Month: August 2016

The Almost Cure: Nervous Excitement

Posted on by Lady CAS

So I got my results back from my single fiber EMG. Remember this is the test for MG patients that they put the needle in the muscle belly of the arms and forehead and give little electrical shocks to see how the muscle recovers essentially. Well Yes, it was just as I remembered. It hurt like all get out. I was not a happy camper but it was a necessary evil. Though I was given the option to tell the conductor to stop at any time I ignored that option as I wanted desperately to endure it so that he could get all the information he could. I figured if I did not tell him to stop over 2.5 years ago when I was in crisis mode I dang sure could deal with it now when I was much stronger. But when he lit up my forehead where there is not much muscle I swear I wanted to scream stop many times. I may be strong but I am not superwoman…I am not impervious to pain.

Anyways,

I get to the hospital after a 25 min trip took an hour. I go to check-in and they say my appointment is not at the hospital but at his clinic and I’m confused. I thought the place was one in the same. They politiely give me the address and say it is not far from there and it was only about 7 minutes away but in traffic took me 15. I called ahead and told them I was running late and that I had only EVER met this specialist at the hospital and had no idea he had a clinical office at another location and they understood and said they would wait as long as I got there before his 9am client. So I sped like a bat out of HELL. I got there at 8:35 and by the time they called me back and started my vitals I heard the call in his 9 am. So I figured I was good. NOT. They kept doing small tasks and having nurses come in and talk to me and some associate from a the muscle dystrophy association talk to me then another doctor but that all happened in the first hour. I then waited 2.5 more hours before I saw MY doctor. I was pretty annoyed by this time. I mean if it weren;t for the fact there are only 2 other specialists like him in the country and they are few and far between and I waited 9 months for this appointment, I would have left.

But I did not show any of this once he walked in, ONLY relief that he gave me his full time and effort, I am no fool. I need answers and his knowledge and I cannot afford to be ignorant something that is life changing for me.

The Results are in:

My arms have gotten considerably stronger in the last 2.5 years, but my forehead and eye areas weaker which from what I had already told him were consistent. Moreover, my hip flexors are strong but have gotten a bit weak but that was from a simple test from week to week not the single fiber test. I also have developed strider again (a respiratory issue). But what that means for me in terms of someone who wants to be more fit and has gained weight, wants to have a child, and wants to come off some if not all of my medications.

Right now he says the tests says my MG is too active. To have a child would mean potential death for me as well as if they took me off my medications right now. I am just not strong enough for any of that. I cannot go back to ‘normal’ yet. But he created 2 plans to help get me better so that I can have a child and be strong and come off the medications.

  1. First is to increase my cell cept from 1000 mg daily to 2000 because apparently for nearly 3 years I have been on a puny dose and it’s not enough.
  2. Then is to get a subcutaneous port. This is so I can receive my PLEX (plasma exchange treatments) easier because I will need to be plexed extensively over a 2 week period before getting step 3.
  3. Thymectomy- I will get worse before getting better for about 2-4 months (a bit weaker but I will be able to receive plex during this time as well)
  4. During all this time I will begin rituximab which will begin to replace cell cept and it is a med I can take even if/ when I get pregnant. But I need to be off cell cept 3-6 months before I am allowed to be pregnant.
  5. Get pregnant

The other process the doctor laid out had me doing the same process except based on my answers of wanting a child I would get pregnant first and then do the thymectomy further down the road (flipping steps 3 & 5 Basically. I said no prefer to do plan ‘a’ as he called it because it allows me a chance to be stronger first and to hold and care for my baby with less trouble.

 

I also learned something more about MG and pregnancy I never knew…If you have been pregnant before, even if you did not carry to term you are more likely to have more weakness and crisis at some point during the pregnancy and likely post-partum than first time pregnant women.

There is also the rule of thirds with pregnancy:

1/3 will have no change in symptoms/ weakness

1/3 will have increases symptoms/ weakness

1/3 will have decreased symptoms/ weakness

 

With the thymectomy I help cut this down greatly! So right now I definitely see no reason not to do this besides just being nervous about surgeries in general, and surgery from the standpoint of anesthesia and MG patients. I am definitely excited to have less symptoms that’s for sure and to be able to get treatments that are quicker and less painful. I am all for it. I can see why God has post-poned some things for me now. He had a plan that involved some serious flexibility not every place offers that or understands.

