Usually I offer my help to most anyone in need. However, there are those who I may not know are in need and therefore I always state that if you are in need, by all means speak up…I am not a mind reader. I enjoy helping others and if I can do something for you within reason I will try my best. I like to do busy work when I am at work because when I am bored I looked bored, and looking bored at my place of employment or most places can spell bad things in the long run. You can look lazy, useless, unmotivated, or even unambitious. I am in no way any of these things; however, from the outside looking in, anyone can look like this when you have lulls in your work and a person happens to catch you like this a few times.
So I prefer to stay busy. It also helps the time pass by so much more quickly. And helping people as I always say gives me a sense of accomplishment like no other. It makes me feel so fulfilled and happy I just cannot seem to get enough. I prefer to offer my help and genuinely desire to give it than to be demanded to do it. This way I know that I am doing it of my own free will with no strings attached. I know I will not asked for it, I was not offered a reward, and I was not promised any recognition. I do not even need a thanks for it, because knowing that I helped them and they were able to benefit is enough, though most are grateful enough to offer thanks which is greatly appreciated. That is enough for me.
Such things like this makes me want to pray for them even more and intercede on their behalf. I pray and ask for mercy and blessings for that person and/ or their family. I want nothing but good for them. I do not do it to get into heaven, or to get more favor with God, or to get that next job or promotion. I do because it is right and feels good to do so. You should want to do good for those reasons not for leverage.
Here is the thing…my dad always says to me don’t whine to Chris because it’s falling on deaf ears. Many times you are right. I had to harden myself to it. I was a bleeding heart. I still am. It’s not that I do not hear you it’s that I want to help everyone I run into. I still do. I hear someone ‘whine’, vent, talk about their problem, and I immediately start running scenarios of how they can be solved either. I was taken advantage of too many times with this. It put me in hard spots because of it not being able to meet my own needs. I was even reprimanded a few times because when friends vented at restaurants about their food I called the waiter over and said something and (nicely) but they were like OMG why did you say something? I was like you didn’t like it why are going to pay for it if you are not going to eat it. Not everyone is going to spit in your food if you are tactful geesh. But they felt otherwise. So I was like well don’t complain if you do not plan to do something about it. I do not want to hear it, because I feel compelled to act. It’s now my rule, do not complain if you do not plan to do something about it.
However, the difference between now and then was that I use to feel like I had to be the one involved to always try and solve those problems, whether that person was directly responsible (or should I say so irresponsible enough) to have caused the situation they were in or not.
But now I have learned that I can run the same ton of scenarios that do not directly involve me being the only white knight. I can say how can they help themselves. They may not always want to hear those options but you have to start helping others learn to help themselves sometimes. Some people fall into learned helplessness and this is difficult to break and this becomes a lifelong struggle and problem for them.
I do not want to become their crutch and only ‘lifeline’ in that manner. I want to be there lifeline to hope not misery. So teaching the person to cook instead of just doing it for them is better. It does not matter if it is not what you would eat or fancy or it is only 3 different meals. They have learned to do something. They can survive and branch out from there.
I enjoy helping people but I cannot deal with people who do empty whining…So I have had to learn not to call it that. I have had to learn that it is in fact VENTING. That they just want to vent and that they are trying to say what they feel but it comes across as such because they keep repeating it because they are so frustrated. However, since I am not going to throw myself out there to fix every scenario then I have to deal with it sometimes. So it’s hard. I want to help but I know that I should let them work it out UGH! And yet I also want them to stop WHINING, LMBO.
Have you ever just felt the need to help other because you need the warm fuzzy feeling it gives you? I love that feeling! I love helping others because I enjoy knowing that I have done something that will give them hope and positive interactions and maybe prevent them from making ad choices in life. I hope they will pay if forward and help someone else and in some way and let them know that this world is not full of hate and evil.
Everyone is not out to get recognition or the tangible. I am altruistic. I do not need anyone else to know what I did as long as I know what I did. To know that I helped someone else and that they will live a better life because they have hope, peace of mind, and love in it from something that I did makes me happy.
If you are truly altruistic you do good deeds often without even thinking about it and people may or may not thank you often. Moreover, you are not even looking for a thank you. You just do it because it is right. You enjoy doing what it right. It does feel amazing though to be blind-sided by a story of someone telling you of a time you were good unknowingly to them and how it made their whole day on their worse day ever and changed their life. Moments like those just brighten your whole day. It truly does make it worth while and those may be the exceptions and not the rule to why you should be altruistic it should never diminish making an effort. Don’t be the Egoist!