Chains and Whips Excite Me, But flyswatters Are EVIL


A few months ago I was at my mom’s house and one of the funniest and weirdest moments ever happened. I was standing in the kitchen when my cell phone started ringing. My ring tone at the time was Rhianna’s S&M. The music was loud, my mom and dad who are now senior citizen, learned the song probably from my ringtone, were singing and humming it as reached for it dancing and singing.

I thought to myself how strange a scene it was probably for most people to have their parents not only hear such a song but to sing the song and laugh at it. My mom was like you are a pervert and laughed. My sister and brother who was just in the other room made a comment to the effect of she would (she meaning me). They have always been in awe of how I managed to bring my parents into more modern ways and ‘break’ down their barriers. But it’s not so much that as it is the same with all older parents and the youngest child(ren) the parents are tired. They give up/in they just say screw it and go with the flow. That child is going to be them and they are going to love them so why fight so hard knowing that they have older siblings to help guide them if they get too crazy, LOL. It’s true, my parents did an AMAZING job with them so any possible faults there may have been with me I know to look to them to get something right for myself, though my sister says she ain’t seen that day quite yet, LMBO. I told her it has happened at least once with each sibling and they just don’t know it but I do! They need only ask and I would reveal it.

Anyways, back to S&M! We are all dancing and humming about chains and whips exciting me and me liking it as some random caller rings me. THEN I glance to my left and see IT. The orangish/reddish/pinkish (it seemed to change color depending on my mood or perhaps the day) butterfly shaped fly swatter. It had butterfly shapes within it as well. It sent me into a slow motion daze which seemed to go on for like 15 minutes but in actuality probably only last 3 seconds.

In that time I thought about the my not so graceful and honest moments as a child and pre-teen. I may not have had many but you did not need many where that butterfly weapon was involved. It may not have been the same because it was not cracked in the middle of it’s spine when it was broken over my limbs that looked like they had been seizing like an electrified animation. But it was the same brand from the same store. My hives began to throb and I almost imagine they were the same butterfly shaped welts that would develop later to remind me liars deserved to be popped. It stung more than anything but you learned not be anywhere near the kitchen when you lied. If she had nothing at least you had to go to your room for her to cool off and maybe you would get grounded. But that stupid butterfly of doom. I mean you always thought butterflies were peaceful like rainbows and unicorns…but not me…I don’t go flitting about after butterflies.

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I literally flinch every time they come near me in parks and such and my husband laughs. I never realized it until the day with this ring tone. I will watch them from a distance and think pretty but I rather watch a bird. Butterflies are tricksy

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When time sped back up I shuddered and thought, sticks and stones make break my bones, but chains and whips excite me, but BUTTERFLY SHAPED FLYSWATTERS ARE EVIL!


I’m Awesome!

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I refuse to believe anything less about myself! No this is not part of my therapy routine I have not started yet, lol. I simply believe this about all that I do and embody. However, there are aspects about me that I do not like, just like everyone else. I simply believe that with all that I do I friggin rock and sometimes I feel like I should toot my own horn.


There are days like yesterday where I am on it. I somehow manage to get everything going in the right direction and moving and still have a smile on my face. I set up several appointments for myself and my husband at different offices through a series of phones calls and emails. I had a conference call that seemed to go on forever and the way my attention is set up sometimes I struggled so hard to pay attention that I actually managed to pay attention at the right times. DO NOT ask me how that happened.

Then I was able to still manage to get all my work done on time and still keep my stress levels down. Though my strength and mind were totally on ‘E’ I mean I felt like I was happy as a lark and oblivious to everything but very tired and ready for a good ole nap all day.

I was still on a roll though. I got all this accomplished, moved through the day. Kept my cell on my hip and constantly in play (multitasking master here) because I was making constant moves/ appts. Then when I off one job went straight to the other things seemed to move in slow motion. I didn’t put my bluetooth headphones on like normal to play my music/ receive calls and I felt naked and sluggish. I knew I would still get through the job in time because I had managed to get there in time to get done by the time I desired even after staying later at my full-time job to make up time for earlier in the week. I was still on a role but boy did I want my music. When things started to slow down mentally I did have to give in to one snapchat moment where I documented work feeling never ending. Then I got back on it and kept going.

