Month: August 2016

Busy Busy Busy= 3 levels of busy

Posted on by Lady CAS

Lately I have been so busy it is quite stressful and hilarious. I have 3 levels of busy. I have work busy, home busy, and just plain ole busy.

Work Busy

With work busy as the name implies this deal with all the things associated with my jobs. I am stressed (good and bad) with things dealing with my jobs. I have certain deadlines, facility closures, customers, and a gazillion dates, and projects to keep up with. I try to do this seamlessly; however things to get a bit manic at times. I start some emails out really friendly and creative and sometimes find myself typing so hard and fast with emotion that my head and fingers hurt after I am done. These emails are the ones that I have to let sit in my drafts for a bit to allow them to cool and re-read before I send them to make sure I still have a job later…

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Class, respect, and tact is the name of the game. Then I go to my blog where I can say what I want, like how they should go belly flop off the highest diving board (because I don’t want them dead just in temporary discomfort…)

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Home Busy

So home ‘busy’ levels includes everything home. This is all things personal like my marriage, bills, errands, vacations, hanging with my friends and family, chores, and things along those lines. Its what people would usually say is everything else outside of work. I would even say this include my health and medical bookings and so on as well which encompassed a lot of my life at one point and still can be a lot as I have to schedule all my events around how I feel physically.

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Plain ole busy #insanity

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So this is when things just get out of control and I have no time for anything. I have had to start cutting things that are considered important to just to fit in more things that are important and nothing fits anywhere anymore and I am exhausted and yet the light at the end of the tunnel is usually so far off that I usually have to pretend my light at the end of the tunnel are my naps…

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and I dare you to wake me or think you are more important than the nap if it is not an emergency. In other words if someone has not died or is not dying…I DO NOT CARE!

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So there you have it right now I am experiencing all 3 levels and today when I hit my nap again before going to my second job I will be right back to plain ole busy getting ready for tomorrow so yea…Sorry not sorry. My next few weeks will be like this until I can get treatment, this move at my job happens, and a few things behind the scenes happen that I cannot quite talk about yet though I am anxious and excited for them to happen…#lifechanges #soontocome

Rotten Tomatoes…How would you feel?

Posted on by Lady CAS

I have a rather strange scenario for you (the readers) today. This actually happened to me yesterday and I am still unsure of how to feel about it as I am a quite an expressive and empathetic person. I tend to try to see a situation from every angle before trying to jump to a conclusion but I am just not sure how to react to this one.

Scenario:

I was cleaning my corporate building yesterday evening and as the some of the staff members were heading out one of the older male staff that I have had a few joking interactions with found me while I was cleaning an office down the hall.

Male: Hi there, Hey, Do you like tomatoes?

Me: Hi, uh, huh, um yes (thinking yes not that much but I could do something with them- I do not like waste food). 

Male: I have some tomatoes that I brought in that are in the lounge/ kitchen. I grew them myself. Now they have been there a couple of days and they are not the best tomatoes but they are there if you want them. You can cut away the bad spots and take them.

Me: Oh thank you! I thought to myself this that was nice. And I was sort of excited. I had not been offered anything before by anyone here before and he thought enough to look for me to offer me these so cool.

I go around and continue cleaning and see him again before he leaves and wish him a good evening as he officially heads out while putting out his trash and he leaves his desk. Then I get 2 doors down to the lounge/kitchen and see this:

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Now most people think of me as invisible there and ignore me. Moreover, in the 8 months I have been working there and all the catered events they have had there, no one has so much as offered me a piece of wrapped candy though they throw out tons of bagels, doughnuts, cake, sandwiches, pizzas and so on. Though to be honest after being someone who cleans up after them and knowing how most people are I would not eat after them. I am a person who likes to help ‘serve’ food to people so I know my food was not picked over, breathed on, and touched by unhygienic people who sneezed, coughed, talked, and dug all into places all around my food. I’m just saying.

