I am a firm believer in HARD WORK! I believe if you work toward something and you want it bad enough that it will happen. I believe that sometimes it may not always come in the exact way that we expect but it will come because it is what we deserve because we reap what we sow. I just do not believe that someone can put in so much hard work and not be rewarded for their hard work. I don’t care if the only reward is that altruistic feeling of feeling amazing from knowing you did the hard work even if no one else knew or recognized you for it.
I helped people often and that is not to toot my own horn, because I cannot remember all the people I have helped, when, where, or with what, but it is to say that when I do I usually do not look for anything in return.
However, there are times that I have learned that you MUST. Though my dad has taught me many things in life, it has been my mother that has had to teach me that I cannot allow those that I am in a relationship and those that I work with take advantage of me. My dad would warn against people in the family and friends true, but my mom would warn against the more intimate ‘evil’. The ones that are harder to stand up to. The ones that prey on women a bit easier. Men do not have to deal with this as much so it was only right she be the one to teach me and my sister this.
My mom taught me that you had to learn when to say NO at work. You had to know your hard boundaries and not allow people to always make you feel like you were to do every project and all of their work simply because they asked you (whether you had spare time or not). Some people would become too reliant on you. It was okay to help sometimes but doing work outside of your scope of work too often without pay and recognition as a minority can be a double edged sword. Sometimes, it led to promotions and raises but that could be rare. Many times it went unnoticed and you were being altruistic. I did not mind it until I found that I was becoming burned out and could not always understand why (especially after being diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis). When I was made to make a list of my duties for both my evaluations and because my mom thought it was good idea before my evaluation I realized I was doing other people’s duties far too often.
The same is true in a relationship, when you find that you are doing more work and not working together as seamlessly as you should and that balance is off. It can become frustrating. When you are picking up the slack and making excuses because you find that you are having negative spillover from work and then you are just allowing everything to get out of whack, this is not good. You have to keep positive balance at home and work. Open communication and let your spouse know that things at work need to be corrected; however, things at home need to be corrected as well.
My mom taught me when dating to look for people who were willing to give me the world, but also had control. People may say that’s selfish, but it didn’t mean that I was not willing to do the same. I was always willing to do the same and that was the problem. I was willing to give someone the world and yet they had not always shown themselves worthy. They had not met me halfway and worked hard to prove that they were deserving. If then they did, they cannot stop, they must continue…because relationships are constant work and communication.