Why Most Women Nag: You do not have to know how she feels to try

Posted on by Lady CAS

Many men claim the biggest thing their wives do that annoy them is nag. However, have you ever really say and wondered why? Though sometimes it is. We don’t want to do it! We don’t wake up saying, “what can we nag them about today?” It’s stressful! However, it happens! Like it isn’t just because she learned it from her mom, she is a control freak, or you just don’t do things.

I have found that it can be a culmination of these things but coupled with our need to see the that person actually goes through changes to get that task done on time.

Likely when we ask the first time having never asked the person we give them the benefit of the doubt and HOPE they will do it. But when they let us down we lose some trust for them. More over if it happens again even if they apologize like the first time we no longer trust them and though they could be genuine, they still have not gone through any changes to prevent it from happening again.

They are still not as annoyed or concerned as you are and won’t be. Which would be fine if they at least tried to put forth an effort to take on tasks appropriately.

So sadly when people get divorced one day I don’t understand how she left over toothpaste in the sink, not putting the glass in the dishwasher, or some other small chore that is not that. It’s the fact that there was no reaction, no trust to get it dome and she was tired of being shut down and shut out. She was tired of doing it for them so she quit because they could not see the bigger picture. I say this from watching it happen countless times with friends, family, and countless bloggers. I say this from being married and telling my husband, “do you want to be like such and such…then straighten up and fly right, LOL” Because though we joke he understands the seriousness behind my tone.

She should not have to nag. She should be able to trust and depend that you care about her emotions (even if you do not understand them) and what may be important enough to try and help even if you cannot feel what she is feeling. Compromise is key.

A Hurt Dog Will Holler…

Posted on by Lady CAS

In my blogs I tend to speak very generally about many subjects. However, I have learned that many family, friends, and sometimes those I am not so close with will even read my blog via someone I am close with. I have no problem with anyone reading it. I write for the world. But when I begin to talk about issues in my life that have occurred such as people hurting me or affecting me, or when I begin to speak on calls to action several people (the same ones) begin to believe I am speaking about them. That song ‘You’re So Vain’ comes to mind, LOL.

I hate to say it but it just makes me wonder what they have done or are doing that is so wrong? Why do you think I am talking about you, why are you so insecure, I really want to dig deep into your psyche and fix the broken pieces within you because this sort of thinking is just not healthy. It worries me that when I say ANYTHING no matter if I specifically say WORK, SCHOOL, MY FRIEND, anything these people pick it apart thinking it’s code for something else and ultimately them. I eventually receive a phone call or a frozen shoulder and have to try and smooth things over. It is such a tiring effort. I know this has to do with my need to help people and their learned dependency and I’m not helping their situation but geesh. I will have to say it is getting harder and harder to deal with. I am the type of person who is pretty straight forward. I have no problem saying if I have a issue with a BFF though I wouldn’t name them on here I would say it was a BFF or if my parents were being stubborn and would say that on here too, and have. So when other people do not get that shine maybe that’s the problem.

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I just don’t know.

Now if in fact when I state a call to action such as not being responsible enough and that happens to be you, and it bothers you, then perhaps it is time for you to do something about it. But only if you choose to. I cannot do it for you, only guide you. But getting upset with me is not the way because again I was not talking about you, LOL. Do not hurt the ‘messenger’ if that is what you feel I was because you chose to listen to me, though I was speaking to my husband on said day and you (random person) heard the message and was up in arms. I shouldn’t do this but with all I’m going through I  have been in this state of mind lately.. 200 (1).gif

And just not answer phones, texts, or anything from anyone to reduce stress and enjoy my books and games. I just UGH I am TIIIIIIIIRED!

 

 

 

 

Being Beaten By the Ignorance Stick

Posted on by Lady CAS

There are people who strangely have the uncanny knack for being ignorant believe it or not. Yes I am being facetious. I have been taking a beating the likes of a George Foreman against Ali. Where he was quoted by CBS news as having been ‘mugged in the jungle’. He said he was in the wrong place at the wrong time going up against Ali (jokingly) as he got his but whooped.

Well if he was mugged I was hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray and then kidnapped, to be beat over and over with the ignorant stick.

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I have to wonder why people just cannot get certain things through their head and then why others even put voice to said needs. For example, we post signs on the door at eye level maybe once a quarter or during national holidays that we will be closed and they are up for about a week. Then we put the same signs up in the locker rooms at the front desk, on a sign going into the locker rooms, and send out an email. Overkill right? Apparently not!

