Here is the thing…my dad always says to me don’t whine to Chris because it’s falling on deaf ears. Many times you are right. I had to harden myself to it. I was a bleeding heart. I still am. It’s not that I do not hear you it’s that I want to help everyone I run into. I still do. I hear someone ‘whine’, vent, talk about their problem, and I immediately start running scenarios of how they can be solved either. I was taken advantage of too many times with this. It put me in hard spots because of it not being able to meet my own needs. I was even reprimanded a few times because when friends vented at restaurants about their food I called the waiter over and said something and (nicely) but they were like OMG why did you say something? I was like you didn’t like it why are going to pay for it if you are not going to eat it. Not everyone is going to spit in your food if you are tactful geesh. But they felt otherwise. So I was like well don’t complain if you do not plan to do something about it. I do not want to hear it, because I feel compelled to act. It’s now my rule, do not complain if you do not plan to do something about it.
However, the difference between now and then was that I use to feel like I had to be the one involved to always try and solve those problems, whether that person was directly responsible (or should I say so irresponsible enough) to have caused the situation they were in or not.
But now I have learned that I can run the same ton of scenarios that do not directly involve me being the only white knight. I can say how can they help themselves. They may not always want to hear those options but you have to start helping others learn to help themselves sometimes. Some people fall into learned helplessness and this is difficult to break and this becomes a lifelong struggle and problem for them.
I do not want to become their crutch and only ‘lifeline’ in that manner. I want to be there lifeline to hope not misery. So teaching the person to cook instead of just doing it for them is better. It does not matter if it is not what you would eat or fancy or it is only 3 different meals. They have learned to do something. They can survive and branch out from there.
I enjoy helping people but I cannot deal with people who do empty whining…So I have had to learn not to call it that. I have had to learn that it is in fact VENTING. That they just want to vent and that they are trying to say what they feel but it comes across as such because they keep repeating it because they are so frustrated. However, since I am not going to throw myself out there to fix every scenario then I have to deal with it sometimes. So it’s hard. I want to help but I know that I should let them work it out UGH! And yet I also want them to stop WHINING, LMBO.