I have been gone for some time. I have to put a completely serious post up to start before I can give me normal sarcastically funny banter I am known for. I have neglected me and everything I stand for in the last 3 years. I have gone through a tough surgery (Thymectomy) that I would not suggest unless you for sure have a Thymoma. I have been tied to many medications and have to beg to be weened off them for months. One of which was prednisone and it took them several years to even figure out I was just left on it. It was no longer serving a purpose but I was on 40mg for 5 years. I was even asked why I was on it. They never reduced or redressed it from my first hospital visit in 2014. I gained over 70 lbs and nothing had changed about my diet or exercise except that medication. I began to lose hope in my team of doctors from that point.
I have always seen myself to be quite optimistic about having MG, but that has started to change a bit. Knowing what my ultimate goal is I am getting the slowest results. I want to be able to have a family, travel the world, and feel like I did (for the most part) like I did before MG. Thanks to Soliris I do feel like me most days; however, I do not feel fulfilled. I do not feel full and loved.
Recently I had decided to go back to therapy. I finally found someone I like and started again. I feel like this is my first step back into normalcy despite the weight loss and new beginnings leaving bad relationships and jobs behind. I do not wish to get too in-depth with the jobs and relationships because I feel I am finally getting on the other side of that but I would like to say I am gaining my motivation and confidence back.
I am a person with a lot of light and positive energy. That being said, I am an empath and that can be a catch 22. Partners are attracted to me because I have something they do not possess and when they realize it is not something I can give them but they have to find for themselves the relationship becomes sour. I begin dragged down by their negativity and an object of them lashing out.
Do not misunderstand me, I have my own baggage as we all do but many past relationships have confirmed this as well as my therapist. I kept thinking it was me, because it was the same pattern. Then I realized that I will always attract them I have to look beyond those and keep moving to find equality or at the very least mutual goals and needs that fit like a puzzle.
I created a vision board, went back to therapy, created my budget, and began blogging again and realized I will be where I aspire. I have built up a great support system and network of amazing accomplished individuals. I am beginning to feel loved and full and know that I am enough!