We get several members who automatically delete these emails, walk past the signs, and ignore us reminding them verbally we will be closed the following day(s) and until they come in at 3:50p on the day in question and I say we are closing in 10 minutes and they get ANGRY. I mean turn red in the face, raise their voice, and sometimes toss their bag on the desk upset. All to ask me why they were not told the fitness center would be closing early or that day and closed for holiday at which point I try to calm them and explain that an email went out (at which point they cut me off before I can finish…they always do with some excuse) and then I point to all the signs that have been up for a week up to 10 days (which we always do). Obviously this does not help with their anger and they always try to ask if they can stay while I clean and I say I am nearly done and will be walking out right at 4pm sharp as I have been anticipating my vacation as much as they have been or should be too.

Well there was no shortage of this when it came to our center CLOSING for good either. All week people kept coming to us saying I heard a rumor the center was closing…I laughed, like literally laughed in their faces and had to play it off for the first few people. I said it’s not a rumor it’s FACT the email went out on ____ at ____. And they stood there waiting for me to laugh again. When I didn’t they were upset. They wanted to know who they could contact and we did not have an answer because the people they assumed it was were actually the ones on their side. Furthermore, I had no idea people would be so nonchalant and delete an email about a WHOLE CAMPUS UPDATE. But they did. Some deleted it, some ignored it, and some swear they never got it period to which I would forward it to them instead of repeating my like a broken record because these people were killing my voice and my time management with tasks I had to get done. All week we answered the same questions from everyone…the same ones that were answered in the email UGH.

Then as if the week wasn’t hard enough people starting asking about buying the equipment and we had to keep telling them that their company owned it and had other plans for it.

Many people were concerned for the staff member’s well being and our jobs which was sweet. We all still have our jobs and are moving to the other campus we kept telling them since this was not in the email. However, one person who should have known better due to her position and involvement in the closing of the facility came to me (as she is showing a potential leaser around) and this was the conversation:

Facility Female: SO this is it?

Me: Yep

FF: The last week huh?

Me: Yes, last day Friday (how many ways you going to say this lady) She awkwardly is standing looking at me now

FF: SO where will you guys be going?

Me: We will be going over to the other campus (which I named directly)

FF: Oh i didn’t know that location was ready?

Me: (confused) It’s the other fitness center that’s been there for almost 2 years (surely she can’t be talking about the NEW one her agency is building as I just said on the other campus…yes she knows I know about both but that we can’t talk about this in front of her client)

FF: I just didn’t realize that one was ready yet!?!

Me: Yep, well have a good day (WTH is this lady talking about she’s senile that’s got to be it. That site has been there for 2 years in October and if you couldn’t talk about that part in front of your client you shouldn’t have said ANYTHING at all about it if she wasn’t suppose to know about our other campus which I doubt was the case since it’s public knowledge, LOL).

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Each time that lady comes in she seriously makes me want to push her right back out the door though. She always comes in and gives people tours of the facility since she first started there and I’m like please let us as you never give accurate information. You get the hours wrong (which are on the sign outside the door), our names wrong (which are on the HUGE bulletin board by the front door), and the fact that everything is free except massage and personal training, telling them they have to pay for fitness classes and that’s not true, and so on. She makes me want to scream. I just want to knock some sense into her.

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Then there is the ignorance that I’m enveloped in my personal life. Is seems to come through taking me out at the shins like coffee table corners when you are half sleep. I just cannot seem to  get a handle on how one seems to walk through life not understanding that you are afforded every opportunity and you are wasting it. Some people are so ungrateful and refuse to be responsible and live up to their potential. They would rather make excuses and later dwell on how it could or should have been when others would kill/ or have killed to be in their position.

Though I could analyze these things a million times over, today I just cannot take my brain there another minute.

 

 

Just as I imagined

Posted on by Lady CAS

Have you ever thought about something or made a comment about something and later found it was just how you imagined it would be? I mean like you really thought it out whether in jest or in earnest and found that at some point days, weeks, months, or years later that very idea actually happened the very way you thought or said it would happen.

This happens all the time with me. I feel like this is just me talking things into existence sometimes. However, it makes for some interesting and even funny situations. For example,  when I started working as a part-time cleaner for corporate organizations I noticed that in the men’s restrooms there would always be food wrappers, fruit peelings, and drink containers in it. I was like surely these people are not eating in the bathroom. I mean though this is a small company and it’s not like a normal pubic restroom, the mindset is still that you do not get ‘comfortable’ in a bathroom that is not your private home bathroom, let alone eat in one. Then I was like are these men like holding their *ahem* with one hand and going with the other? I know that’s gross but yea my mind went there since I was in the men’s bathroom.

