Why Madam Are You Drunk?…Depends!

When asked if I was drunk I simply say it depends! And when people say you are not stupid you know what I am asking I simply state back no I do not! I could be implying many things and I prefer you be straight forward.

To me it depends on what you are accusing me of having drank, LOL. I could have overindulged in the very best water, juice (non-fermented), or simply LOVE DRUNK!

I even enjoy virgin daiquiris and virgin pina coladas. So to ask me if I am drunk by insinuating that I may have had too much to drink, well my bell may be sloshing with lots of liquids and I may indeed need to use the ladies facilities soon, but to insinuate that I am under the influence of alcohol merely because I am a silly person giggling is unfair. I do this without thinking because I am very cheery person. As you can infer, I am a silly prankster/ comedian of sorts!

HOWEVER; to follow me as a cop from a restaurant because you saw me order what you thought was a drink, saw me have some good laughs with a friend, and climb into a car behind the wheel, I know you felt you were doing your job…. I thank you for this! I wish there were more like you who did this check. However, next time, since you not on duty, (and I offered) please, just check my bill as it says non-alcoholic beside the drink, LOL. This way we no one feels silly later or time is not wasted.

The Hug of a Lifetime…


Have you ever had a ever anticipated a moment that you know would come and dreamed of how it would go once it got there but it was nothing like how it should have been yet it was still somehow still going to the be greatest thing ever. This is how being able to hug my brother is going to be this weekend. I haven’t seen him in about 3-4 years and I have not touched him in over a decade. The last few times I saw him locked up I just kept thinking what it would be like to touch him. Just to hug him.

For him to know what it feels like to have that closeness with loved ones. He will finally get to know that now after all this time and I finally get to have that. I ave waited for this moment so long that every time I think about it I tear up. Sadly, I also tear up at thinking about the fact that it will also end and that I will only have a short time with him before I have to watch them take him away and again. It chokes me up every time.

It’s like watching a piece of me be stolen every time. Some people would probably ask me if it is that painful to deal with why do it at all? I say it is because of love for my brother and for him to know and feel that love. For this is all he has to hold on to while he is locked away. I understand he has committed a crime and so does he, but people need to understand that he is human and is paying his debt and still has human desires such as the need to feel and desire love.

Regardless I would him all day if I could! If only we could be like the image in that picture forever in my mind! That’s still how I see him…That’s how I see us! ~Sigh

You Wouldn’t Like Me When I’m HANGRY!


Why do people like to poke a sleeping bear or taunt animals when they haven’t eaten for days on end as if this will make them perform better. This only makes them unpredictable. This is the same of humans. I feel completely outside of myself unable to control my actions and I no longer apologize for my actions because I totally warn people to stop getting in my way when I trying to get to my food. When you see me getting ready to take a few bites of my food or I say I am hungry yet you are the driver and you ignore me, you are taking your own life in your hands.


I am not responsible for your feelings, your sanity, or an physical actions that occur in the midst of my HANGER! This includes tantrums, kicked car interiors (backs of car seats, dashboards, doors, ceilings, etc…–kidding but I have thought about it and stomped my feet in protest), screaming, poking, silent treatments, nausea/ motion sickness/ vomiting (from lack of eating which has happened), gas, incredible strength just before incredible weakness, and finally LACK OF HELP IN ANY SITUATION!

If you refuse to make sure I am fed I will make sure I cannot be of any help what so EVER! You need what? When? Where? What happened? This goes where? That looks heavy! Oh you wanted me to order you something too? You mean to tell me that you needed to rest after that trip my bad I thought you said it was okay for them to come over!?! *blinking blankly*


This is only excusable if you are an innocent! This means someone who cannot fend for themselves or take care for themselves like a child, an animal, or the elderly. I will gladly check my Hanger and go into HANXIETY for them and wait to eat.


Though this is a risky move, and I am sure it is all a black void at the time, but later when we still have all survived and we have found all the little animals and I still have all my friends and family, the benefits outweigh the bad.

The Building is Alive and it Has Tantrums!


Have you ever seen the movie Mr. Mangorium’s Wonder Emporium? It is one of my favorite movies. It’s about a toy shop that is upset that it’s owner is trying to leave and it throws a tantrum in protest. You may say how is this possible? Well the walls bulge and bubble and change to ugly colors. The toys and equipment will not stay in their places and misbehave. Nothing cooperates.

Well This is how my job is! The building throws tantrums much the same way. In the first 5 months of working here my boss left for his first vacation and mysterious holes appeared in the walls. Then the mirror was shattered by the smallest tap (that normally would have never caused such a thing). Equipment decided to have total meltdowns that could not seemingly be duplicated. We had to show it who was boss.

