Dear Ivy Cap Wearer,

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Dear Ivy Cap Wearer,

I was foretold of your coming and that though I tried to remain neutral about you the vibes I got from the person who told me of your visit (whom we will call Pack-Man–not like the game) unintentionally warned me of coming. Even if someone has spoken ill of a person I have never met I try to push all those thoughts aside and gain my own interpretations of the person. (I don’t like to say judge as we should not judge anyone per se). So when forming my own opinions of the person I am giving them a fair shot and not a biased view. However, these actions are still taken into consideration even if we do not mean to subconsciously, I know this having a degree in psychology (but I digress).

You sir came about like a strange fog. You did not announce yourself merely rolled up on your phone and semi-greasy hair slicked back under an ivy cap. When I introduced myself I was assaulted by your breath. I me completely assailed, bound, and gagged (as you did not immediately let my hand go). I was stuck smelling it. What a smell. Your personal body odor was not much better. I get it was the end of the day, but a quick change of shirt, or a piece of mint, gum, or swish of mouth wash can do wonders.

We get to the task at hand. I’m side by side with you for a couple of hours. I find you are nothing like Pack-Man. He is social and very forthcoming in how processes are completed. He fully wanted me to understand how things were done and to be successful. You well you disappeared on me on more than one occasion and when I looked lost, you just sort of turned your head away and I had to figure something else to do or started doing something on your phone. I get that you are important but I am pretty sure saying “I love you” in a call that it was not a complete business call though it could have started out as an important personal call. It lasted for more than 10 minutes as I was just wondering around with several questions. Then when you were not talking you were texting and I was still lost just trying to do what I thought per the printed instructions sheet.

I had no idea where things were (and sadly I’m still finding things on my own) and then the fun stuff starts as you proceed to show me every half-arsed way to do my tasks. I mean who does that. Shouldn’t I know how to do it correctly first? And the worst offense was just before leaving on the last night he proceeded to use something made for bathrooms (and I will leave it at that because it was just too gross and unmentionable) on a front glass door. I even said it aloud to make him aware thinking he blindly reached for it. And he kept going…So you Mr. Ivy cap wearer are gross, stank, and lazy and I cannot even fathom how you still have a job. I went back a trillion times and cleaned that glass the next time I was in and that was because I kept thinking of not only others having to touch it but myself…I always think about what if I had to touch it even if I don’t because that’s how you should think when doing a job…putting yourself in that position to do your best work.

But now if I get a phone call with a complaint to our higher superior you will definitely be thrown under this bus buddy. While Pack-Man will be given a glowing recommendation. Speaking of Pack-man, it was quite hysterical to find that you both work in at more than one establishment and that he is over you at one establishment and was previously over you at another. It was even more comedic that upon mentioning his name you began questioning his position in this business again but I stayed neutral. I also did not know anything but even if I did I would not tell him.

Mr Ivy cap wearer please keep your distance I feel that the next time you are near I may very well throw up. My skin actually crawls when you are near. You have no personality and when engaging you in conversation you seem to have a very crude and negative sense of humor. The self-loathing and dislike of all that is around you seeps from your very pores and every time you spoke of things it imminently from you like a black hole sucking in all positivity and blasting out death. I will pray for you!

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