1 Year ago today- Blogging Star

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So maybe I’m not a blogging star but I have become a hero and star in my own right! I feel like I have accomplished more than I ever thought was possible by blogging. I feel like I have already written and finished a book from blogging alone. I mean I have already reached a international audience of people with my personal story and given you all an intimate look inside my zaney conscience and sub-conscience. I am truly surprised that some of you are still around after some of it, really I feel like sometimes someone better go fly fishing and hook me before I drift away. I mean I’m trying to coin the term #teamweird because I embrace the weirdness people. It’s who I am and I am okay with. Weird people make the world go round!

When I tell you I am I could not have made this journey without all you wonderful readers I mean it! You guys have read my good, bad, and FUNNY moments and responded with the most love and constructive criticism that a gal could EVER ask for! I have learned so much in my one year of blogging and yet I feel there is so much more to learn!

It is not only my outlet for emotion/ expression, but for my true art(s), networking, and learning and viewing other art. I especially love the aspect of just viewing other people’s art and ‘traveling’ at my fingertips and learning about the world through others’ blogs. It makes me want to just reach through the screen and tip myself into the postcard-like photos and relax in the tropics, mountains, rustic countryside, rollings hills, forests, and everything in between. I love the cityscapes and the busy shops and cobble stones and architecture. Then there are the historic aspects that you guys talk about so passionately. The libraries, museums, parks, homes, and restaurants, the culture.

I get to pick the brains of intelligent people across the world and learn more about my own field of study. I even get to learn about my disorder from people who have to people who are trying to cure it.

This last year I have had BLOG LUST and I love it! To everyone someone else’s life seems amazing no matter how boring to you it may seem. Once it is all on paper it may still yet seem boring but once you start writing about all the things you do daily and see, someone will ask the right questions that will open your world up and show you that your life is not as boring as it seems and you too will know that you need only look and life awaits!

 

Excitement…Where is it?

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I have lost my excitement and I do not know where it has gone. I usually can look at my bucket list and be renewed, art supplies, or new books…but that has not helped lately. I need a swift kick in the pants. I need a change of environment as well as a some serious R&R. I need a therapeutic escape with no thought to bills, work, housework/ chores, or the doctor’s appointment.

I just need to be in peace. It does not take much for me. It could be a simple beach trip, meditation trip, or spa trip. I do not require much. I just know that a few days away with a friend or 2 would do me some good! I need this in my life right now. Heck I may not even go with a friend. I may just go by myself and skype and call friends while on the trip and just be by myself. Sometimes you just need to go and coordinating time with others can be too hard and stressful within itself. I do not need to try and go out everywhere and plan dinners, lunches, and adventures, just go with the flow, and rest. I owe this to myself and sometimes going with friends can make this difficult because the need different things and I do not want to slow them down or stop them when they may need the ADVENTURE right now. I just want to relax. Maybe go to a pottery class or do something very low key and fun.

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If they are on the same agenda, then float on with me, if not, there will definitely be other times and other trips. This is not a husband and wife trip, lol. This is a self-discovery and relaxation trip. An all by myself or girls only trip. I need to find my sense of wonder and excitement and men make you WANDER and worry sometimes because they tend to become a bit disorienting with their, where is my?…did you see my? are we going to? Is this the? What are we going to do? What’s next? When? I’m Hungry! LOL Nope, I plan on catering to myself only on this trip! I’ll be leaving him at home to fend for himself. Hopefully it won’t become the total dark ages in the time I’m gone.

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What IF…

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What if everything you took for granted suddenly disappeared or stopped working? I mean everything! Some of us would be in real trouble. First on the list goes your lovely home state and city. We always forget about this and all it has to offer. I know I do and I am so guilty of this as I always want to get out to see the WORLD but when people come to visit I can barely tell them of all the new or lovely things in the area because I just have not explored my city as often as I should. But more importantly this would mean those fancy cars and how they operate, those lovely homes, the kitchens, the many bathrooms (for which you bought them), all the land, all the clothes, shoes, and hair, down to how your body functions.

YES, the functions, your walking, talking, holding things, eating, breathing, and heart beating. For those of us who have chronic disorders, are not as wealthy (or well off), or have family members in these positions, we constantly think about what it would be like to lose something so precious and valuable.

There are less things taken for granted daily than the average person takes for granted because we are more aware and living in the moment and constantly reminded of it. We do not try to be constant reminders to others but in a way it’s not a negative thing to make you rethink how you are spending your time and money. It makes you more conscience; smarter and efficient with the resources you have. Sometimes it makes you live more in the present and less in the past and the DISTANT future saying I will only SAVE and keep my head down and NEVER have fun. So explore and travel there are many options and with apps like living social and groupon you do not have to pay very much or travel very far to have fun.