Then on another occasion, the water decides to flood under the floor of the locker room in our second year.

Yet another occasion, glass doors decide from random bumps and tugs that they want to fall the hinges at weird angles, but not completely off. The door came off one of it’s hinges and was still connected at it’s other hinge and had to be secured by a weight lifting bench until after hours maintenance could be called to secure our facility as this was a matter of security to our front door.

Again, all these things managed to happen every time my former PM was not there. We always had to call him to update him and tell him the decision that was made by ourselves, our liaison, or the company depending on how bad the ‘building was behaving”. It was incredible. I have never seen a building behave so badly.

Now the tantrums can no longer be confined to just the my area, since my former program manager left in the last 13 months. It has spread to the ENTIRE building, LOL. There has been fires on the fourth floor, water pipes bursting, and countless other things. I’m not sure this building can be tamed, LOL. Where is a new apprentice when you need them that can whipped this building back in shape. It has been very naughty, and needs someone with special powers to figure out just what it needs to keep it calm!

Back in My Day…Old People Are Funny!

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Being around older people gives me the best moments of my life. Some people get anxiety or feel annoyed by being around older people. I enjoy it. There were times when I use to feel this way too but I think we all get this way when we are teenagers or young adults because we want to be independent and distance ourselves.

Now all I see is COMEDY GOLD!


My parents make me come so close to wetting my pants laughing at them that I seriously alter the times at which I take my MG medication sometimes because I have laughed too much just so I can stop slurring or swallow to eat because I have over-stressed my facial and throat muscles messing with them.

So I try to go over to see my parents every Sunday usually for family night to have dinner but mainly to gather and talk even if no dinner is served. Many times I help my parents catch up on things they may need help with like the ever changing enemy called TECHNOLOGY. It is always eluding them and since it is always changing ti is quite funny to watch the way they interact with it,

I still remember my dad struggling with his first iPad and my 6 yr old nephew (who was 2 at the time) went over and showed him how to turn it on and swiped it and showed him where his kiddie apps were on my mom’s iPad. I almost died because my dad was in the dark and was mumbling under his breath about not knowing why my mom did not tell him the code and how he she had too much stuff on it and how he was supposed to find anything on it.

Last night the interaction between my parents about technology and the two of the trying to communicate why something was not working was even funnier. He wasn’t understanding why she could not get her printer and computer working correctly…he was used to his IT people these things at work so he had no concept of it himself and she was getting frustrated. Then I fixed it and he was pulling apart things and she was about to knock him out and he was oblivious as usual, LOL. This is his nature, he doesn’t really do it on purpose he just kinda expects this to happen sometimes and it does because he has a wonderful family or team behind him but that doesn’t mean we don’t wanna pluck him upside the head sometimes.

Then since his retirement he got a new email address. He is so used to being in the thick of things with his work email that he would get hundreds of emails per day. So he thought his email was broken when he did not get one for over 24 hours. I laughed after testing it for him twice. I said um old man…it’s a new email that no one has…not even spammers, be glad, you just do not have any email.

The thing that topped it all was hangin with my grandmother this week. She is always able to put some great laughs in my memory banks to hold on for days/ years to come. That woman never ceases to amaze me in what she will say or do. She is always genuinely amazed by what technology can do. She is always in awe of what I do and how old I am, lol. I love telling my grandmother things, it makes me feel like a child showing my parents my macaroni art. She has M.S. and so her memory tends to come in and out at times. She’s a feisty 72 years young and loves fashion, God, music, and a good thriller movie. She is also very adventurous. But she loves to learn, even though as she gets older and with M.S. she forgets a lot. So while we visited her this week she asked me why i kept taking a picture of myself every time I picked up my phone. She sad surely I did not teach you to be that self absorbed. I laughed so hard I almost fell over in my chair. I said no grandma you did not, I have a facelock on my phone. She looked at me with her head cocked to the side and said, “a what now?” I explained that it was a facial recognition. Then I remembered who I was talking to and said It my phone recognizes my face just like a code you can type in and unlocks it so I can use it. This makes it harder for someone if they steal it.


Then every time I did it after I explained it she laughed! She said why does technology have to be so complicated? I said because some thieves won’t stay DUMB. LOL! And because as humans we always want something to be better and closer to a more real experience…In other words we get lazier!

I’m Ready! I’m Ready! I’m Ready!


