I had grand plans of blogging everyday since my last blog and was on track to do so. I had even created several blogs ahead of time and scheduled them days in advance for days that I knew I may be too busy to do so. I was preparing myself. However, sometimes there are days and times in life that you just cannot prepare for and when they hit you, your whole world stops.
Last week was one of those instances happened for me. I have blogged many times about my little dogs Porter and Pepper. They are the funniest little dogs ever and have the biggest personalities.
I have told countless stories to anyone who will listen about how they make us laugh and what they are up to. The one on the left is named Pepper aka Heffa-lump (like winnie the pooh) because he hops down the steps kind of like a bunny and makes a sound like a herd of elephants. SO the first thing that came to mind to me was heffa-lump. He is spunky and is always barking, he loves the sound of his own voice and NEVER stops moving. He perches on the steps too. he bottom on the step ABOVE where he head and front paws are. So that he is half standing (in the front) and his bottom is seated on the higher step. He enjoys being touched. I mean seriously it doesn’t matter if it’s his back touching the side of your small toe, as long as he is physically being touched by you. He also loves walking on 2 legs when he meets new people. Philly calls him a ‘midget’ in a dog suit. No offense to any little people. He just says that he cannot be a dog always walking around on 2 legs. He thinks he’s ‘people’.
Porter is the one on the right. He is quiet and skiddish but sweet as pie. He loves to lick and that means anything, toys, you, and especially himself (but not the normal places a dog licks) and the carpet. We called him the cat dog. He took long licks of his arms and legs like a cat all day long. This dog loves water and showers. I have had even had to turn him around in the shower so he will not face the shower head and drown. He loves He also was a cuddle bug. He loved to nuzzle you and get cozy. He would turn over on his back and let you play with his paws like a cat with a ball of yarn like this as well the stretch out and go to sleep. His favorite activities were eating and sleeping. He could eat his food faster than lightning. He never chewed. And Then he slept nearly 16 hours every day yet was never overweight. I have no idea how this was possible.
The love that the two of them showed toward one another was even more special. I enjoyed watching them ‘bicker’. Literally sitting on each other because the other would not get off their beds. Or when Porter was little trying take Pepper’s leg like it was a bone and was not attached to him. I enjoyed watch then snuggle on the same pillow and go to sleep. And go outside to the bathroom and wait for the other to come out behind them before the they walk away from the door to go potty (like girls they go in packs).
But last week, my little was diagnosed with a huge mass in his lungs and they were fairly certain it was cancerous. Backing up to about 12 days before they thought he had pneumonia. So he was on antibiotics. The cough he had cleared up for the most part, but his breathing did not really get any better and he was still lethargic and having trouble eating and unable to get comfortable. Moreover, the cough had not completely subsided. So we took him back and they did more tests. They did another xray. Unlike the first time when they said it was just fluid this was when they found the mass in his right lung. After a stay in the hospital they became fairly certain. They said they could run more tests to find out what type but either way it was a long road of what if’s. Having been though this more than once before, I could not watch him suffer. He had lost a lot of weight because they also could not get him to eat, and he a life of pain meds or chemo was not worth prolonging his life for my comfort/ selfishness.
The difference was it was the first time it was actually MY decision since it was MY dog. In the past it was a family dog but this was a dog that was mine and the family loved it as their own. It was the hardest decision to make. Until I wrote this blog I thought I was done spilling tears being gone nearly 8 days ago. I cried so much 2 days leading up to it and the 3 days after I thought I would surely be dehydrated and had become sick on a few occasions.
He was there for 11 years of my life adult life the most formative years of my life. Through undergraduate school until now. Big transitions happen in your life in that time. For me, graduation from 3 degrees (undergrad, 2 masters), first apartments, first full-time (corporate job), marriage, divorce, and so on. But through all that I will continue knowing that I had a friend who was always happy and sweet no matter how bad my day was. He gave me love no matter what I had done wrong. And he listened to me babble about the silly things that mattered that I may never remember but seemed a big deal then and I will never forget him. We give Pepper plenty of love for Porter and though he still waits for porter to come outside to go potty (and it breaks our hearts) we know he will adjust.
We love you Porter! Until we meet again on the Rainbow Bridge!