I finished and saw a text from the hubbs…and though my day was great his was not as on point but I didn’t let it spoil my day because funny enough (and maybe not so nicely) it was a gloating moment for me. He says, “guess what, I broke my glasses”. I’m thinking to myself the same glasses that you misplace several times a day, that you throw about haphazardly roll over on the floor in your sleep while napping on the floor, don’t wear protective goggles over while working in landscaping? Those? The same ones that you have broken a trillion times and the last time we went to get them fixed they said they probably won’t be able to fix them again because they are so far beyond repair…THOSE? Then your eyes are so bad that you squint even with them on…And you got those like in 2008 and when I say you need new ones and we have insurance just get new ones you keep putting it off…saying you will and each time they break you say I should go ahead…I keep saying before the next time they break and they say they won’t help you because you are not a client of theirs or that they are beyond repair…

Well sometimes…I told you so is just not enough! LOL. So he is rocking a rubber band over his frames right now. I do not feel bad at all because I have designer frames for way cheap from an awesome place (America’s Best) 2 pair during their sale and you get 3 years of free eye exams for $99 and he won’t even go in for that. Silly man! Sometimes you have to drag men kickin and screamin to health appointments…I never thought it was that serious or true…BUT GEESH! I feel like I should be enetered in the Austrailian wife dragging husband race competition. At least there are prizes and recognition for it. Him and the eye doctor thing is ridiculous to the point of hilarity, I’m like what do you think is going to happen in there man? Can’t be as bad as your ER trip a few months ago for a scratched cornea. That was one of the funniest days ever, though at the time he wasn’t laughing!


But even he admitted last night I was awesome on top of everything last night because I still didn’t say, “I TOLD YOU SO” I just giggled at his rubber band and said what did you put in the oven? He laughed and said well there is enough for you and can I have one of your powerade drinks and we talked about all the appointments scheduled which one of them SHOULD have been an EYE APPOINTMENT for GOLDILOCKS!

My Awesome Birthday Gifts

There are times that you get a gift for your birthday and you say yeah ok I like this, or this will come in handy. You truly appreciate it and are happy for it. Then there are times that as soon as you hear about a gift you are receiving or get a gift and PUFF UP with excitement and pride and know exactly how you are going to spend every moment with these gifts. You have already planned every waking minute with said items. I did not ask for anything for my birthday yet when i said the things that I had planned to get for myself on the months leading up to my birthday and the days after, people felt compelled to get them for me. I was ecstatic because obviously I already had planned to get them for myself so I really wanted them. I had researched them and everything. Then I got 2 unexpected gifts…but let me slow down and start from the beginning.

So the first person to get me a gift was my sister though I received her gift last due to it being left at her house and me just not meeting her there. My mom had seen it and they kept telling me how awesome my gift was. And indeed it was. She has incredible fashion sense and tends to buy me awesome clothes (well anyone in our family). She needs to be a celebrity shopper or something. Anyways, she bought me a cute sweater with with some pizzazz from one of my favorite stores (Torrids) then I saw it…Some shorts though likely pajama shorts I will find myself in them in random places (the beach, maybe working out, and possibly doing some crazy event). They were shorts that had WONDER WOMAN on them. I was excited and never knew I would be excited about something like this. But I was. I was really excited about them. I think partially because I see curvy larger girls wearing such cute things and I always wanted things like these but they just never looked right on me or I could not find them in my size and here they were. I was in love. I actually felt moved by these shorts and my sister had no idea she had done something so sincere with her normal giving nature in just that action.

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Then there was my husband’s gift. I asked for an ice cream cake and boy o boy did he deliver. He let me choose the one I wanted from Cold Stone called Strawberry Passion. It was layers of moist red velvet cake, strawberry puree and strawberry ice cream with graham cracker pie crust wrapped in fluffy strawberry frosting. I was in HEAVEN. Usually I only eat one slice each year of any ice cream cake but this year we bought a 6 inch cake and I ate half of it and he the other (over the course of 2 days). I did not regret it one bit, only made sure to start the veggies immediately upon finishing it to tame the rising sweet tooth that was sure to come since I rarely to eat such sweets. Again paradise…I just sunk into the sofa and melted into another universe with it.

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Then the next day I met up with my best friend for breakfast at a new restaurant (well new to us) and we had an amazing breakfast and she gave me an itunes card. I was planning on getting some new music via that same platform and was enthusiastic about it because I had been listening to some new artists and needed to get it in my repertoire soon so I could play it non-stop until I could just about hear it on the radio or anywhere else and think the next song is…oh wait this isn’t the album, lol. I have done that so many times in my life wearing an album out. Thank you girl. I need this music in my life it was so positive and great and been reaching to me for weeks. That card was right on time. It gets me started revamping my music collection, it’s been a while.