Anyways, I felt like after being there for 8 months you come to me (anyone really) and the first time you come to me that is what I’m offered. Only one was near firm and the rest nearly melted in my hand when I touched them, literally juicing all the way down my arm which was apparently why they were on a paper towel. The one in the top right burst on impact then hit the chair in front of me and exploded in a red and white goopy mess and I was suppose to eat this…

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Then many of them had mold running out of the juice UGH! The picture actually made them look better than they were, durn camera, LOL. Regardless, I then thought back to his comment of the tomatoes having only been there a couple of days and laughed because I clean the build 3 times a week and I just cleaned it SUNDAY afternoon. So in other words he brought those nasty tomatoes in Monday spoiled then Tuesday night they were well beyond gone.

The worst part is that you actually opened your mouth to offer them to someone in that condition instead of throwing them away…there was nothing salvageable about these tomatoes.

So my question is should I feel upset? Was this truly an oversight on his behalf? Was he being naive? I would have had more pride in my garden not to try to give people something that was rotten but maybe he could not stand to see it go to waste like me with some food.

Or did he think, she is just a service worker and probably could use a handout, I will give it to her? Like I usually do not go here with my thinking but I am not seeing too much positive in 4 trash cans in this room and how totally rotten these tomatoes were. There were not just cosmetically bruised or cut around a spot bad as he said. They were bad inside and out. If I ate those I would have been so sick.

I refuse to think it had to do with race because I do not believe he would have had any interactions with me on any level of any kind if that were the case voluntarily. Though I could be wrong I think/ thought he was a nice guy.

However, I will not lie my first instinct was to become upset and irritated that he would dare to offer me something like this…However, in further thought he probably offered it to everyone since they were in the lounge/kitchen.

What are your thoughts?

 

5 Misconceptions About Black Women

Posted on by Lady CAS

So I saw this post and felt the need to share with all of my followers, not because I feel that any of you are the ones who fall into the category who fan the flames of such misconceptions but because I know you know people who do and hope that maybe you can educate them.

This post is NOT a post for men or male bashing…it is a post for educating people of all genders and races as I find that men are not the only people who are victims of these stereotypes and problematic thoughts.

Enjoy!

Appropriate Perception= Brainwashing

Posted on by Lady CAS

I have been working in a corporate environment now for almost 8 years and without even knowing it I have found myself conforming to certain unspoken rules. I have even found myself gawking at those outsiders who broke those rules and laughed later when telling my husband or friends how I couldn’t believe I felt that way. I have been brainwashed! Here are some of the unspoken rules:

  1. Don’t walk on the grass:
  2. No Running
  3. No spaghetti straps or sleeveless tops/ dresses without a cover-up
  4. No really short dresses
  5. No shorts
  6. No hats
  7. No super high heels
  8. No yelling
  9. No brightly colored hair
  10. Many or several piercings/ tattoos in the face/ body that are exposed

Now I am not one to cast judgement usually but when you work in a place like this you tend to find yourself unintentionally conforming to these rules and looking at people odd who do not fit the mold/ standard. There is an appropriate perception of what one should look like in these environments and some of them are necessary because they perpetuate HR issues (such as short dresses or shorts) or safety concerns like really high heels. However, many are just discriminatory and are perpetuated by society. I laughed at some of the unspoken rules because I myself have had tongue piercings in college, used temporary blue paint in my hair for softball games (for my whole head), and I am the proud wearer of 5 tattoos (though they are all on my back- well 1 is on the back of my neck).

At my job when they leased a new company over us a few years ago I almost died when i saw them playing games on the grass. I was like HOW DARE THEY.

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But yes they did CHILE I was done!!!

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Then the  stress from watching people come in from our newly created call center coming in wearing stripper heels and hair dyed every color under the rainbow with naked flesh hanging out everywhere…

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I mean I just can’t seem to pick myself up off the floor honey! But notice I fell out in style.

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But I think some of these women suffer from a far worse fate; they just have to be seen and heard and maybe this is why they are going so far.

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As for the grass thing, once the leased people left we thought people being in the grass would sort of go away. I mean we thought hey why make sidewalks if you were mean to walk in the grass. Then again they did spend lots of time on it and it looked so plush it does sort of make you want to walk through it barefoot.

But then Pokemon Go happened and there went the grass again so oh well, LOL. Screw your rules corporate America.

