I’m Not Beautiful…
So after a lifetime of soul searching and and understanding I am very comfortable with who I am physically! I know my worth and I love the way I look! I can say that with conviction! However, and I am sure there are many women out there who can agree, even when you heard your parents say it, you did not believe you were beautiful growing up.
They may have said it when you came home crying about the children teasing you, or when you went to prom, your graduation day, wedding and so on. They meant it; however, your thoughts were/ are they are your parents they had to say it and may have even been they did not say it enough.
Some parents may have felt that saying it too much may have caused the child to be too conceited and shallow. However, this may be a good thing in some cases. This can prevent a child from looking for that justification from friends and those that wish to become sexual with them.
They use this as a means to get in their pants because they can sense the insecurity. They shower them with compliments, charming them into a sense of caring, love and affection that seemingly far exceeds what they have felt or been shown before and they fall for it. They are not used to being pampered by someone who will cater to them so getting little things done like their hair, nails, clothes, or spa treatments makes them feel special and desired.
They have only been ridiculed for everything else. I was once this girl. I was always picked on for being the nerd. Don’t get me wrong I am still a nerd/geek and proud of it. I value education like none other! But I was so insecure about my looks from being cut down by some family and so-called friends and being confused about my body that I was too insecure and naive for my own good. Now don’t go getting the wrong idea, I was told I love you and I was beautiful, I just simply believed they had to say it as parents and didn’t understand the depth and value of these words until much later.
Parents should openly discuss things no matter how it makes THEM feel. Their desire to be upset, or think things are wrong only makes matters worse. Saying what should not happen scares a child from talking. I understand this is how they were taught sometimes. But sometimes it takes saying this is a no judgement zone where we can talk about anything time…is there anything you want to ask me? tell me? start doing? stop doing? do more of?
Because as children we need help with guiding questions and conversations. We need the talk about alcohol and drugs. We need to understand how we feel about sex without just being told NOT to have sex. We need to be able to discuss that we have feelings about sex and what to do with those feelings. We need parents to be honest and give us real world examples and help us. Shutting us down and not answering us makes us feel like they do not understand, are lying to us, or refuse to hear us. Though as adults we understand why they did it, we also know/ learn that there can be better ways (though some people still choose not to go that route later).
I will tell my child often they are attractive (handsome/beautiful), but that school comes first. They will have opportunities to talk to me (but as open as we are) I am still your parent. They will know the importance of family and understand the what it means to have a strong work ethic. They will respectful even when I am not around because they are representing me and our family everywhere they go and they will be honest because it is the right thing to do not because someone told them to or someone is watching. And they will probably be a bit goofy because they are my child!