and I had to start trying to do things together but he was so busy with his new job that I could not bother him.  SO I starting finding little shops and places on Groupon and Living Social on my own to do. Having also just moved I found all these new places to go. I also re-evaluated how I travel because travel is not dead and there is no excuse not to go places.

Organization and planning has always calmed me, I enjoy such things. I find that planning trips and activities are fun. I planned more games nights with family and friends at my house. I planned more dinners. I also planned more out of town trips and said yes to more local events that  my friends/ family invited me to. I still take it in moderation because overdoing things without rest can flare my MG but I definitely enjoy life so much more now without the heavy time limits that I was confined to before.

I am definitely just happy to know that God has a plan for me and that if it is mean to be it will be and for now it seems he has a different timing for my life and these things that I desire are coming just not now.

Was I thinking too loudly for you?

REFLECTION FROM A FEW YEARS AGO…

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I am telling you sometimes I feel like I am too smart for my own good! I don’t say that to brag but to say that it is a both a gift and curse. Sometimes I almost wish for ignorance because the bliss that comes along with it is almost worth it. That calm, that carefree satisfaction of nothingness. However, there are times where I feel that being in a room when where you are known for sometimes over speaking your opinion and people expect you to be the one to say something is also just as bad so I bite my tongue many times as I have had to learn to do. No one likes a person that always has something to say either. The person who always must intercede and ooze antagonistic condescending comments on the ignorant or silly people. It’s not usually necessary either.

However, there are times when you are that person in the room that people are BEGGING to say something because they all refuse to and they want it to end. They need you to balance it out. LOL. I did not know this existed in people until I moved away from my younger brother to go to undergrad. He is that person who has no filter. Much like I definitely later developed to the umpteenth degree. So when I moved away and then he moved away from my parents house they had no one to balance this is their home when people came over that where ignorant, overstayed their welcome, called the house annoyingly, or showed up  unexpectedly. My brother was notorious for letting them have it for being rude, while usually being overly rude himself. It was both highly mean but in a way (sadly) quite amusing on some level. It was a spectacle to behold.

Later, when I developed this same sense I tried to defend my behavior by saying that though I was brash in my manner, I was educated in my doing so and that I was being firm and not screaming obscenities. I had used the same in your face tactic but with different words. I later finessed this to be more corporate in my execution over time. So that it almost sound like I was laying someone off nicely, LOL. Like the movie ‘Up in the Air’ with George Clooney and Anna Kendrick.

Now people knowing both styles, still look to me and almost bait me into situations that make me scream. They dare me to say something with their eyes. I can see it. They are smirking across the room and rolling their eyes the air in the room has become palpable. I can hardly breathe I am so ready to burst. At these moments of biting my tongue I am beyond corporate negotiations…I’m at raging lunacy much like my brother…I’m almost frothing at the mouth. My brother would nearly pass out from laughter. My husband would call it the 30 minute workout…Where you joke someone (on pick on them for 30 minutes straight without stopping).

I am ready for my one-sided boxing match to begin. This rodeo gate needs to open! I am ready for the bell to sound to I can go…People are ready for me to do the dirty work and to get some amusement. I am struggling with my inner demons not to say a work because I cannot let this ‘genius’ win. My eye is twitching, and I breathe.

As if he can hear everything I have been thinking for the last hour he turns to me after having his back to me and says, I’m sure you do not like me, or anything I have said! I understand how you can feel that and that’s fine!

I laughed…I laughed maybe too hard, and he cocked his head to the side and looked at me with an uneasiness that said you know what maybe I pushed her a bit to far. I saw the strange look in his eyes and the change in his body language. He no longer looked comfortable. I actually had no intention of EVER putting a finger on him. (though I thought about a million different scenarios, LOL). Laughing actually made me realize how tense I had been that my medium brown skin was almost white from gripping the chair and that I had finally released it and relaxed a bit. The irritation and everything he was had said was gone because I was NO LONGER LISTENING. However, this poor man had stopped talking halfway through my realization from my laughter.

I told him to continue. He said in a quivering voice…I’m ok. I um think that I owe you an apology and I will not waste anymore of your time. My Jaw almost drop, but I caught myself. I ask him he felt ok and he said yes, that he had to get to a meeting and that he would contact us later. However, We have not heard from him again. Working at that facility back then was fun but that was probably the strangest moment I have ever encountered.

It’s the Little Things…Pass the LOVE!

How I love remembering the little. They can really make or break someone or a something. They can make a relationship blossom or fail. They can be the difference between I love you and I cannot stand to look at you anymore. A person who can remember every date that you first met and anniversary can be both a good an bad thing. If they choose to celebrate every little one and make you do so as well and then hold you accountable for not remembering the anniversary of the first time you guys kissed or held each other’s hands, LOL. However, knowing the date for you may be special and putting a thoughtful collage together for your first dating anniversary guys would be cute. Just not every year at every anniversary.