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Pushing to far or not?

Posted on by Lady CAS

I have to say that lately I have been doing a bit too much in terms of physical strength versus what I have to give in terms of my MG. I have overdoing it quite a bit lately and though I know this is not a good thing knowing that unlike most people I have no reserve and once I deplete early in the day I could seriously damage and land myself in the hospital if I go TOO far…I push anyway.

Some people ask why. Well it is not always a simple clear cut and dry answer. sometimes it is because I am frustrated and I am tired of waiting on others to do things that they say they are going to do (their job/ responsibility) and do not so I just do it.

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I can’t help it sometimes, it’s just my type A personality taking over!

Sometimes it is because I really just want to feel normal and hang out with friends and family but my body really was not up for it and I should have been at home resting or sleeping instead. But because I have spent so much time between school, work, and now this disorder being missing over the years I just want to be part of my family and friends again. (However, I learned with some of those people, this feeling is not a 2-way street and they are just trying to make me feel guilty for that time away though they had made little or NO effort since).

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Other times I push myself because I need to try to make new boundaries and see if I have improved any with my Myasthenia Gravis. I never want to become complacent with it. I want to see if I can eventually go years without treatment if possible until they can find a cure.

Then there are the rare occasions like now, where medical experts will not allow me to get treatment and want to ‘stress’ me a bit and go on like normal so they can run tests (single fiber EMG) on me. They even wanted me to stop several medications before seeing them; however, I told them with my set of symptoms my mestinon could not be stopped before hand without a plex treatment having occurred in the last month in this heat. I mean I have been sucking on my inhaler like it was oxygen the last 3 days.

More so, since I have to stress myself anyway and cannot get treatment yet until afterwards we might as well make it count because I do not want to wait to do extra over exerting things for after treatment occurs and ‘ruin’ the purpose of my treatment since I do not plan on getting another for 3-5 months after that. So we are rearranging our house now and doing ‘spring cleaning’. It’s hard and I am probably doing more than I should faster than I should but I am tired of looking at the clutter and mess and though it is not all mine and he is kind of helping as men do

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Ok he’s not this bad but you get the idea…

I have to spearhead this or it will not get done before the treatment and my house will never look the way I want it.

 

Growing Together

Posted on by Lady CAS

I have learned a lot since being married that I did not quite understand while dating my husband. He is more quirky than I realized, some may say complex but that is not true. Complex would imply that he truly was on a deeper level at times and though sometimes he is many times he is not but he is simply quirky and living the #teamweird life that I thrive off of. He has no idea, rhyme, or reason for why he does some things and is waiting to be guided toward something that gives him purpose at times.

He is truly one of the most laid back go with the flow or NOT guys I know. He will sit and do nothing for ever then suddenly he must be going somewhere for no reason at all just to sit and do more nothing (at least that is how it seems to me).

But as a woman I know it is because he wants to hang with the guys. I have learned that my husband and I together are interesting to others. We actually make other people stare in a very comical way most times. We bond together through games which is basically how we met (a recreational softball league). It’s obvious we have this in common and enjoy. So it is only natural that we play a ton of computer games, cards, board games, mobile games, console games, and so on. We also can be very competitive. We aren’t usually sore losers/ winners though thank goodness. I think we would probably divorce if we were, LOL. I cannot stand a sore loser or winner it drives me crazy.

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My husband is also a very touchy feely (COLD-NATURED) person. what this means is he wants to nuzzle and cuddle under my hot-natured self all the time and I cannot deal, LOL. I feel like I am going to ignite and spontaneously combust into flames each time he touches me for more than 3 seconds.  I feel like I was burned where ever his skin has come into contact with mine though in actually it may have slightly become warmer and even clammy though he NEVER notices. He is just happy to be near me and touched. He is just a very affectionate person. I used to be this way until I was broken by one ex in particular transitioning from high school to college. I tried my hardest even then to ignore the fact that we were both hot-natured but he was not a touchy feely person and pushed me away constantly and it made me self-conscious about be near people in that way. I have been unable to revert and being hot-natured has made it easy not to want to go back, PLUS with MG it makes me SUPER weak when I get over heated because I get up feeling like spaghetti and then I have issues talking and eating. So yea…I need to get him a little stuffed animal, blanket, or a something.