Finally, my mom and I were having a conversation about my husband. He sometimes has moments of MANLINESS. You know the moments people, these are the moments where he shoves his foot so far down his throat that when he realizes that it is there it is up to his thigh and he can read the label on the back of his pants. Welp he had that moment about 2-3 weeks ago. He started making more and more comments about me taking over ‘HIS’ tablet. Which before then was our tablet our so I thought. Granted he got it with a deal with his phone, but said we would share it. He rarely ever used it and neither did I. Then I started using it more and suddenly so did he…but not really because I did he just did because of some apps he put on it as did I. So when he made the comment, “man you have had MY tablet so much lately that I forgot what it looked like” and tried to laugh it off. I said ‘MY’…’YOUR’ and then he laughed and said ‘OUR’ and I said don’t worry I will get my own. Then he didn’t like this. Because he knows when I buy things I research really well and get exactly what I want, like I did with my phone and everything else and he is usually jealous.I knew he meant what he said, but he kept trying to play it off but he did a bad job of it. He next line went something like…Man see you gonna go get an iPad air or something that got everything, and a gazillion gigs of memory and what not…and he droned on for like 5 minutes.

Now it was my turn to laugh. I said I would not get a something that expensive, I promised that whatever I got would be less than $50 and still out do anything he got and that I would be happy as pie about it all. He soon forgot about the conversation. My mom and I talked about this conversation about 2 weeks later…It just happened to come up as my husband managed to make another comment earlier that day again about my use of the tablet…She said well how much do they cost and I said $40-60 and there was one I was looking at around $50 or so that had everything that I was going to get. She then said, well, I have not given you a birthday gift yet, would you rather that be your gift…and I said well SURE. I had not even thought of that.

I said welp buddy you are getting your just desserts now, LOL. I usually do not play a game of war with my husband…who am I kidding yes I do. We do it all the time, all in fun and we will have fun with this as well my whole family for weeks to come, but he deserved it for being a numbskull. I made sure it had all the bells and whistles too including coming with a keyboard case, stylus, and headphones, having more memory, buying an additional memory card to expand the memory, and having an hdmi port (which came with the cord) to hook to the t.v. Yep I went all out.And of course front and rear facing cameras. And since he’s a tech head he is going to want to get his hands on it and play with it and I will know when he tries because he will need my PASSWORD or PIN to get in. I’m not hiding a thing but it’s so I know when he has it, LMBO. I did the same thing with my phone for the first 10 months because he likes to try to download and change everything and make things like he wants it telling you what apps you needs and don’t need (I can’t stand that). I almost got in car accident once trying to voice text (cus I was trying to see what happened to it and turn it back on) only to find he THOUGHT it was not a necessary function and disabled it. I’m like um I use my voice features to call, text, and so on while driving dork, why would you cut that off? I use it to stay hands free (with headphones or bluetooth) and not look at the phone which defeated the purpose that day, smh.

Anyways, he had no idea this tablet was coming, at least not this way because he thought it was weeks away if I ever did it and he did not know I ordered it. It came this morning. I hugged my package to my chest and danced around my house. Since he doesn’t read my blog (though it goes to email since he is a subscriber) he won’t see this and I will just walk in the house and start using it). I have half a mind to tell him it’s from my love but I won’t do that, BWAHAHA.

I have taught him time and time being selfish gets you nowhere, LOL. I share all my stuff with him and he never takes care of it and breaks it which was another reason I wanted my own tablet before he did that and I did not have one. The man had torn through every pair of headphones, charger, and misc gadget in our house…if you know what’s good for you it better have a warranty.

can’t wait to see his reaction tonight! I know this is wrong but you have to have fun in your marriage, LOL this is our way…Can you laugh at each other? How do you have fun? We declare war!

I Love You a LATTE Kind of Day


I am a naturally energized woman. It just comes out of nowhere. When I think I have nothing left my second wind comes. Then when that disappears, welp I somehow get a third and fourth. I know it’s a strange thing to say since by having a chronic disorder and an autoimmune disorder I should be whining about how tired I am and never having enough energy but I do somehow always manage to get by. I know this is nothing but my faith in God that gets me there though because there are days like yesterday that I should NOT have been able to finish the day without every symptom I have flaring up and raising every alarm and me just passing out.