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Then I tried to give the benefit of the doubt and say well maybe they had just finished it before coming in walking to the bathroom and dropped it in the trash…

But then seeing how gross some of these guys are that I clean behind in their offices and in these restrooms, they probably have no concerns for eating while in the bathroom. Moreover, after reading a blog this morning from a fellow blog (John), I learned that things are sometimes EXACTLY what you were thinking. In his post today he talked He talked about a man who was eating and handling business at the same time.

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But the hilarity of it all had me crying this man is a genius with his writing you must check him out. But the man eating in the bathroom not so much, LOL.

The funny part is I am so blunt and curious about men and their processes in life that I just flat out ask my husband, male friends, and dad, LOL. I just want to know so I can decide what is normal and what is not and what is ‘guy normal’ and what is not, LOL. This way I have an idea when I have a child, though if they have me as a parent they may already be doomed…#teamweird

Book Blurring

Posted on by Lady CAS

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I love to read! There is nothing like picking up a good physical book and cracking it open and smelling the paper and feeling the crisp smooth pages and knowing there is something exciting and new waiting there for you. Something that if you have a vivid imagination could make you feel like you are living the story even.

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However, I tend to read a lot of books that have are set in specific areas like London or have similar themes and so sometimes when I finish a book and start a new one they tend to bleed right into another one. I have to remember that a certain character was not part of a particular book or when I am reading a series that certain situation was part of another book or series, LOL.

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I know this would probably be reduced if I slowed down or took small breaks between books and did not literally finish a book and pick up a new one within 2 minutes after finishing the last one but I just cannot help it sometimes. Moreover, when you borrow books from the library it can be hard to take a break when you reserve a book and it comes early or on time and you have to get it before they expire and there is usually pretty good/ long wait list.

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So I rush to read it so people don’t feel like I the the picture above when I’m waiting for it! LOL Though when I am waiting for a book and I see the number getting closer to one I get giddy and I’m like

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The funny part is it made me take a break from writing my book because I began to worry if some of my ideas for my books and writing may be ‘tainted’ from reading some of the books as I felt I could not trust my memories or imagination. After reading one of my books and recalling it, one guy sort of plagiarized without meaning too from parts and pieces of his memory of past blurbs of things he read in the past. I mean I will start back up but during my research I just want to make sure that I have defined what it is that I am researching, what my clear goals are for what I want and how I want to approach this thing. I want it to be a mix of fun and work not just work or it will not work.

For now though I will try remember that the Maze Runner series and the Mortality Doctrine Series is not all one big continuation, LOL.  But oh if James Dashner found a way to link them how I would love to read that crossover book too. Though this does not just happen with a single author who would obviously have a similar writing style. It can be totally different authors altogether.

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Am I the only one with this reading issue?

MIGRAINE GANGSTER

Posted on by Lady CAS

WHERE DID YOU COME FROM? Like seriously my migraines began cropping up again out of nowhere. I mean there have always sort of ‘been there’ but they have been masked with my migraine preventor that I take daily. I do not want them to take the dosage up because it has truly been affect my memory and I also have been wanting them to take them dosage down for the last year especially when about 6 months ago I noticed when I accidentally didn’t take it for 3 days it caused severe swelling in my ankles and made them the size of grapefruits. So I definitely know I need to be tapered off. However, I want to know if my migraine medication that is used for when one actually occurs on top of the preventor will suffice me now? I usually have to take 2-3 during an episode and it comes like a GANGSTER, kicking butt and asking questions later. Like someone just said come here meet my sledgehammer!

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I mean seriously I get maybe 1/2 a day of relief and i try to rest/sleep and continue for a day or so and see if it has gone away.  Then I have to take another to get another 1/2 half day and then sometimes/finally before it can completely come back I may have to head if off with one last one to get rid off it because I am too afraid of the possible and dreaded 60 day migraine again. Yes this has happened before I it was the worst thing EVER. The bad part is that the prescription I get only comes with 9 pills so that’s 1/3 of them right there and it’s NOT cheap. With this happening almost every month again this is not good. Luckily I am going to see the expert and talk with him and hope he can shed some light on the situation.

The other issue is the meds do make me a lil loopy too. The preventor  (Topamax) cause loss of memory and can cause some other issues like blood clots and so it makes it hard when you already have a clotting issue to come off the high does of aspirin. Then the additional in case of migraine (relpax) makes me feel strangely out of it after I take it until I go to sleep if I can even go to sleep after I take it. I mean like high!!!

