I have learned so much in the last few years about these two words…Gratefulness and Compromise. I was always very familiar with the first but the second was a more of a struggle. Many of us find compromise to be just that. When I have to do it for someone I love it is not usually a problem, but when I have to do it for myself and it means I have to monitor myself it is a bit harder. For example, I have to compromise my energy levels daily for different activities due to my MG. This can be tough when I really have a lot to do in a week or if I have had little sleep and have several things that I have to do so there is not much to compromise.
However, I have also learned that these are the groundwork of a marriage as well. They are part of communication. Most arguments in marriage come when someone one partner in a marriage has exhibited miscommunication in the area of gratefulness or compromise and they express it many ways.
I had a recent discussion a few months back with my best friend about compromise. We talked about how some people feel that in a marriage some people feel that things are not equal. I feel though that over time things even out, even if not always monetarily. For example, when my best friend went to school to get her degree her husband was the primary bread winner. Then she was able to support him while he went back to school. Now they have more balanced matching salaries! But even if she made or he made more, she still primarily does more of the house work and takes care of their daughter as he is in the military and gets deployed sometimes. When he is home he takes over! They balance.
The point is over time, these things over the years work themselves out and no one is keeping score or taking a rolling inventory! However, if you are this is plain petty! The goal is to be grateful that the family is together and that you both still love each other and have a common goal. There was a time that things were not as easy as they are now. People lose sight of this and say things like you wouldn’t have this without me just because they make more and you seem to have the least important job of rearing the children, paying the bills, and your job did not pay as great as theirs. Those are lows blows because without that person’s budgeting, planning, and care you would not have it either. You would not know when a bill was due, you would not have those children with good heads on their shoulders, and the extra support from that extra income! You would not have that extra confidence either or that love that comes with being with me!
Don’t take a person’s quietness for many years as a weakness! If they decide to fight back suddenly it is not because they do not respect you, it is BECAUSE they love and respect you and want you to know you are hurting them and that they want for you to grow old together and know that they are grateful for you and along with grace comes COMPROMISE!
I have to be careful of this often in my own early marriage, though I am only 2 years in, no one wants to get 50 years in and realize there is nothing left because they were not grateful!