I had a 20+ hour day and was so active in the day that my “pacer” app hit new records for me and I was not even shocked. I was actually elated. My boss at my part-time job even freaked out because I was not at my second job at my usual time though and he thought I was not coming in (though I do not have to be there right at 6p as long as I am before 2am) to get my few hours in. He apologized for the freak out since I am always god at calling AND texting to make sure someone gets my message by noon on any day I am not going to be in. I did not need the apology because I understand that in his position it probably has happened many times from other employees. He was just doing his job and checking just in the off chance something happened and he needed to send someone to fill my position last night. When you have worked with a ton of part-timers you understand the mentality and you do not mind it, in fact you admire and appreciate his efficiency and dedication especially at 8:13p.

Yesterday, I woke up at 4a worked my full-time job until 1:30p. Then went grocery shopping and put those away at home. Then got to the dentist office 10 minutes late, LOL. But I knew that it was easier when it was less busy at that time than fighting the after work crowd. I got an excellent report by the way at the dentist better than I had in a while since they always say my gums are inflamed and this time they were excellent.

Then I left there and went to the hospital to sit with my grandmother who had just had hip replacement surgery that morning. She got out of surgery around 3. By the time I get there at 4:30p physical therapy is there rubbing her legs and minutes later she is up and walking for the first time since her surgery which she literally just got back from. I was amazed and proud. She was doing great, such a trooper. I sat with her and kept her company and talked with her nurses and made sure I got any information needed for my mom and aunt who would be with her more often than I for the next couple of weeks during her recovery.

I left at 7:50 and grabbed dinner and put gas in my car. Then went to my part-time job. called my boss who called mere minutes before that with the freaked out to ensure I was looking at the work phone to check in and did just that. I cleaned my building and left work. I went home and walked through the door at 10:55p and then sagged with the weight of the day finally. It had hit me all at once. I was glad that my ankles had not swollen to grapefruit size again. It told me that it was in fact going off my migraine meds for those 3 days that did me in last week. They were a tad swollen but who can blame them for 20+ hours of movement this time. But they didn’t really hurt but the rest of me did. I put my clothes in the wash, got my things together for the next day, and ate what my husband cooked. Then he said GO TO BED in a text, LOL. He was in another room because I was going to sleep with my foot propped up and he didn’t want to snore me out of existence or bother me in any way so he slept in our guest room. I don’t think it took me 20 minutes to fall asleep for once. I was sleep around midnight thankfully.

I woke up this morning and laid there for an hour before being able to move, LOL. It was hard work moving. I knew I overdid it yesterday but what was I to do? I needed to do those things, they are not everyday occurrences, at least not in that sequence. So I borrowed some energy from today and cheated a bit. Needless to say I’m paying a bit for it today. I bought a coffee today. I can count how many times I drink coffee each year. It usually follows a day like yesterday…So there you have it. It’s a latte sort of day with mindless clicking at the keyboard to stay awake, countless to do list pre-made so that I can’t forget what I was doing and stay on task and a I made everything for today on my calendar yesterday or Wednesday because I knew I would be in this mental state. My memory gets bad on days like today thanks to my migraine preventor so I just prepare for it. My to do lists, emails, and client workouts are all set and I get things done when I am alert and able. That way when today comes I seem on my game though I am totally NOT.

Days like today between the mindless clicking on the keyboard I have large lulls of daydreaming, I have switch between project often, and sometimes I have to walk around or read a book or something to keep it together (usually only lasts for about 5-10 minutes at a time) but I know it’s my anxiety getting to me because I need sleep. Today will be a bit worse since my co-worker took off and I have no one to talk to…Fridays in my facility people leave early so it is always a ghost town in here and then without someone in here and I’m feeling like this I am trying to rein in my stir crazy feeling. The anxiety of no sleep feeling bottled up and then wishing I could sleep but being buzzed on coffee is a weird sensation!

Knowing Your Community…The Rewards are Immense

It is amazing how little many of us know about our own communities and the people in them, myself included. I will not pretend to be all knowing and Mrs. High and Mighty. I will be the first to admit that I ignorant when it comes to my community. However, I know exactly who to go to to find things out. My family is a great source of information in respects to my community because they have strong ties in my county and state. So many people know my family that it is shameful when I have no idea who someone is. SERIOUSLY.

