So that poem earlier was totally what I had gone through and was feeling. I had to let go and take a leap of faith and let my pride go about how long I can go without treatment. I always want to be superwoman and make it 12 weeks and longer now that I know I can. However, there are sometimes extenuating circumstances and reasons beyond my control that I cannot foresee that say that I cannot and that I need to REST and allow myself to be rejuvenated and not worry about what could be. The problem I have is that I sometimes begin to worry about all the possible problems that can happen when I have to let go. Who will pick up the pieces if I have to let go.
I was worried I would be dropped by a particular specialist who has a waiting list a mile long to been seen regarding attempting to have a baby. For me this requires being taken of several medications and maybe being placed on others to compensate for them. It will also require being seen by other specialists along the way. I was so worried and I began to cry. I then decided no matter what I needed this treatment and just made the decision and placed it in God’s hands. I made no mention to anyone.
I called my neurologist as usual to set up my plasmapheresis treatment for tomorrow. He was able to get me in. I was happy. He called me back to confirm it then he said something I was not expecting but let me know that my prayers had been heard. He said by the way we have been meeting and have come up with some alternatives that may work for you regarding your medications and we need you to make an appointment with us after you have had your treatments so we can discuss this and get you moving.
I was in shock. I was so relieved to hear this information. It was satisfying to my soul. I thanked GOD. I never said anything to this man about this and for him to say that to me made my entire day! My only reason for seeing the specialist in the first place was not just for a baby which is very important but because I needed an alternative for the immunosuppressants and steroids that suppress my immune system which cause me to be more susceptible to illnesses. I am stable with my MG and tired of the EXTRA stresses of colds respiratory infections and viruses. It is just not fun when a normal cold is like having the flu and the flu is like absolute death for me. I am durn proud to have gone so long without a hospital admittance and (knock on wood) keep it that way. I have gone a year without an MG related admittance and 9 months without any overnight admittance period.
I am still learning but I know I can do the things that I am set to do through God and I believe this wholeheartedly. If I pray for them and get them I must be ready to accept them and all the blessings/ consequences. I am learning things can be hard and hard work at that but if I want it to be great it takes that sometimes! I have to learn to listen too and not to the human self but the spiritual self and to God. That is hard if you do not have a relationship with him and I am working hard to keep that line open and clear!