The age old battle of the wits! I believe that we are a culmination of both. I find that yes before a certain age we are a product of both. However, I also believe that we become more a product of nurture as we can then choose to allow what nurtures our being. I choose what parts of my family lifestyles nurture my soul and being. For example, as I was a child I was not sure where certain behaviors came from within me. My stick-to-it-ive-ness as my mother (who is actually my aunt) calls it. She calls me TCJ or TC Junior it’s my Grandfather’s initials. She says he was a determined man and that I tend to be just like him. I am slow to anger but when I do…It’s pretty bad.
As I have grown older, I have learned that I enjoy being around those who can contribute to my learning and who I am as a woman. People say that if you adopt a child you run the risk of getting a bad seed. However, the same is true if you bore the child yourself. So you cannot live in fear of such things. You cannot say that just because you or your family is perfect or not perfect that someone else down the line or a recessive trait cannot be passed to your child. However, it is all about how you nurture that child and later how that child decides to see life and nurture their own growth.
As a child who taken in by my Great Aunt and Uncle I have always felt like one of their own. Nothing less. They have never made us feel left out or any different than their own children. We felt quite comfortable calling their own two children brother and sister. The authorities at school even would call us by their last name knowing it was not our last name but that we did not mind, lol. The only people who were confused were people who did not know me well and thought that I looked like my ‘dad’ (uncle) and realized later that he was not in fact blood related to me, lol. Or people who actually knew my biological parents and but did not realize for some odd reason that I had not lived with them my whole life.
However, I will say that my biological mother still was in my life for a lot of my life. She tried to keep in touch. And now being sober and clean for nearly a decade she has constantly been in my life.
With that being said I have done a lot of reflecting. I have sat and wondered what I have taken from my my surroundings. I have learned that I have allowed myself to be nurtured by all my core parents in one form or another.
I take my dad’s (uncle) critical eye in life. I can be a bit jaded at times but I tend to silently mull things over. I have also decided that I must inspect every aspect of things. I am curious, I must know how things are…Though this I believe is part of all 3 parents he taught me how to research it. He taught me that you must know as much about a subject before you act, speak, or decide on it.
I take from my mom (aunt) the very sensitive, loving, caring and nurturing side. I want to help and heal the world. I am sometimes and enabler. I want to fix everything. I spread myself too thin. There are all things I learned from her, lol. Her heart is just SO big. She loves without fault. She is an advocate for anyone who cannot do for themselves. She is a fighter!
And from my birth mom I take her stand up take no mess attitude, her fight to get things done, and her dominance. She is a very straight forward woman and that is something I like about her. Though I have learned how to do it with a great finesse, she taught me that you cannot let people walk all over you even when you have been in the worst situations in life. Sometimes I have to remind her of that, that no matter where you have been or what you have done, you still deserve respect!
Though there are down sides to each of these sides I would have to say that the good still outweighs the bad any day, so much so that I refuse to stop any day.