My great-grandfather is one of the pillars of the community. I have friends who have known him almost as long as I have because of the many properties he owns. They may live in one of them or in his neighborhood and say say yeah I know Mr. B. I’m like he goes by Mr. B.? And my family is like you didn’t know that? I’m like no…

Then the great things he has done in both the community and church over the years, I am telling you I can listen to his stories for hours and have. I love listening to him telling me how he grew up and the people he met over the years running his many shops, restaurants, and businesses. He is a legend in this area. He had famous people come through this area through the ‘chittlin circuit’ (the south, east, and mid-west establishments where blacks could safely play during racial segregation) knew they could go to play their music to sing and play in his establishments back in the day. With him, my great grandmother, my mom and her siblings working in these establishments too these stories are endless. The antics are pretty funny too. When they ask me where I get some of my behaviors I just turn some of their stories right back around on them.

My parents continued in such a legacy. They keep ties in this community. My dad worked at a local news company with national syndication and afforded him opportunities to meet and interview community leaders as well as work with charities in the community.

My mother working with the schools worked with children and helped with many school led organizations that helped with literacy, child development, and advocacy. I still believe that if my mom never went on into administrative work, she would have been an amazing social worker or child advocate! She is passionate about children and their rights.

Though I had no idea about all the people that I had come into contact with over the years in my jobs…they have come full circle as I have grown older. I worked at an establishment when I was younger that was full of community figureheads and I had no idea that those faces I saw held so many positions. I have to remind them that I used to work there and they were like oh yeah. And now because my dad got an award alongside some of them I need to stay in contact so I can hob knob, LOL.

Moreover, I have been afforded some amazing opportunities with my parents that I did not fully appreciate or comprehend when I was younger and I thank God for their patience, pictures, and the memories to commemorate/ immortalize the moments as some things can never happen again. I have pictures with senators, congresswomen, pictures in at at the White House (apparently you cannot get those as a regular person) thankful that dad was with the media, lol. Then my mom getting me my first job. I will be forever grateful. She made sure I got all my certifications, got me to all my required meetings to be a lifeguard, and talked to her friends and my after school directors and her mom who who signed my worker’s permit with my mom.

My mom also made me go to special events in the community that I never would have known about if not for her that were downtown for Raleigh. I would meet people I had no idea about but she would say take a picture, it will mean something someday. She would ask me if I wanted to volunteer in modeling things and such and I did it not sure WHAT I was doing. She was right, I look back on it now and between her and my dad I have had a very eventful life and I’m not even 1/2 through this journey. I look back on pictures and my friends are like where is that from? How did you know that person? How did you meet them? I non-chalantly tell them a story, not because it’s not interesting, but because I had no idea at the time who the person was or what was going on, as my friends are seriously freaking out like, I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU!

I guess at some point I may post some of these pictures on here and on my facebook as a throwback moment. I may even tag some of the people if they are still in these political seats (though I am not really the political type) just so they can have a little laugh at what they use to look like. Some of my pictures go back as far as 1994. So yeah anytime you can go back 2 decades, there are bound to be laughs about something in a picture, hair, clothes, furniture, something!


Not So Natural Beauty

Having Big Lips <–Check this Video

I would like to say that the topic today is something that I have just noticed or that is has just begun to happen in today’s society but unfortunately it has not. Though I would like to say that it is just racism…it goes far deeper than this. It is an issue of culture and someone looking to point a finger. I understand the over-sensitive nature in which we live in today but people need to understand it goes both ways these days.

You have all cultures doing things to fit in with other cultures and some of it dates back to survival while others are indicative of trends and fashion. However, should we be so quick to call it racism?

Point and case you have afro-centric cultures that have naturally curly hair that fight to straighten their hair chemically or through heat. There are those who say this is to be like the white society. In some cases, yes we have been taught that our hair is not exactly ideal. We are taught to hate our hair, to be ashamed of it, to think that when we do not have it in some manageable style that makes others comfortable that we are not appealing. Who would want to have ‘nappy’ hair as they call it. However, when you go to other countries where there afro-centric cultures are more dominant and were less disturbed this is not the case. This natural beauty is celebrated. It started back in the days of slavery though, being cut down to nothing by the words of ‘owners’ and then to continue to this day. Women coloring their hair for the same reasons.

However, now we straighten our hair and color it because we WANT to! Because we desire to. However, that it also due to trending. If we saw more women with natural hair would we follow that trend? As the natural hair movement has began I have seen the propensity in that direction and now I wonder how many women feel pride behind this or feel as if this is just a trend to follow.

But as I stated, it goes both ways. You have euro-centric women who get perms to fit in. They want curly hair to fit in. They want curves and fuller lips. They get tans to become darker. And society says they are trying to be ‘black’. Why does it have to be black, there are other cultures that have these same attributes first off, and secondly some white people have just as many curves, curls, and complexions without alterations before you begin making such comments.