I mean it is a pain med so…

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But durn if some nights I haven’t already had some pain meds or I’m super sleepy and man the week before last rubbing pizza cheese on my teeth and making tents with my pizza crusts let me know I was high. I mean I usually realize it after one good random act but still with the filter gone it still takes a second and it’s usually TOO LATE when I realize it…

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I mean I can’t lie and so I don’t enjoy the feeling once I get past the nausea…

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My husband just says lets just take you to the room and put your to bed and he either is annoyed or giggling…usually the latter. He never says before you regret doing something because I never would only because I would likely laugh at anything I did. Why not, life is too short!

 

Every Little Victory

Posted on by Lady CAS

I celebrate every little victory even if it is only me and in my own little space. For example I may have done everything on my to-do list and felt very accomplished and I may sit and read a book after doing a small happy dance and singing and laughing. Yea that sounds a bit hysterical but my to-do list are pretty intense most of the time. similar to this below for personal to-do lists on a nice week, LOL.

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My most recent victory is that I was told that for my single fiber EMG test I do not have to stop taking one of medications ahead of time that tends to cause complications for my PLEX treatment. I’m on a high level of aspirin because I have a lupus anti-coagulant. What this means is that I do not have lupus but I do have really thick blood. So to help thin it I drink TONS of water take 325mg of aspirin a day. For the test they say I have to stop blood thinners but this apparently does not include aspirin, even at this this dosage.

Originally I had pushed my treatment to Thursday just to give my aspirin time to kick back in before going to get PLEX so I would have less issues during treatment (clotting) and we would not be there for 4-7 hours and more like 3. Now with this news I can go the same day as the test which is great since the test renders me dang near immobile and unable to swallow. I even feared I would not make it to treatment on Thursday after the test but I didn’t want to voice it because I was just going to pray. So this morning I just called to be sure about the aspirin before confirming treatment times again with my local neurologist before going to work this morning and Oh FRABJOUS DAY! CALLOOH! CALLAY!

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I was so happy I skipped out of the house without my phone and welp there you have it! I tend to celebrate all my small victories all the time and my husband even looks at me a little weird sometimes but he will get over it. This is what I do because I enjoy giving praises to God for it and just being happy in general, I can’t be a gloomy pants person! Hope this brightens you day even a little! Futterwack with me! LOL!

 

 

Silent Fears and Frustrations…Part 2

Posted on by Lady CAS

As promised here is part 2 of my struggles. I can’t say they are always struggles as I have learned so much about myself but I still find them to be fears or frustrations so I struggle with the issues. One of these issues would be nightmares…I have increasingly more nightmares or unwanted dreams in the last year. I mean this may I have no idea how normal this is for most people but I usually do not have nightmares or bad dreams and I have had a TON of what I consider bad dreams lately. Though I know their source I have no idea what they mean. I truly do not like the uncertainty and the people by which I am dreaming concern me a great deal. Moreover, the stupid loop dreams are killin me. I think I am awake and then they sort of loop and start over and it’s almost like inception mixed with my whack job warping that gives me just enough leverage to know it’s a dream but I can’t wake up UGH. Usually nothing scary just annoying as all get out, LOL.

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When did people become so surly, rude, AND/OR impassioned that it was okay not to have a conversation or  debate with intellect, facts, and the occasional well thought out opinion with some supportive evidence. I mean we all enjoy talking about current events ranging from politics (well maybe not so much, lol) to the Olympics, but I have almost not even desired to open my mouth as people’s sensitivities appear to get hurt when I open my mouth. It’s extremely frustrating because I usually learn within the conversation or debate the person I am taking to has not even educated themselves on the person they are speaking about.Many times they have their own opinion of them already (good or bad) and the image is stuck and possibly quite superficial. They refuse to take in any new information about the person regardless if the person committed 10 crimes though formerly they were a Saint (not saying this was the case). Now I believe it is okay to be passionate about your conversation, cause, or topic it shows you care and have something more deeply rooted behind why you like the person/ cause/ topic; however, refusing to hear another person’s point and saying I don’t care what you say about this person, I won’t believe they are this or that or STAY of their case without hearing that person’s cause is rough…This last week dealing with several different issues I got SHUT DOWN just like that and it was quite rude and annoying. I mean from the it went to issues regarding personal matters, to things at work, to topics about the Olympics and all by different people and the funny part was I wasn’t even the one bringing up the topic some of the time, LMBO. I was just shocked at how it all seems to happen more and more in the world but how it all happened to me so much in one week. Man I definitely can say everyone I was dealing with needs a vacation ASAP before I start becoming a hermit.