I am telling I can hardly believe it, I am so in countdown mode. Though this is bigger than sitting at home but smaller than my trip to London I am telling you the excitement is the same right now. I have not had a real vacation in so long it matters not. I need this vacation like fish need water. This vacation could have been a stay-cation and I would have been just as relived but I am glad to be getting away for a bit too, because I really wanted to visit a few people. I can explore anywhere, seeing family is special!

I am 5 days away! I could not be happier! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and see the anxiety like a nesting doll that I can remove layer by layer until I get to the very concentrated center that holds most delicate and detailed center! It’s like I can be ok to expose that raw emotion at that point because I have deserved it and the hard shell can finally come off and the center of me can finally enjoy ‘herself’ with no regrets or issues.

My symptoms are there are variable right now but they are manageable and I are steadily getting closer to my 12 week goal so all in all I pretty happy.

KaraoCANT..Fun Dips, Hurricanes, & Caribbean Magic


I’m telling you there is nothing like the powerful magic of a good ole Friday the 13th. Everything I had planned did not happen and force I am glad! I had hoped to sit on my couch and watch horror movies on the chiller and science fiction channels. I was prepared to just veg and watch enjoy that. However, a friend texted me early in the day and asked if I had dinner plans. At first I was like bummer I have the closing shift and do not get off until 8pm. BUT if they could wait until 8pm then I was game.

OMG, my friend texted back that was fine. I GOT a much needed night out! I was so giddy I almost forgot I still had to work 4.5 more hours. I was on cloud nine. I had not had a one on one with anyone in so long besides my husband that I had forgotten what it was like to enjoy anyone else’s company. We got there and despite everything that was said I could not see fault in how she looked. She looked amazing. I could not possibly let her think she was unworthy of any man! I missed her so much!

I ordered my fun dip martini which tasted like the old school fun dip candy and enjoyed it to no end. She had her hurricane. Then I got my Caribbean jerk wings and she got her entree and we began pouring our souls out to one another. We had a lot of catching up to do. It felt amazing. I needed that stress reliever, I did not realize until last night how much anxiety I had let build up inside of me. We both needed that pick me up. We also made plans to hang out again tonight. We need a good game night. This will be with more outside friends but we needed that time to ourselves.

But apparently no night was complete without a nice silly moment. I always have them no matter what! In the midst of my constant silly moments last night, calling the waiter by random names because I seriously NEVER caught his name and he looked like a Javier (one of my random attractive) names for men I seemed to get sillier as the night went on. You would say, the power of alcohol. I actually need no alcohol, my friends will tell you. I started commenting on a baby in the restaurant and his strange and magical laugh/cry that had me in stitches. Then a DJ was setting up karaoke. It was a horrible fail and we only stayed for 1 song that was sang and 2 songs she DJ’ed. In the restaurant before she came in there was already music playing and it was decent and we found ourselves at times during the night singing or swaying/dancing to it while talking. However, once she came her music was so loud in this place we could not even hear ourselves think. I mean the place is a nice restaurant but it is not that big and she seemed to refuse to turn it down because she really wanted people to pay attention to her and what she was doing refusing them the opportunity to talk, LOL. We listened to one song, she DJ’ed while waiting for our check, then got our check while the DJ sang a song because no one was ready to sing yet going through her song book deciding what to sing. Since when does a DJ…THE DJ do karaoke? Then finally Javier (who we finally saw on the check was named Erik) came and returned our bills 10 minutes later so we could get out of there!

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I really had a headache before we met that night which I took meds for and thought I would be fine! That was until Karaoke started, LOL. Then we left and I could finally think again! I could not have been happier to leave. Regardless of the horrible karaoke fail it was a great night!

A Week of Friday the 13th…


Let me start by saying I am not superstitious. However, I love a good myth, legend, or story. I will not say I buy into them but sometimes I like to debunk them or even wish to believe they are true. We all want to believe they are true when everything is going wrong so that we can partially have something to blame when things are going wrong,even in jest. Though today is Friday the 13th, I feel as though I had a whole week of Friday the 13th, lol. I have felt on edge, tired, annoyed, and on all week. Moreover, if it could go wrong this week it seems to have decided to try to happen. However, the funny part is as usual, I still rarely let is hold much salt in my life because that is just how I am. I cannot let these things build up or hold that much weight or I would crumble under the pressure.