The little things are also just doing things just because. Those moments when you go above and beyond for your loved ones and friends because you care. Such as taking them out to dinner or offering to watch their kids so they can have a date night. Or even just calling to say you love them or giving them a hug. These things can really offer a person some warm and comfort even when they did not realize they needed them sometimes.

Or simply going by a stranger that day and telling them how handsome or beautiful they look gracefully of course. I’m not saying drooling over them or making it seem as if you are trying to flirt with the person if you are married but saying such things goes a long way for a person’s self-esteem and sometimes their whole day.

Remember, we do not always know what others are going through and sometimes a kind word, thought, or gesture can go a long way and makes a person feel appreciated and loved in ways you could never fathom.

Pass the LOVE!

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TRY THIS! Headphones with No Music! OBSERVATION EXPERIMENT!

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The next time you are in a crowded area or a place that interest you and you don’t have much to do just put your headphones in (with your device of course) with no sound. JUST OBSERVE. I’m not saying eavesdrop necessarily but watch how people react differently when they believe you cannot hear them or you are not paying attention to them. They may start looking into you phone. talking about private conversations. they may say random, funny, and even rude things right beside you about you or others because they thing you cannot hear them.

Moreover, watch how most people will leave you alone to your thoughts so that you can really take in the world. I tend to do this in the places I do not like to be most often to make the experience a bit more enjoyable. Yes, this includes Wal-Mart…though I still don’t like it…it just makes the experience a bit more bearable.

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It’s also fun to see people do random things when you have headphones in as if because you cannot hear that suddenly you cannot see as well. I have never understood that phenomenon. So you believe that I am blind too because I have headphones in. Do deaf and blind really go together every time? People are so ignorant. I watch people suddenly stand right in front of me and do funny and disgusting things. Ranging from running into people, tripping over things (and looking to see if anyone saw it), stealing, pranking people, digging up their nose, scratching random places, and even indecent public displays of affection that would likely get you arrested if people knew…

Sometimes I wonder why did that just happen in front of me? Then I just try to politely get up from my front row seat and walk away as if I did not notice and keep walking. However, if you ever need an interesting blog, picture, moment to think about human nature, just walk through a park your favorite public space and do this. You would be amazed. I see some of the most kindest gestures happen. I see some of the sweetest moments between couples old and young. I see babies and animals playing. I see kids in their purest and most innocent phases enjoying life.

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I watch people interacting with life as it was meant to be without you reacting to them. It is truly both a great experience and interesting one. So try it when you have some time.

Stomping on Eggshells and Tiptoeing on Rocks

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So I find it funny when people who know me well still fight to find the balance of what they can say around me and what they cannot. Most of my closest friends and family understand that I fight life with humor. So they know that I joke about my conditions and issues. Some outsiders looking in may find some of the jokes to be a bit crude. Especially as many of them are from me…A psychologist may say that I am trying to beat them to the punch or covering up my vulnerability or something…The funny part is that I have a degree in psychology and that is not the case at all. I actually find humor in a lot of the dumb/ silly things I do and say because I love to make people laugh and comfortable around me.

Now I get that if you are too crude or over the top that this can have the opposite effect and that can actually make others uncomfortable. So you make people feel like dang she is overcompensating, sadistic, dark, etc…However, most of my jokes are pretty light and I try to keep them fairly sparse. The funny part is when others make a joke and take it over board. They are the ones who you then look at like well dang…

I have had people I barely know say things about MG, chronic disorders, or mental illness (without knowing I have it or am more sensitive to the issue) say really crude things right in front of me. Those are the ones that get me. They happen to be some of people quite well. So before I ever divulge anything about myself I try to ask them why they feel that way or shed a positive light on the situation to see if maybe they feel any different after giving them some education.

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Point and case: 

While watching the episode of #Empire last week Kelly Rowland’s character who is mentally ill was having was having a bipolar episode specifically a depressive state and it was dramatic. As I was sitting there watching the comment was made, “D*mn so bipolar just make you sit there looking crazy and sh*t like that!” After stating, “That b*tch crazy” for sitting in a trance like state with her hair disheveled ignoring her child in a unkempt. I said well actually people with bipolar have manic and depressive states and that was a depressive state and depression comes in different levels and yes it can look like that where people are almost rendered helpless and do not move and cannot move and commit to daily functions for themselves. I was a bit taken aback by the person who said it especially since they knew my biological mother and brother are both bipolar…they did not even think about the comment. But I simply kept my cool and explained it and said this is why we need to change how people see mental illness.

I cannot get mad that they did not know this. More t.v. shows need to reach our society that our generation is watching. This happens to be a good one. I just try really hard to educate everyone I run across though I know I cannot save them all!