Everyone is going for crash diets to be super thin. We all make different changes often. The difference is everything we do, whether it is natural or not, it is how we carry ourselves and what we then project to others. We must make sure that we are not hypocritical pointing fingers, calling people racist for what we do not understand; making assumptions. Try to understand or simply ask. We all enjoy mimicry (it is after all the deepest form of flattery) but let us try to understand why we are doing it and its consequences as well. Do not always follow things blindly and do not be so condescending to those who do. You never know, you may actually be following something without even knowing it. We are all beautiful in our own right let us not judge how we deem that right to be so!

Migraines. The silencer.


Many people who have never experienced a full blown migraine say one of two things, they surely cannot be that bad… or are they really that bad? People who have dealt with people or lived with those who have had them realize that after having so many of them the pain must be real the symptoms must be real and that after doing the research and seeing others like them in the doctor’s offices and hospitals, it is more serious than they may have ever suspected. In some cases it can mean more serious underlying issues.

In my case, I have a family history of migraines. I did not know this growing up. I had a fairly normal neurological history I felt until middle school. I started experiencing head aches that became more frequent. My mom would give me extra strength tylenol. I would easily recover. Sometimes it was simply that I was hungry or tired from all the things I was doing and that would solve the issue. However, when I got older and got to high school I began having ‘optical migraines’ where my vision would become fuzzy and it only affected my eyes. It sucked. Those became more and more frequent. I had glasses and contacts but taking them off/ out did not help. Nothing really did. I just had to ride it out.

Then they began…MIGRAINES. I cannot say I remember the first one exactly, but I can say that I remember thinking it was a headache but much worse and telling my mom that the light hurt and it hurt when I moved. She said I had a migraine. And I said what it that. After that I never really had to ask ever again…I fluctuated between headaches and migraines for about 6 months. I always knew when I had one. I do not get regular headaches anymore and I do not know why.

When I get a migraine it is always on one side of my head (right or left) and I am light, sound, and motion sensitive. It will not go away without medicinal intervention and they use to stay the same strength without waning until for many days. Now it will undulate but still will not go away until I take medication and still hang around for days. I suspect the reason it undulates is because of both my MG and because I take an aspirin every morning in addition to my migraine preventor each day; which is different that what I use to do a for the last 15 years.

My longest migraine was 60 days. but most of my migraines last 3-5 days and come 1 to 2 times a month. However, since starting my migraine preventor 3 years ago it has been 1 time a month for about 1-3 days. And the migraines are now at about 80% strength instead of 100% strength.

Yes, I want to miss work, and stay in my bed in a dark room and never move again but I can’t. When I was in undergrad I did this. I was absolutely crippled by my migraines. I could only afford to take imitrex (which I am now allergic to) once the migraine hit and nothing else worked at the time. I hated it because I had to take the nasal inhaler and it would drain down my throat and tasted horrible. But it was that or be crippled and possibly end up in the hospital again. That happened once while at school. I ended up having ‘cephalgia’ as the diagnosis but in addition I am pretty sure I also had a panic attack as they had to put me on 2.0 ml of oxygen because I could not breathe since I was in so much pain and could hardly see, was vomiting from the dizziness, and every time someone spoke it was like an anvil struck me in the back of the head. My blood pressure was 160/90 when they took it. Normally my bp is 106/60 so that freaked me out even more.

I was crying and my parents were at home in bed while I was in the hospital at school. I was scared. I just wanted to go to sleep and have the pain go away. It was not a good night. Those of you who have never experienced a migraine I urge you not to take your friends and family member’s condition lightly…this is a neurological condition that can mean so many things. Have them go to the doctor if they have not been to be sure it is not something more serious. However, even if it is not…A MIGRAINE is STILL SERIOUS! People are very fragile in this condition even if they power through like me. They are doing everything in their power to have a normal day while in excruciating pain that physically affects them and causes high blood pressure, fast heart rates, irregular breathing, and so on. That person is giving you all they have that day and it should not be taken lightly.

Mentally and emotionally they are giving everything they have as well as it takes great concentration and effort to do everything that day. they have to work twice as hard to remember things and focus. More energy is exerted on every task. So please be considerate. I’m not asking you to go easy per se but just be mindful of what it takes for them to be there and do all they do when they could have easily called out and left you in the lurch that day. That means they think more of you, their co-workers, and the company to push on despite how they feel. At least that is how I feel! Now I will take me and my migraine into my office and get on my conference call with my director now. Have a great day guys!