Having a life like mine makes people act in many ways. However, I say it is yours to live as you please. The one thing I will say is to not let it pass you by. Do not forget that you only get one of them and that it will not stop moving forward. Think about if you will regret not acting on something and if you will find yourself having other opportunities for it (though we are not always promised that, would you realistically have another chance).

O CANADA

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So I still dream of Canada. I know it it ‘just’ our neighbor to the north says a lot of people who live up north in the U.S. It’s nothing new to them. However, people who live in the south do not regularly travel there. We are not use to the cold no matter how cold it has been in as of late in the last few winters here. So I have always dreamed of it like a magical kingdom. A place that is so day to our night. With bulking giant goliath wildlife and animals and historic moments frozen in time.

But I have always dreamed of places like Alaska, Russia, Siberia, Sweden, Norway, Iceland, and Canada. My earliest memories of Niagara Falls and Alaska because my mom has a small little velvet scroll of Niagara Falls that hung in my room from when they visited when my brother and sister were young. I would stare at it and wonder if it looked anything like that. I was fascinated with the aspect of all that water, of course. I’m obsessed with water.

However, unless you fly to Canada from NC it’s a long trip to drive. My mom always talks about taking the train to places because its serene and carefree and one can relax without having to deal with traffic and such. However, I am the type of person that once I am in a city I love to be able to navigate it and go when I please, but renting cars are so durn expensive and I do not know anyone in Canada so there will be no staying with anyone or borrowing a car, LOL. The only option is like what we did in Hilton Head if we can find places that are all close by are renting bicycles and doing that but if it’s heavy snow that’s a no go, lol. I will have to do more research because I really want to go but I have to a plan when I travel. I cannot be as spontaneous as I once was due to my MG. I have to make the actually travel portion less stressful on myself so that the adventure part (which may be more stressful but euphoric) can be endured. I will get there even if I only get to step a toe in it, LOL. I may have to do some roundabout way of getting there like a crazy layover on my way overseas, LOL. We will see!

 

Change Happens Regardless

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Yes I do enjoy some things to be routine but I prefer to shake things up often because being stagnant causes me to get comfortable, bored, and complacent. Now don’t get me wrong some things require routines and organization and I do love this as well. I love having a planner and I love organization. But I also love to shake things up and make changes and adapt. I like to be flexible.

When one is too comfortable and complacent we tend to ignore and miss truly amazing things in life. We go the same route to work and miss the new restaurants, stores, and other miscellaneous places that have opened because we just do not go this way. When we eat the same foods we get bored with out selections but have no idea what we want because we have yet to discover it. We have yet to try new things.

It is only when we branch out and try to explore and try new things that we can truly appreciate the changes and wonder all around us. I enjoy it. It is always my goal to try new things. I use to feel like I had to go go go! But now I have learned to relax and enjoy the things around me and take a break. During my breaks I slow down. I may read or sleep. Once I have refueled, I find new and exciting things all around me. I have found so many new things around me lately that it is ridiculous.

My husband laughs at me. I do not have to just go on groupon, living social, or coupon books (go.play.save) to find these things though they definitely help when I seem stumped sometimes. I have learned to make my own fun. I have learned to create trips, enjoy myself, and even throw darts if you will at random locations, activities, and experiences online to try.

Sometimes my husband looks at me like you go right ahead…I will catch you when you get back.

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Other times he’s like you go first and uh I guess I will try it…I’m like come on man up you got this, as I secretly laugh maybe even a bit evilly.

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Sometimes I may even be a bit nervous but I will never tell him which is which, LOL.

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Then there are the times I have to make him let me try it first because He is trying to run me down to try it first. I’m like hey what happened to ladies first and he’s like that’s antiquated woman, LMBO.

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I think soon I will have to make a huge literal dart board or wheel and start picking my activities at random. I like the whole game of chance and mystery behind it all.

Varied Sameness…Excitement Erupts!

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I love mind games even more so when people try to play them on me. It keep my skills sharp. I tend to enjoy it when people attempt them on me in effort to believe that perhaps I too gullible/ naive know that they are trying to fool me. Sometimes I give them so much hope before snatching it all away. There are even times I let them believe they have won only to later in life realize that I always knew they were trying to get over on me but it only makes them realize how ashamed thy should be or how naive they really were.

It’s like when you were little and your parents let you believe that you were smarter than them and you thought you were really getting away with things. However, in actuality they knew exactly what you were doing, they were merely picking their battles or letting your think you were a genius to stroke your ego when you needed that extra bit of confidence. Parents are smart like that, LOL.

Recently, I enjoyed a bit of ‘varied sameness’ as I deal with many routine processes though they change slightly. I don’t mean the random driving adventures of people stopped in the straight lane to run left (thinking they were at the red light lane to go left at 5am), or the the person who goes from the left lane to turn so wide that they just ended up in my right lane and then goes 2 lanes to the left to get back on the highway again at 5am. Nope. I mean the person who stares at me blankly like I cannot see them, as if they have on the darkest shades, but only have on glasses, LOL. So I smile and even give a wave. My parents taught me to never be rude.

