So these were the updates I was waiting on! Though we have a long road ahead of us. I was just glad to hear some good news. I gives me new goals and another reason to come off this recent SALT rush. I have been hitting salted snacks pretty hard lately which is not like me.

So I gave up all nightshade foods about 2 years ago and around 3rd quarter of last year I noticed that after accidentally have a few of these foods it did not affect me and that I may be able to add a few back so I did somewhat slowly then altogether. I have been eating them pretty freely since then and now. I I have noticed that I do not feel like I did before. I do not feel as if my MG is flared by any means but health wise I feel icky. so I think I will at least back off some. I think as usual everything is okay in moderation but I went overboard and somewhat incidentally because I had not had my favorites snacks and food out of necessity cold turkey in over 2 years.

The new is that we have to see several specials to begin the process to have a baby but we can start the prenatal vitamins which we have to have in my system for at least 3 months before trying to conceive. The doctor said the specialist could say everything is fine and you can come off everything in 2 weeks time but if we have not started the vitamins now then we are are prolonged. So though I doubt the specialist will say this we can at least begin the vitamins. I hope I find some tasty gummy ones because I am not a fan of ‘horse’ size pills I have enough big pills I take everyday. We will see though.

Of the specialists to see I am seeing a man who has help write a book on MG Dr. James Howard whom they call shifu, lol. He will see about changing me from cell cept to something that does not suppress the immune system and cause birth defects or possibly taking me off altogether for pregnancy. I have met him before.

I also am going to see a neuro OBGYN (though I have a OBGYN). He will make sure that both my Mg is adhered to but also what I can be on for my migraines during my pregnancy and pain management for that. I am currently on a high dosage migraine preventer daily and this must be discussed.

Lastly, I am to see an ophthalmologist. I have some unbalanced pressure in my eyes and though they think it may be something minimal they want to be sure. I have never had diabetes any other condition with MG I am really healthy so they just need to make sure my eyes are not showing more strain due to my MG.

So if I even got a green light to immediately from all these doctors, which would be a big if, the earliest would could start would be April. However, I as keen as I am do this as soon as possible while body is still young and strong for an MGer I still have things to sort out personally. I will keep you guys updated! I know there are many young MGers out there who wish to have children who are following this and want to know how this works. I also want to remind them that each person is different just as with regular people and pregnancies but I will chronicle things as much as possible.


MG warrior

So each time I go to the hospital now I feel like a celebrity. The nurses there are so sweet and I love them so much and they I feel like after 2 years there with them we have been through everything. I mean they have been through all my most personal moments that’s for sure.

But lately, when I have gone it has not necessarily been for any service of my own. I have gone to visit my Uncle or for quick lab work or something of that nature. And while I am there if it’s at the end of my work day I swing by the unit that does my plasmapharesis (plasma exchange treatments). Nearly each time I have gone they are excited to see me and ask where I have been because I have been one of their special cases and because it has been so long since I have been in that they almost worried that something had happened to me, lol. I told them that I working to only have to come in only 3-4 times a years as opposed to my usual 6-8 week intervals and they were shocked. Having just made 12 weeks they were even more shocked and excited.

Then they keep asking me to speak to every MG person that is currently in the room when I drop by. Each one asks me a million questions which I am happy to answer as long as they do not mind. I answer until I noticed they are too tired to answer. I may start giving out my card with my email so that they can continue to contact me afterwards with questions. So far each of them have said they have not had much luck with local MG groups in the area and have struggled getting help with answers to normal questions to struggles we have. Like tools we can use, services that are offered and normal side effects and issues we may encounter drug interactions. I told them I had to find a lot out on my own, that I had many of the same issues, and that I had not been diagnosed much longer than them, only 12-18 months longer (I’m just over 2 years) but that I was vigorous in my questioning, poured over research, and then found dailystrength.com and blogging as 2 great resources. Without them I was quite in the dark.

The information you learn online in your normal search is neatly packaged in a sterilized neatly defined bow and you have to learn to dig deeper. You have to learn to ask the right questions. And sometimes this is hard when you have just been diagnosed and are not sure what those questions should be. When I was first diagnosed my only question was could I still have a baby. I got mixed answers and it was not definitive, and then as I did more research and MG became more recognized in the last 2 years I found some doctors that had definitive answers but this was also linked to knowing what medications I was on, which at the time of I first asked my question, I was unsure which medication I was to be put on (cell cept, imuran, etc).

I feel proud to be able to give information about MG. Letting people know that you can go longer than you have before. I was once in their shoes unable to go more than a few days, then weeks without treatment. Now I can go months. You will learn how to push yourself to greater limits without harm.You will learn how to rest, and you will learn how to feel your symptoms and say I need rest but I can tough it out just a bit longer. My insurance is knowing I have a suction machine at home, and knowing if I need to I can crush my mestinon up and place it on my tongue on the roughest day and still get through on dehydrated days and refuel but I have not had to do this is over 6 months. I am learning where my breaking point is.

