Caught in Purgatory

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Have you ever found yourself caught in between two areas and you are not sure how to express which is the right one? You want to belong to aspect of life but you are long for another? You are not really sure which is right yet one seems to constantly cause issues but it makes you happy or feels right to an extent…

I feel this happens often to many of us. We find ourselves caught between how we are raised and how we are developing as adults! How the world and our experiences have shaped us and how we see ourselves or how we want to be.

So some of you may ask what is the problem with any of this? Well the problem comes in when you start having conflicting views. For example, that person you were raised to be is a smart, independent, individual with morals, but the world/ society has allowed you to become a essential, a leader, and key to many things what then?

How do you cope with going back to what will seem like nothingness to you? I have seen many people recently who have retired, been laid off, or changed jobs to a lesser job only to have issues in other aspects of their lives. This is called work/life spillover or negative balance. The individual cannot handle going from being superior, needed, important, and/ or the center of chaos or attention to the doldrums of regular life. This is boredom for them. You will find many of these people finding unhealthy coping mechanisms such as retired people going right back to work and working themselves to death, drinking, drugs, and/or lashing out at others (usually those closest to you).

The same can be said of people who are laid off or down graded on jobs. These people are going to be frustrated. It is hard to explain the connections they feel they no longer have, though they do it is not the same. They do not feel as close to the ‘action’. They feel left out. Many people who retire and are not really ready to retire and have not truly mad a plan for themselves are almost surly and unsettled. They feel the need to be busy at all times or they feel useless. In many cases you will find them doing the exact opposite (lying in the bed in a state of depression) because of this.

They miss being admired by those that worked under them. They have no one to control or boss around so to speak. They try it other environments and it doesn’t really go over well. Sometimes they feel disrespected by the ones they love because they feel they are not showing them the ‘respect’ they ‘deserve’; however, they are desiring them to sit back and be quiet as they are presiding over them as they would an employee instead of coming to them as family or an equal (if a spouse).

The individual tends to lose sight of all the things that have been happening in front of them as they slip further into depression/ anxiety. They tend to begin blaming others for everything bad, not seeing their faults, and believing that the world is affected is affected one way with or without them. (IE you would be nothing without me, or if I died no one would care!)

I personally have seen and dealt with many people who have been laid off, down-graded in jobs, and retired in the past decade. I have had to study several case studies on the matter as well in my psychology classes. I will say this, I do not prefer to deal with my own family because I am too close to the situation even though I know I can deal with it professionally, I am not sure the individuals could see it that way. When people are far enraged it is not always possible. I will say this, if you are family, friends, or otherwise reading this and feel that this expresses anything personal reading this, it is purely coincidental because my topic comes from recent discussions of layoffs at my organization, mass shootings in the news, and the like. However, if you feel this way, look inward and understand that compromise is a part of life. If you feel guilt or alarm, there may be a reason why! You may need to adjust some things! I am prepared to help and counsel anyone who needs it just ask!

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2 comments

  1. Marta Frant · December 11, 2015

    Good point. I know many people who “need to be busy” to feel good. That keeps them alive. It’s particularly true for those who have passion about their business.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lady CAS · December 12, 2015

      yes I was like that and eventually I had to learn there was just as much fun in relaxing it took me a LONG time though

      Liked by 1 person

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