When people stare like this, my husband would totally lose it. He cannot stand such things. I have learned to ignore it or relish in the thought that people are curious, nosy, ignorant, or plain rude, LOL. So I just give them a nod to speak if you are going to stare so long. I figure let’s match wits. Let me practice my storytelling abilities on you. Is it possible that I can intrigue a total stranger and make them believe something about me that makes me memorable. Not necessarily untrue just memorable. Moreover, can I play a mind game with them. Make their lives more interesting because I was in it, LOL. I mean that should be a given but can I do something that will make them go home and talk.

So my goal this particular day was to interact with a total stranger and see if I could work in certain words and make people tell me what fascinated them most about where they most wanted to go in the world. It was a fun game to play that day. You would think most strangers would never tell you something like this but you need only find the right environment like a long wait/ line and find a place that has a television commercial that can run as an a ice breaker. I did just that while waiting on my car, LOL. It was pretty fun. Though some people may not have rushed home and planned their next vacation, they probably had a better than normal waiting experience (passing the time faster than normal) and everyone was participating almost interrupting the other to interject their ideas out of excitement.

I know I should not always find life as an experiment as people are well humans and not play things, but I saw this as a social experiment of sorts and a way to pass the time for me as well. Moreover, I also find that people truly enjoy things like this as do I. I do not go and write these findings in a journal or formally conduct these experiments, they are purely for my observation to try engage people in more friendly interactions in the world. I do not conduct ill-intended interactions and if one seems to go this way I terminate it immediately. However, this was pure delight and I am sure many went home and enjoyed a leisure conversation that was sparked about a place that they may not have talked about in a while with friends and/ or family to distant places that they have dreamed of going to and the significance it holds and 1 good deed they could do while there, 1 life changing adventure while there, and 1 person they wish they could meet there!

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I’m Ready! I’m Ready! I’m Ready!

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I am telling I can hardly believe it, I am so in countdown mode. Though this is bigger than sitting at home but smaller than my trip to London I am telling you the excitement is the same right now. I have not had a real vacation in so long it matters not. I need this vacation like fish need water. This vacation could have been a stay-cation and I would have been just as relived but I am glad to be getting away for a bit too, because I really wanted to visit a few people. I can explore anywhere, seeing family is special!

I am 5 days away! I could not be happier! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and see the anxiety like a nesting doll that I can remove layer by layer until I get to the very concentrated center that holds most delicate and detailed center! It’s like I can be ok to expose that raw emotion at that point because I have deserved it and the hard shell can finally come off and the center of me can finally enjoy ‘herself’ with no regrets or issues.

My symptoms are there are variable right now but they are manageable and I are steadily getting closer to my 12 week goal so all in all I pretty happy.

KaraoCANT..Fun Dips, Hurricanes, & Caribbean Magic

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I’m telling you there is nothing like the powerful magic of a good ole Friday the 13th. Everything I had planned did not happen and force I am glad! I had hoped to sit on my couch and watch horror movies on the chiller and science fiction channels. I was prepared to just veg and watch enjoy that. However, a friend texted me early in the day and asked if I had dinner plans. At first I was like bummer I have the closing shift and do not get off until 8pm. BUT if they could wait until 8pm then I was game.

OMG, my friend texted back that was fine. I GOT a much needed night out! I was so giddy I almost forgot I still had to work 4.5 more hours. I was on cloud nine. I had not had a one on one with anyone in so long besides my husband that I had forgotten what it was like to enjoy anyone else’s company. We got there and despite everything that was said I could not see fault in how she looked. She looked amazing. I could not possibly let her think she was unworthy of any man! I missed her so much!

I ordered my fun dip martini which tasted like the old school fun dip candy and enjoyed it to no end. She had her hurricane. Then I got my Caribbean jerk wings and she got her entree and we began pouring our souls out to one another. We had a lot of catching up to do. It felt amazing. I needed that stress reliever, I did not realize until last night how much anxiety I had let build up inside of me. We both needed that pick me up. We also made plans to hang out again tonight. We need a good game night. This will be with more outside friends but we needed that time to ourselves.