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Another thing I have learned is that my husband is a very visual learner and must not only hear you ASK him something but he needs to see it to remember it. Moreover, even if you think you are asking it becasue it is the inflection in you voice where you think it is obvious that it was a question and that it was nice or a joke, he may have taking the tone completely different depending on his mood because my husband has just come to terms that he is more emotional that he would like to think. Like most men they bottle up their emotions but for him he did this way more than most for so long that it caused some deeper issues and now he tends to wear them on his sleeve with those closest to him and take it out on us. I have had to learn to show him when he is doing it and to lovingly and patiently help him see this is not conducive to our marriage and especially the situation. That is not always easy for such an outspoken woman…I had to learn how to be tight-lipped some days. Then explain later how I felt and that I am glad he got the point before I kindly dotted all his I’s (eyes) crossed his T’s (testes) and gave him the biscuit he asked for at breakfast (throat punched him).

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I love him though. Now if I could only get the little scavenger to stop eating my snacks. He has one more time before I…

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Testing of all sorts

Posted on by Lady CAS

I am coming up on a much needed single fiber EMG which makes me so nervous I could vomit but I shall try to contain myself. A single fiber EMG may not sound that bad but believe me when I tell you how bad it was for me you…

So a single fiber EMG evaluates how well the nerve and muscle communicate.  It involves insertion of a recording needle electrode into the area of the nerve-muscle communication point (the neuromuscular junction). There may be some discomfort with insertion of the electrodes (similar to an intramuscular injection, or a shot that goes right into the muscle). A single fiber EMG is often done on an eye, forehead, or forearm muscle. CITED- http://www.netwellness.org/healthtopics/gravis/box2.cfm

Ok maybe it doesn’t sound like it’s not that bad! Because I have had it done twice and when I say a needle in your forearm, forehead, and in your neck is not fun- what I mean to say is IT HURTS LIKE HELL AND DON’T LET THEM TELL YOU OTHERWISE. My Expert’s exact works were (when he had to put it my forehead and I was already drained from everywhere else he had gone and tired was, ‘this part is going to be a bit ouchy’ I am sure that is NOT a professional term and if he is using ouchy that at this point I should just shoot myself!

I take friggin 15 & 16 gauge needles with no anesthesia in both arms (and this was often and he was pricking me in my forehead near and I just did not want to see that durn needle coming! Was that too much to ask! Apparently it was. And in a teaching hospital, nothing happens fast, so having an EXPERT in a teaching hospital means they put him in a basement where he can write amazing books and publications and do studies but it means that everyone else around him may well be incompetent.

So just after my test (as I was already at my weakest being admitted to the hospital in the first place) they tried to give me my meds after taking them away for 2 days and guess what I could not swallow and choked on my water and was sent to the ICU and vomited and choked on that and the students just stared. One even had the nerve to ask me what I was doing as I was just strong enough to put my head over the rail and not lay back and drown in my vomit in my almost flat bed. Finally, though I had been holding it down like a crazy person for several minutes, the person on the other end of my call bell stopped being lazy and realized it was a real emergency in the ICU (go figure) and stop asking what I needed. She realized what state I was in and went into action.

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I was in full panic mode by this time. I was absolutely terrified because I could not breathe through the vomit and they were trying to grab the suction for me and I snatched it and suction myself and felt better immediately. I just needed them to turn it on, lol. Then I was so weak afterwards I almost passed out. They put oxygen on me, a forced oxygen kit because I was no longer breathing well on my own…wonder why!?! When my family came in and saw that they went ballistic.

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So needless to say I am very anxious about this test. This time I have warned my parents that I am not admitted just outpatient and if they are not allowed to go back with me that I will not take meds until they are with me and we will drive back across town to my preferred hospital as their hospital lost that right just over 2.5 years ago. You don’t get to almost kill me again, LOL. That tested me in ways I didn’t not expect! But I am definitely stronger because of it. I know I can do it, even if I do not want to do it again, it is better to conquer it, educate myself on my progress, and move on.