Let’s start by saying overall, my day has been good! HOWEVER, little things made the day awkward. This morning my hands were weaker than normal and my puppy exploited this by using the moment I need fine motor skills to clip on his chain to wallow on the floor like a monkey.
Then while deciding to get my laundry together to wash this evening since I felt like poop this weekend my puppy decides to chirp like a bird and then howl because he thought I was leaving him…Mind you I can’t trust him further than I can see him and he thought I’d leave him out in the open to roam.
I got to work and all technology, computers, suction, and processing for financial services through 3rd parties went berserk.
Then there must have been a full moon or an airborne chemical anomaly that hit the world at the same time and only the immune are confused on what is going on. Patients today made me seriously consider if the things in front of my eyes were even real. Patients saying unaware if they made appts or not, patients creating treatment that was not there, it just went on. We have never had so many emergencies unless it’s been a full moon either. Countless people ignoring the voicemail that gave them the office emergency number but instead called this morning with the biggest emergencies.
somehow through all of this I managed to get my work done and get ahead for the first time in weeks.
I even got to take my lunch. At the end of the day all hell broke loose, with more patient issues and I eventually just told the staff to figure out a way to handle it or the patients can contact me tomorrow, I have been off for 15 and I deserve to leave on every once in a while. Then, began my journey home and on such a day thought it was a good idea to check through all my messages.
I have no idea if I was doing it on purpose or subconsciously but I did not text someone I think may be relationship material and it got weird even though I thought I was over it. I am not! I am not holding it against them but I am holding them responsible. I have to face some issues when it comes to dating but not today. I don’t know what happened to the world as I slept but please tell Monday to stop mooning us!
So now that I have given a very brief update to my life. I would like to share the good. I have truly felt refreshed and anew. I have had a string of not so positive things happen, but I have found a way to learn from them and move on. My mother always says you are always on the right path when a lot of obstacles that are usually out of your control begin to happen. She says that is when you will be blessed for how you adapt and deal with them. I choose to believe this because any time I have been faced with a ton of grief and negativity the next best things begins to happen.
I have an addition to my singular life. His name is Storm. He is a 6.5 month old mini schnauzer with a larger than life personality. I got him at 5.5 weeks old and he never ceases to amaze me. He is quite intelligent though he does not always choose to use that for good.
I have started a new job and though I would love to grow with this organization, I hope to find my next step up. Part of that deals with creating a new business I have been working on the last year. I hope to get my finances and network together to begin as soon as possible.
I have also started working on my goals both short-term and long-term. I have decided it is always better to include your friends and have done just that. In my last post I spoke of creating a vision board. It has been on my to do list for over a year and I finally did it with my friends.
Regardless of the right hook that 2020 threw us all I have found a way to stop feeling lonely. Beginning with finding things that work for me and are great self care. Sometimes that means being a little selfish, but if you don’t go out of your way to make time for yourself, no one else will.
I have been gone for some time. I have to put a completely serious post up to start before I can give me normal sarcastically funny banter I am known for. I have neglected me and everything I stand for in the last 3 years. I have gone through a tough surgery (Thymectomy) that I would not suggest unless you for sure have a Thymoma. I have been tied to many medications and have to beg to be weened off them for months. One of which was prednisone and it took them several years to even figure out I was just left on it. It was no longer serving a purpose but I was on 40mg for 5 years. I was even asked why I was on it. They never reduced or redressed it from my first hospital visit in 2014. I gained over 70 lbs and nothing had changed about my diet or exercise except that medication. I began to lose hope in my team of doctors from that point.
I have always seen myself to be quite optimistic about having MG, but that has started to change a bit. Knowing what my ultimate goal is I am getting the slowest results. I want to be able to have a family, travel the world, and feel like I did (for the most part) like I did before MG. Thanks to Soliris I do feel like me most days; however, I do not feel fulfilled. I do not feel full and loved.
Recently I had decided to go back to therapy. I finally found someone I like and started again. I feel like this is my first step back into normalcy despite the weight loss and new beginnings leaving bad relationships and jobs behind. I do not wish to get too in-depth with the jobs and relationships because I feel I am finally getting on the other side of that but I would like to say I am gaining my motivation and confidence back.
I am a person with a lot of light and positive energy. That being said, I am an empath and that can be a catch 22. Partners are attracted to me because I have something they do not possess and when they realize it is not something I can give them but they have to find for themselves the relationship becomes sour. I begin dragged down by their negativity and an object of them lashing out.
Do not misunderstand me, I have my own baggage as we all do but many past relationships have confirmed this as well as my therapist. I kept thinking it was me, because it was the same pattern. Then I realized that I will always attract them I have to look beyond those and keep moving to find equality or at the very least mutual goals and needs that fit like a puzzle.
I created a vision board, went back to therapy, created my budget, and began blogging again and realized I will be where I aspire. I have built up a great support system and network of amazing accomplished individuals. I am beginning to feel loved and full and know that I am enough!