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Recently not having time to myself anymore for anything. I mean I knew picking up a part-time job would suck some of my free-time away but it also took so much energy I just cannot even function when I do have days off and that was after cutting the hours back on the part-time job. My husband said he understood but I sadly do not think he fully gets how it feels when you are both Type A and need to get things straight and finished because you cannot trust others to do it (okay well him mainly) and when you want to relax but the time you put aside for it you are so fatigued that you cannot even enjoy it. Like being tired and relaxing are NOT the same thing. Like some days I just want to enjoy cooking a great meal, doing an art project, going for a swim or workout, playing a game, or talking to friends on the phone! But then I get home and I am so tired that my Myasthenia Gravis says Nope and I am slurring and I have to choose between taking meds and not slurring enough to eat or talking to them on the phone and maybe eating 2 bites and being hungry all night because I won’t really be able to eat it without choking and I will have horrible indigestion and heart burn and mucus build up (since I can’t drink water to thin it out- remember I can’t swallow and this means choking and literally drowning). Then people say text and I can only do that so long before my fingers give out too because I have a job where I must type. At home I can use my dragon speech system but at work I have not used it trying to be as ‘normal’ as possible. So I try to upload snap chats of me and posts giving quick updates so they know I am ‘alive’ and the countdown to treatment so that they know when I can finally be semi-normal again. I feel so bad though because I feel like a horrible friend. I want to do so much more with them. And I truly miss them all! It makes me feel pretty lonely sometimes and I find myself wanting to cry but since that will cause worsening symptoms I don’t but I tear up often and they just fall. I know this is something that some people will just not understand.

 

 

Silent Fears and Frustrations…Part 1

Posted on by Lady CAS

So I have grown to learn that we all have something that we are afraid of. I use to think I was so fearless and I think that comes with this things called our teenage years and 20’s. Then we get a bit older and realize with our responsibilities and threat of death that we are indeed afraid of things that we may never have been afraid of before…But the fear mya have always been there.

For example, you may have told your friends when you were younger that you were not afraid of frogs but then you relaize as an adult that you do have a strange fear of them. You wonder how this was possible that you never had the strange irrational fear they your friend did when they were younger running and screaming as children. Then you realize it was because you never really encountered any or that you did not have that traumatic encounter until you were an adult (stepping on the frog and almost slipping and falling on it). The latter would be me. I stepped on a frog and since then when I see one I can watch it, and stare at in an enclosure, but I give them an unnaturally wide girth when I see them in the ‘wild’. I have no desire for that to happen again. For some reason that experience freaked me out and I just can’t deal with frogs the same again.

Next came my fixation with needing to not only do my job but do it the best I could. It wasn’t about sucking up as some people may have seen it, but about trying to figure out the best way to do my job the most efficiently without having to do twice the work. I wanted to create my own best practices for myself in a sense. So it was a frustration for myself when I failed or got behind on my work…When I say behind the deadline usually had not come yet it would still be a ways off but it was past my personal deadline of when I wanted it done. I prefer to get things done 1-2 weeks ahead of schedule s that if something is a team effort or someone else relies on me to get my information done so that they can glean information from me for their reports they will have it in time. Moreover, If it is a project they can because I get them done so early so they can look at them and tell me what modifications they would like so they can still be done in the original time frame.

So for me it’s part of the organization fun but it also helps take some of the stress off my mind to know it is done in advance. It has nothing to do with sucking up. But the problem comes in when I care too much about what others think, or care about when it comes to when I need a break. I care so much that I let others take time off, or worry about what they will do when I am not there and how it will affect them. My friends and some family say you should not because they do not do that for you but some do. They change their schedules for my treatment and work around me when I feel ill when and do not create a hostile environment for me because of it. However, I get what they are saying and I have to start remembering what psychologists and governing bodies of some of our other countries have been saying for years; vacation is not a luxury it is a necessity. You need it to recharge. Some countries offer up 30 days of vacation per year and that has nothing to do with a graduated service to the employer that is just standard…I mean seriously and that doesn’t even include the paid holidays. I feel like I truly need to become European people. If they take me…A visit is one thing, staying is a different matter altogether, LOL.

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Stay tuned for part 2 of my fears and frustrations…yea there’s more, LOL