I still have anxiety once I begin to have a bit of difficulty swallowing and think that I may begin to choke but I think instantly I must calm myself and find my water and just breathe because obviously I am still doing that, lol. Or if I am struggling even more so, I must cough until my throat is cleared. Then I feel better and just relax. I do my best not focus on these tough spots but on the fact that they are fewer and farther between than the last time and that makes me feel amazing. My last one was 12/14/15 where I was choking in my sleep and only got an hour of sleep. However, I believe it was because I had hardly had much to eat or drink all day and then had something fairly acidic right before bed (causing passive reflux) and we already have mucus issues with MG. So I struggled all night. I kept waking up gasping for air as my airway kept getting blocked with mucus. It is so frightening. It hasn’t happened to me since well before August and I should have known better. Let’s just say I learned a hard lesson and along with that anxiety came a new found determination to be smarter.

I pray that from this post today, MGers all over learn that small steps can take you a long way and that you will not always be where you are now. Things can get better. They have even made advancements now that have been approved where there are new drugs that do not suppress the immune system to take in place of cell cept and imuran. I may be switched to these soon. I will let you know how that goes if this is the case. However, stay strong, know that if you have set back it is only temporary. Learn from it, use it, embrace it. We have MG but it does not have to run us.

12 Weeks are upon US


So here it is…12 weeks! I have been blogging about it for months. Some of you noobs are like what are you talking about? I had to go 12 weeks without plasma exchange treatment to even be considered as ready to TRY to have a baby as I have a condition known as Myasthenia Gravis. For the last 2 years I have been on a roller coaster of emotions, doctor’s appointments, and thoughts!

I have been through it all. The if this guy would have had his act together I would have been where I want sooner (but then would I be happy). Who wants the drama of divorce or children with another man and trying date. I’m not saying this is a bad thing, I’m just saying it is not easy. I would probably be one of those women who put their whole life on pause for my child and forget about my happiness and makes excuses about it because that is how I am. I am overly driven but would give it all up for my child(ren).

So now that the 12 week mark is here. I have a million and one doctors appointments, lol. I went from having 1-3 doctor appointments per week in the past to none in several months which has been very freeing. But now I have 4 this week and then treatment (plasmapheresis aka plasma exchange). They are running a full battery of blood tests and deciding how and what meds to tapper first. Then They want to see if I should continue to cell cept to switch to another immunosuppresant. I figure if they do lets switch to a newer one that does not have the side effect of suppressing the immune system. I am glad for this new advancement. Getting sick is NOT the business as my friends say, lol. (It’s not fun). I am just glad to be stronger.

In other news the other doctor appointment I have is a follow-up because the fluid pill they put me on to reduce the edema they believed I had that caused an 8-11 pound weight gain in 10 days is still here. I think I have gained 2-3 more pounds but I am not sure. However, it is safe to say that medication has not worked. So we will have to figure out another solution. I would prefer not to increase to amount of the fluid pill because when I first take the pill in the morning I go to the bathroom LITERALLY every 10 minutes for about 2 hours then after that every 30-40 minutes for about 2 hours then I go at my normal rate. But either way I do not really notice much difference in my hands, legs, feet during this time. My hands reduce just a bit but not much and before long they are back to normal. I think it’s inflammation but I am not a doctor.

I also asked for a treatment because I though I made it to 12 weeks and could passively go a bit longer, if I do not have to and we are not able to start for the baby right away I will not force my body to go through that right now until I come off the cell cept. I cannot try for the baby until I am off this so until then I will get treatments until they say otherwise. I will still try to train my body to go longer than 8 weeks though so it does not rely 6-8 week treatments but prefer not to feel super tired, drained, and have so many symptoms if I do not have to. Cell cept causes birth defects so I know there is no trying for a baby as long as we are on this…we even had to sign a form before I was put on this acknowledging that I understood the risks of the medication for possible birth defects and that we would use proper birth control. The form even spelled those out and how many forms to use if you didn’t use the specific types the manufacturer/ professionals preferred they wanted you to combine certain types.

So though I have three 4 day weeks coming up, they will be filled with refilling my body’s reserve tanks, but draining my emotional energy reserves and probably a bit more of my sanity, as if I have much of that left, lol.


That Moment When You Feel…

There comes a time when you just FEEL. When everything feels more sensitive, when you realize that you are sensitive but you are even upset that someone noticed you were sensitive, lol. Well I have those moments. I like to be empathetic to others’ emotions, needs, and situations; however, I hate it when people say I’m sensitive about it. I want them to understand that I understand how they can feel that way and that I am not ALWAYS sensitive to what you are going through because even though I can understand it sometimes I will not be giving you a pass for it every time. SO playing on my sensitivity may not work in your favor if that is your ploy.