Immobile walls, Cankles, Hives, and Rumbles


SO yesterday despite everything I was determined to have a good day and I think that upset the entire universe. I mean I felt like everything was against me and it was pretty comical once I thought about it at each obstacle within my day. I did not even have to wait til the end of the day or assess my feelings after feeling grumpy. It never got to that point. Things just kept happening but I kept rolling with them but I swear it was like something that would only happen in one of my fantasy books.

I have noticed the more stable I get with MG the more clumsy I have become again. I used to be VERY clumsy before I mean if you looked at me and I had a sheepish grin (which was often) it was because you probably just missed me getting up off the floor or catching myself from falling or running into something.

Yesterday the beginning of may day was amazing. I had an unusual amount of energy, which should have told me then, that I may need that energy later for events that may later transpire. Towards the end of my day about 2 hours before leaving my full-time job the gates the other worldy realm must have opened. Suddenly my boss and I could not keep up with the demand of emails, members, and events that were happening in the facility. We were crossing each other with questions about multiple events and trying to keep the event we were talking about straight while handling another event simultaneously. Then just after I was supposed to be gone for the day I squeaked out one last email and ran for the hills so I could get to my other job so I would not be there all night since I had to be able to get home, cook, and go to sleep (and rest fully 6-8 hrs) to get up at 4a today.

SO I peeled out of the parking lot on two wheels only to hit my first wall of traffic (believe me this wall was more bearable then what is to come later). I get close to the other job and have a little time to spare so I use one of my freebie birthday meals that came in the mail to Zaxby’s and get a snack.

I get to the part-time job and call my husband to tell him what I need from him that afternoon since I will be running non-stop and I’m currently at the second job and will be coming home in time to cook and go to bed. Then it happens. My tummy rumbles…more like screams at me that it did not like me eating out. It has apparently forgotten how to do this. I do not eat fried foods often and so yep I was being punished for it. I quickly got off then phone.

Crisis averted!

Then I finish at the part-time job. I was shocked everyone left fairly on time there so I was left uninterrupted to do my job and get out. Then as I was about to leave Montezuma’s revenge hit again. I called my husband and told him he would have to go to the store and be VERY selective about the items I needed for the meal and to hurry home no lolly gagging about. He tends to walk uber slow when he is not in a rush for himself…I mean like molasses. So I had to remind him it was already after 8pm and I had to be up at 4.

I get home as he is leaving to go to the store. When he gets back I prepare everything and put it in the crockpot and turn it on low so it will be ready in the morning when I get up. I undress and sit down and realize I have CANKLES. I was like what the heck happened here. I have not done anything more than usual. Then I had to think I had that one snacker size fried thingy and a small bag of potato chips but really CANKLES. I have never seen my ankles so swollen. I could not even see my ankles. I tell my husband to come look and he says sit and relax…I’m thinking yea of course…AFTER I have already cooked and done everything (figures…men).

Then my hives were PINGING! They were lighting me up. I was trying to relax so of course they would begin itching more. I mean I noticed I had a few more but seriously. So I asked my husband for the aloe vera with lidocaine and he actually applied it for me (how sweet). I needed that moment! Then I figured I would get the last few he could see at the moment which I did. Then I went to put the bottle in the bathroom and use it one more time before bed.

THEN BAM! I hit my second immobile wall! I kicked the side of the doorway as I was walking out and took off the entire small toe nail along with some much wanted skin. Both my body and myself were stunned. I mean at first I wasn’t sure if I was hurt, then the pain hit and I had to sit down and then it bled profusely. Though I express this with great detail it’s because in my mind it happened in slow motion, but it probably took less than 20-30 seconds. My husband hurt all the commotion and came in thinking I fell. It was seriously that loud. I could not even cry it hurt so bad. I could barely breathe and when he was like what you want me to do I said just let me breathe real quick, trying not to snap at him.

I know he is not the first aid take action type like me. I was trained and it is in my nature. I get this from my mom. But he will sit there and ask what needs to be done instead of knowing or trying anything. So once I took several deep breaths I asked him to come back in the room because he completely left, LOL. I asked for gauze and had to direct him to the right type in my first aid box because I have many types, and then I needed ointment (which I never used when I realized it was more of an avulsion/ hole), and I asked for athletic tape (which he brought a wrap bandage but it wouldn’t really work for this area or wound. I almost never use that stuff! Though I had been wondering where it was (as he brought it from his bathroom out of a secret place he stashed it). Little thief, LOL.

