As I literally was watching the cheese slide of my hot dog yesterday I realized this was was actually happening in my real life as well. I mean as many good things that are happening for me right now I am still beaming with joy (don’t get me wrong, but there are a ton of tests crashing over me like waves and causing me to sputter a bit at times. I have to wonder if I am not over booking myself. The sad part is when I am booking myself and putting it in my planner there is literally NOTHING else there or around the date then other things pop up all around it there are either important or last minute or stressful mentally or physically that cause it to become a jam packed week or day. I can go from having nothing planned on a weekend to suddenly a full weekend. That happens more often than not. However, this does not usually bother me too much.
Then there are times when I think I have a handle on everything and I get knocked for a loop. When you find out something you budgeted for (time or money) is now pushed up 6 months at a time you have not budgeted for. Then everyone involved smiles at you as if it this is quite alright and you grit your teeth and try not to scream. Especially at persons who could not even coherently explain the problem correctly to tell you why you now have to make such changes. Yesterday I already knew my health insurance was on a non calendar year July 1-June 30. It was just when it was started with he company. However, I only found out yesterday when filling medications that the deductible is on a calendar year and restarted in January. Yet the special insurance lady kept saying the whole plan started over in Jan, which was wrong and I had to call my employer to find out what happened since one med alone with a co-payment cost over $300.
I went from one hive that was disappearing over the weekend to 3 new hives since between that incident and now. It has not even been 24 hours. I am on stress overload! Usually my stress is not that quick to happen but since just before Thanksgiving since I have not fully been able to get rid of my hives, they have been immediate. I can’t shake em! Everyone is like call the doctor and get some meds but when you are as much as me, I wonder how effective it would be on one hand and on the other I’m like GOSH not another durn pill I already take 17 a day and two prenatal gummies on a regular day. I also have a ton of ‘as needed’ scrips for migraines and pain, so really who wants to go there!?! I figure I will only go there if they can promise it will go away and not come back for months or in a day or something otherwise if my suffering is going to be as long as taking benadryl and putting on cremes and waiting it out for days like I already do then I can treat it myself. I hate living with such high anxiety and when you have suffered with anxiety for as long as I have have you just DEAL. It’s so sad. UGH! It’s an endless cycle I put myself through! I just wish one day I woke up and all my anxiety was gone for good!