Moreover, if I find that it is something that I am actually sensitive to and I do find that someone is playing on my sensitivity you have lost ALL my trust and it will take you a long time to regain it! I may forgive you but I will not forget. This does not just happen at home with family and friends as one may be thinking. I have seen this in my work environment with subordinates who use excuses as to why they cannot ‘make it to work’ sadly for some in the end it got them in unfavorable places. Some have eventually climbed their way out my bad graces but again I have never forgot what they did. So though I give them chances to redeem themselves and treat them fairly, I am always guarded and prepared in case they they try it again.

Let this be a lesson. Do not stop being who you are because others try to take advantage but be wise enough to know that there are those out there that do not always have good intentions. I do like to believe that people are inherently good, though there are bad apples out there. After many years of prayer and meditation I have to say, so far I have not been proven wrong by this practice to often when I truly listen and practice this. People can be inherently good  and will be when given the chance. SO continue to feel and be nice first and see where it gets you! It certainly hasn’t hurt me or made my condition any worse.

Whoops, That costs me my taste!

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I’ve been a bad bad girl! So lately I have been on a binge. I have found that I can eat potatoes and tomatoes again with little to no affect on me and it has been lovely. I have been eating them in every form. I told myself I would start out slow and that I would try it near my next treatment which was suppose to be at week 12…The golden week 12. Well that is still 2 weeks and 2 days off at least and I totally did not ease into it. I dove in head first like a mad bull. I went in with my eyes wide open and have not looked back since. Then down side is that I have had a few side effects, very minimal but I refuse to stop. It’s hard to go back cold turkey like I did before when it was matter of life or death.

Now I have to research things and see if the symptoms I am having are being caused by the tomatoes and potatoes (IE the HIVES). I am hoping it is just stress but I need to be sure. Though again I just don’t want to give up my LOVES.

I have still not had much luck on implementing the spiciness back into my life. Each time I get happy with the peppers it burns me, pun intended. I find myself slurring and weak the soon after wishing I never did it. My eyes hate me and so on. I enjoy the spice but the spice does not like me. So needless to say I can only take mild spice or none at all. It sucks because I miss my hot wings, curry chicken, jalapeno poppers and chips. Man i even like the hot mama pickles. I tell ya I am so hurt.

However, I will at least stay away from the super spicy until I get the all clear and start making progress there as I desperately want to try to see if we can try to have a baby. I too close now. This by far the longest I have gone without plasma exchange and I am both excited and nervous.

It’s pretty sad though when your husband catches you licking food just to taste it and then you have to put it back or give it to him because you can’t have it, LOL. He just shakes his head. Sometimes I tough it out and eat it and then other times I stare at it longingly…


Stupid autoimmune disorder!

Silently IT Lurks…

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Everywhere I turns it’s there reminding me it has me in it’s grasps! Clawing at my skin leaving it red welts and vanishing before I anyone see IT. I tell people it has been there. They don’t believe me. They say what? I try to explain, but my memory seems to fail me. I begin to ramble like an blithering idiot.

It’s hard to tell people that STRESS is the culprit. That you are stressed about any and every THING. That little things bother you and big things alike. That the things you want most may not come to fruition but you cannot ask for help because it may mean that they will take pity  or they will look down on those around you. Even more so, they may even tell you they cannot help! Then I think to myself…would I let them help if they offered? So you fight on and become more distressed. You know the things that would be a solution to the situation and though you are working toward them. they too seem to be out of your grasp.

So you sit in your crawling skin, with the red welts that grow each day. Developing more and more HIVES wondering when they will stop but knowing they will not until you can find the solution AND REACH IT. I am becoming quite exhausted now!




OMG WHY!?! They always come at the worst times– as if there is ever a good time to have hives. I get them one at a time at first. Then they come in small clusters of 2-3 before I start to realize what they are and that they are not mosquito bites. At this point I am trying every meditation and relaxation method I know before they are full blown across my whole body.

More so, they are in the oddest places. I mean like right smack in the middle of my back (with my bra strap irritating it), on the tip of my elbow (so every time I rest my arm I feel it), or at the top of my gluteal crack (so I feel my undies rubbing it), LOL. And of course they are BRIGHT read unlike mosquito bites. They do not get larger or smaller they just are the brightest red they can be and they itch. And if I scratch them for more than a few seconds they start to hurt, unlike a mosquito bite which feels ‘better’ the more you scratch yet you are doing more damage.

Seriously, if I could avoid stress (negative that is) at all costs, then I would. But it finds me like a my dog finds an apple. You just have to trust me on this one, that little dog can hear/ smell you cut/ bite into an apple from 3 rooms away and comes prancing into the room excitedly for a piece because he knows with his big bright eyes there is no way ANY person can resist giving him a piece and thus far no one has.