But apparently no night was complete without a nice silly moment. I always have them no matter what! In the midst of my constant silly moments last night, calling the waiter by random names because I seriously NEVER caught his name and he looked like a Javier (one of my random attractive) names for men I seemed to get sillier as the night went on. You would say, the power of alcohol. I actually need no alcohol, my friends will tell you. I started commenting on a baby in the restaurant and his strange and magical laugh/cry that had me in stitches. Then a DJ was setting up karaoke. It was a horrible fail and we only stayed for 1 song that was sang and 2 songs she DJ’ed. In the restaurant before she came in there was already music playing and it was decent and we found ourselves at times during the night singing or swaying/dancing to it while talking. However, once she came her music was so loud in this place we could not even hear ourselves think. I mean the place is a nice restaurant but it is not that big and she seemed to refuse to turn it down because she really wanted people to pay attention to her and what she was doing refusing them the opportunity to talk, LOL. We listened to one song, she DJ’ed while waiting for our check, then got our check while the DJ sang a song because no one was ready to sing yet going through her song book deciding what to sing. Since when does a DJ…THE DJ do karaoke? Then finally Javier (who we finally saw on the check was named Erik) came and returned our bills 10 minutes later so we could get out of there!

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I really had a headache before we met that night which I took meds for and thought I would be fine! That was until Karaoke started, LOL. Then we left and I could finally think again! I could not have been happier to leave. Regardless of the horrible karaoke fail it was a great night!

Anniversary Time!

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Wow 2 years in a blink of an eye! So much happens in 2 years but one thing remains CHANGE and ADVENTURE! Bet you thought I was going to say love, well that should be a given so with that said I must keep shaking things up! I still dream of that delicious cake often and coming from someone who loves pie that speaks volumes!

ER Observations…Hyperactive Senses! Universal Togetherness!

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Last night was a long night that start as soon as my husband walked in the door. He came home complaining about his eye. I usually ignore his aches and pains because well men get beat up a lot, LOL. Even more so, my husband has a hard labor intensive job in landscaping and architecture and therefore he is constantly bending, grabbing, hauling, scooping, and so on all day. SO when he says he hurts…I figure it just comes with the job. But when he complains for more than an hour and he starts adding levels to his voice about it I figure it’s time to look at this condition.

Having been a certified professional rescuer for 16 years I have given first aid for so many different ailments I can hardly remember so I ask him to come in and let em see this eye and tell me exactly what happened. He says he went under a truck to that they use for work to look at something and debris fell into his eye. This happened at 11 in the morning. He said he got some of the debris out but it was still bothering him all day. He got home at almost 6:30 and was showing me his eye at 7;30.

At this point he was light sensitive, he said he could no longer flush his eyes anymore with water, and could not keep the eye open more than a a second without a lot of pain. So I said let’s go to the ER. He said I thought you wanted to look at it. I said you already did what I was going to have you do which was flush it. (which he usually NEVER does) and all the urgent cares closed at 8 taking their last person at 7:30 so we have to go to the ER.

He was reluctant but I was like you have no choice unless you want to be in more pain by morning. I said if there is something still in there it can be doing more damage and by morning your eye could be swollen shut and you could be blind. Yea I know extreme words…but it did the trick, 10 minutes later he was acting as if it was his idea to get up and go to the ER.

We go there and mr. cuddles was grumpy, LOL. I did not care. He was going to be seen and get this taken care of. He needs to be able to see and stop complaining. What is it with men and doctors anyways? geesh! So I drive him because he honestly could not open that eye. We get there and he is clipped with me and gets mad because as soon as we get there I forget he cannot see well and hop out the car and start walking at my normal speed. I left him and it was dark and he almost fell over some plants and I should have guided him. I thought back to the many times I needed similar help when having MG and said I’m sorry I forgot take my arm and he got even madder and declined it. (He did the same thing to me and I got mad too we all have to learn and remember and I told him so) I said well you cannot have it both ways. I also knew it was the pain and wear of his day bothering him so I tried to be nice but again men can be such babies when sick, lol.

When we check in, I get all his information and ask for a mask since I have an autoimmune disorder. At first the lady was like I don’t know where they are…I saw the ones they offered to everyone that exhibited symptoms that everyone touched…I did no want one of those. I wanted one of the ones they offered people like me who were not sick. She finally found them and gave me one. It was literally right in front of her face and she was really nice about it. I think she was a volunteer and she was only 16.

This had to be one of the best ER visits I ever had though. Maybe because for once it was not for me, LOL. But my senses were on overload! I was taking it all in. I also brought a book to read but I only read a few chapters because I was so into the lives of those around me. There were people laughing, crying, sleeping, and everything in between in there. The strange thing was the ER seemed to bring people together. No one was there alone and everyone seemed to put whatever petty issues they had aside to be there for each other.

My husband and I were there for hours and we saw many people come and go. He luckily only has a scratch on his cornea and it will only take a few days to heal. He now has his first ER trip in NC and a cool eye patch to wear. He can call himself an honorary pirate for a few days. We also hope he will start wearing one of the many pairs of protective glasses he has for work in the future after this, though I doubt he will, lol. But I can say I got to observe something that gave me a different perspective about human life last night. I can really say first hand I saw how tragedy and pain can bring people closer!