My life has felt much like a hurricane of late. The past 18 months has seemed like nothing more than the biggest storm of my life and I know it is not over. I feel like that stubborn native group of locals that have lived near the coast all their lives and have seen countless storms and no matter how bad the storm may be refuse to evacuate. In fact I’m the genius who even enjoys the going out into the storm and sitting on the beach and enjoying the wind and surf just before hand just because it feels good. Listening to the waves crash and hearing the wind, and watching the storm approach…though I may not be dumb enough to actually get into the surf, I feel like this time I fell off the peer while watching the storm approach…The hazard of being the local idiot.
I was fighting for a marriage that I realized was I was ready for but he was not. We were better off as friends. Sadly, along the way he realized how much he wanted the marriage after I was done…But it was too late for me. I had honestly been put the the ringer for far too long. I could not just bounce back again. Unfortunately, as life goes, I not only managed to just have a divorce to deal with…but my car decided to go completely out at the same time…you would say that’s not as big as a a divorce…but it stemmed from an issue within our marital problems. Another reason I wanted the divorce…Then because of the car issue I was written up at work for being late to work something that just never happens to me. I was floored.
One of my other co-workers had similar issues a few weeks before and called to say he would be late but he did not get written up. He even had to leave during the day to handle it. However, since I had an interview with a higher up that day and it may have had to be rescheduled and my boss happened to mention it I was written up. Again…I was floored. This was highly unusual and I was hurt. I felt like I was being betrayed. I wanted to cry out that I was being made an example out of when he nor the other co-worker were never written up for any of their times being late and that I followed procedures just as they had…but instead I owned it and kept my composure. I have learned that playing the blame game or crying doesn’t really solve much. It just causes my symptoms to flair up and I still have a problem to solve.
I was let go after I took leave from a surgery 2 weeks later under a really strange excuse; however, it did grant me the ability to still work within the organization because it was such a strange issue that seems to be just an issue with that client. My boss and co-workers still give me references and keep in contact which I appreciate. So, I honestly just believe that it is just because it is just the universe saying it is time for me to move on a begin working in my new field and take that new step. Though everything is still not final and I still have a ways to go, I will say that I will not life get me down, I am a fighter and I know that whatever He brings me to, He will bring me through…I have to believe that!