I finally asked one more favor of my husband, and that was to bring me some pillows to prop my feet and that foot now, LOL. I needed to reduce the swelling in my CANKLES and to slow the pain and bleeding in my foot. I seriously had to hold my toe and then a pressure point for like 10 minutes to stop the bleeding. Needless to say, today has not been a picnic walking and all I keep thinking is how bad I want to take a hammer to that wall, LOL.

Birthday Reflections


So as it nears my birthday I am always asked what am I planning. This year my best friends asked me and I honestly said nothing and that I had not even really thought about it. I think part of it is because I have been so busy with life that I have not had much time to slow down and think about it. But I also realized which I told her is that I am pretty content. I felt pretty peaceful despite what the hives all over my body said. The hives I believe were a reaction to both stress and a medication I had a reaction to in November that I just stopped taking and now I have to take 2 new medications for the next few weeks to hopefully get rid of them. UGH! LOL. However, even that has not dampened my spirits.

I feel as though I am too blessed to continue, year after year, planning things solely for a birthday. Do not get me wrong, I am grateful for another year that I am given, but I have the WHOLE YEAR to plan something amazing and I am already doing that with my plans to go to Europe in the fall. So for me I am just working and enjoying things as they come.

I also find that at this point in my life I do not really ask for gifts anymore, more like just mention things I may need or that I like and if I get them so be it…but I planned or getting myself anyway so I am never disappointed if I do not get it for a birthday, holiday, or otherwise. For me, I have come to terms that I excited with just being HERE. With MG, or life in general, that is not promised! SO I have to say to be able to say I have made it 2+ years with this disorder and that is usually the most dangerous time for a person with Myasthenia Gravis, I am just glad to be here and able to look normal to an outsider regardless of what is really going on with me on the inside. I am always grateful not to look like what I have been through!

However, there is one thing that I have been doing in the last 2 years that I enjoy to celebrate my birthday and that is spending it more with people who love me and I love. I have learned not to sit in the house like a hermit! So I use all those lovely websites where you can eat for free on your birthday (and these are just some of the places), and I subscribe with my email to other restaurants and places, and get my free meals, discounts, and coupons in the mail and ENJOY THE HECK OUT OF FEBRUARY! I will eat my way through some awesome menus that I normally would say is not in our budget or that I do not have time for as I am so busy. I have to make time for fun at some point and there are few times that I make time for me.

I plan to reschedule my movie date with my mom that we missed last weekend due to my being under MG-wise and I plan to eat out with whoever decides to tag along! I can’t wait to see what everyone chooses! I am game!

When Life Gives You Lemons You Make Lemon Trees


So I am a big proponent of optimism. No I am not the overly bubbly person that is in your face pointing out every single small happy rainbow in every puddle of water, but when you are having an exceptionally no good very bad day, I like to be your ray of sunshine and make you smile at some point (at least after you have had your chance to vent). I understand how important it is to stay positive which is why I am the way I am.

When you give in to despair, your whole body follows. You start to feel like what you allow yourself to think. If you feel hopeless your body begins to sag with hopelessness and refuses to pull itself together to help keep you rejuvenated. It does not fight as hard to ward of bacteria, viruses, or the random nuisance walking down the street who has been asking you out for weeks…you just cave in despite every red flag that used to go off in your head (because now those defenses are broken).

I say it is okay to be down, sad, grieve, or even have a pity party. But do not dwell in it. DO not stay there. You must get back up and push forward. If you having a bad time find the good in that moment or in another moment and reflect on it. Hold that strength and let it give you the power to move toward better moments and encourage someone else.

When I feel grumpy I have to think about why I feel that way and immediately try to snap out of it and then try to find someone else to encourage because it makes me feel good to give someone else hope and love. I was rather crabby this morning for no particular reason than my normal routine just being disturbed (as I think about it in hindsight) and when I thought about it and realized I was actually in a rotten mood, I said I must change this. I instantly started greeting people, smiling, and putting my mind to tasks that made me focus on getting my day accomplished in a efficient manner (because yes, this quenches this nerd’s appetite for calmness)!

I always thought to myself that that saying about making lemonade from lemons does not work from me…yeah I could do that…But from lemons I could make a lemon tree and give myself so much more; shade, wood/ shelter, paper, more lemons and of course I could make lemonade if I dared along with countless other things! So no I do not just accept just making lemonade I want your happiness to be bigger than lemonade I want you to make a lemon tree!