Though this week was my anniversary and should have been filled with warm fuzzies, it was not! My husband spent part of it in the ER, recovering, and the rest working. I spent the week, working, shuttling him, and catering to others, and working. On the actual date( yesterday I spent the day at work at 5am, straight to the hairdresser (which instead of her normal 1 hour took 3), and then when I thought I would only be dropping off something to my mom’s had to do another longer errand for my grandmother only to forget part of it). At the end of all this I had a huge migraine since I only ate once at 8 or 9a yesterday and not again until I got home at 6 or 6:30p. Would I do it again? Yes! I am not a selfish person and they needed my help! Was I tired, YES! The universe does not simply stop because it is your anniversary. You have to make it special. I always tell my husband that for special dates. You have to plan or these days pass you by as just another date and this is how you lose the spark, closeness, and become strangers. Luckily for us we had a back-up plan to go on a romantic trip in 2 weeks because we already knew that we would be working ourselves into extinction during this time.

Today may be Friday the 13th, but I intend to find my good luck, in finding all my silver linings as I usually do. I intend to see all my favorite horror movies as they always pop up on chiller and science fiction networks and pass out pretty late into the night after I get off tonight. I will get back up tomorrow and finish helping my grandmother and then come back home and read and rest!

Anniversary Time!


Wow 2 years in a blink of an eye! So much happens in 2 years but one thing remains CHANGE and ADVENTURE! Bet you thought I was going to say love, well that should be a given so with that said I must keep shaking things up! I still dream of that delicious cake often and coming from someone who loves pie that speaks volumes!

ER Observations…Hyperactive Senses! Universal Togetherness!


Last night was a long night that start as soon as my husband walked in the door. He came home complaining about his eye. I usually ignore his aches and pains because well men get beat up a lot, LOL. Even more so, my husband has a hard labor intensive job in landscaping and architecture and therefore he is constantly bending, grabbing, hauling, scooping, and so on all day. SO when he says he hurts…I figure it just comes with the job. But when he complains for more than an hour and he starts adding levels to his voice about it I figure it’s time to look at this condition.

Having been a certified professional rescuer for 16 years I have given first aid for so many different ailments I can hardly remember so I ask him to come in and let em see this eye and tell me exactly what happened. He says he went under a truck to that they use for work to look at something and debris fell into his eye. This happened at 11 in the morning. He said he got some of the debris out but it was still bothering him all day. He got home at almost 6:30 and was showing me his eye at 7;30.

At this point he was light sensitive, he said he could no longer flush his eyes anymore with water, and could not keep the eye open more than a a second without a lot of pain. So I said let’s go to the ER. He said I thought you wanted to look at it. I said you already did what I was going to have you do which was flush it. (which he usually NEVER does) and all the urgent cares closed at 8 taking their last person at 7:30 so we have to go to the ER.

He was reluctant but I was like you have no choice unless you want to be in more pain by morning. I said if there is something still in there it can be doing more damage and by morning your eye could be swollen shut and you could be blind. Yea I know extreme words…but it did the trick, 10 minutes later he was acting as if it was his idea to get up and go to the ER.

We go there and mr. cuddles was grumpy, LOL. I did not care. He was going to be seen and get this taken care of. He needs to be able to see and stop complaining. What is it with men and doctors anyways? geesh! So I drive him because he honestly could not open that eye. We get there and he is clipped with me and gets mad because as soon as we get there I forget he cannot see well and hop out the car and start walking at my normal speed. I left him and it was dark and he almost fell over some plants and I should have guided him. I thought back to the many times I needed similar help when having MG and said I’m sorry I forgot take my arm and he got even madder and declined it. (He did the same thing to me and I got mad too we all have to learn and remember and I told him so) I said well you cannot have it both ways. I also knew it was the pain and wear of his day bothering him so I tried to be nice but again men can be such babies when sick, lol.

When we check in, I get all his information and ask for a mask since I have an autoimmune disorder. At first the lady was like I don’t know where they are…I saw the ones they offered to everyone that exhibited symptoms that everyone touched…I did no want one of those. I wanted one of the ones they offered people like me who were not sick. She finally found them and gave me one. It was literally right in front of her face and she was really nice about it. I think she was a volunteer and she was only 16.

This had to be one of the best ER visits I ever had though. Maybe because for once it was not for me, LOL. But my senses were on overload! I was taking it all in. I also brought a book to read but I only read a few chapters because I was so into the lives of those around me. There were people laughing, crying, sleeping, and everything in between in there. The strange thing was the ER seemed to bring people together. No one was there alone and everyone seemed to put whatever petty issues they had aside to be there for each other.

My husband and I were there for hours and we saw many people come and go. He luckily only has a scratch on his cornea and it will only take a few days to heal. He now has his first ER trip in NC and a cool eye patch to wear. He can call himself an honorary pirate for a few days. We also hope he will start wearing one of the many pairs of protective glasses he has for work in the future after this, though I doubt he will, lol. But I can say I got to observe something that gave me a different perspective about human life last night. I can really say first hand I saw how tragedy and pain can bring people closer!