Anyways, these hives are like attack of the killer bumps. They remind of having chicken pox. I feel like every time I turn over in my sleep one of the bumps get scratched and I want to scratch it even more but I know better yet it actually wakes me even more. I don’t put anything on it because usually they go away pretty quickly but I guess with an autoimmune disorder I am not quite use to how hives affect me now so I need to try a different tactic as they seem to hold on a bit longer now. I may need to start using cortisone ointment or aloe to help with the itching. Hopefully before I peel my skin away from my bones, LOL.



ER Observations…Hyperactive Senses! Universal Togetherness!


Last night was a long night that start as soon as my husband walked in the door. He came home complaining about his eye. I usually ignore his aches and pains because well men get beat up a lot, LOL. Even more so, my husband has a hard labor intensive job in landscaping and architecture and therefore he is constantly bending, grabbing, hauling, scooping, and so on all day. SO when he says he hurts…I figure it just comes with the job. But when he complains for more than an hour and he starts adding levels to his voice about it I figure it’s time to look at this condition.

Having been a certified professional rescuer for 16 years I have given first aid for so many different ailments I can hardly remember so I ask him to come in and let em see this eye and tell me exactly what happened. He says he went under a truck to that they use for work to look at something and debris fell into his eye. This happened at 11 in the morning. He said he got some of the debris out but it was still bothering him all day. He got home at almost 6:30 and was showing me his eye at 7;30.

At this point he was light sensitive, he said he could no longer flush his eyes anymore with water, and could not keep the eye open more than a a second without a lot of pain. So I said let’s go to the ER. He said I thought you wanted to look at it. I said you already did what I was going to have you do which was flush it. (which he usually NEVER does) and all the urgent cares closed at 8 taking their last person at 7:30 so we have to go to the ER.

He was reluctant but I was like you have no choice unless you want to be in more pain by morning. I said if there is something still in there it can be doing more damage and by morning your eye could be swollen shut and you could be blind. Yea I know extreme words…but it did the trick, 10 minutes later he was acting as if it was his idea to get up and go to the ER.

We go there and mr. cuddles was grumpy, LOL. I did not care. He was going to be seen and get this taken care of. He needs to be able to see and stop complaining. What is it with men and doctors anyways? geesh! So I drive him because he honestly could not open that eye. We get there and he is clipped with me and gets mad because as soon as we get there I forget he cannot see well and hop out the car and start walking at my normal speed. I left him and it was dark and he almost fell over some plants and I should have guided him. I thought back to the many times I needed similar help when having MG and said I’m sorry I forgot take my arm and he got even madder and declined it. (He did the same thing to me and I got mad too we all have to learn and remember and I told him so) I said well you cannot have it both ways. I also knew it was the pain and wear of his day bothering him so I tried to be nice but again men can be such babies when sick, lol.

When we check in, I get all his information and ask for a mask since I have an autoimmune disorder. At first the lady was like I don’t know where they are…I saw the ones they offered to everyone that exhibited symptoms that everyone touched…I did no want one of those. I wanted one of the ones they offered people like me who were not sick. She finally found them and gave me one. It was literally right in front of her face and she was really nice about it. I think she was a volunteer and she was only 16.

This had to be one of the best ER visits I ever had though. Maybe because for once it was not for me, LOL. But my senses were on overload! I was taking it all in. I also brought a book to read but I only read a few chapters because I was so into the lives of those around me. There were people laughing, crying, sleeping, and everything in between in there. The strange thing was the ER seemed to bring people together. No one was there alone and everyone seemed to put whatever petty issues they had aside to be there for each other.

My husband and I were there for hours and we saw many people come and go. He luckily only has a scratch on his cornea and it will only take a few days to heal. He now has his first ER trip in NC and a cool eye patch to wear. He can call himself an honorary pirate for a few days. We also hope he will start wearing one of the many pairs of protective glasses he has for work in the future after this, though I doubt he will, lol. But I can say I got to observe something that gave me a different perspective about human life last night. I can really say first hand I saw how tragedy and pain can bring people closer!

RANT COMING IN 3…2…1… Please Be Thoughtful!

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WHY Oh WHY do people do this!?! Why do they bring their hacking, sniffling, watery eyed, sneezing, mucous infested, selves into the fitness/ WELLNESS center and get OTHERS sick! Why is this your first thought is that, “I MUST GO TO THE FITNESS/ WELLNESS CENTER AND SWEAT THIS THING OUT AND ASK THEM WHAT ELSE I MUST DO WITH NO REGARD FOR ANYONE ELSE’S HEALTH”! If you are reading this and have done this…do you think to yourself maybe you should wear a mask to prevent others from being sick? Everyone who works in said environment or works out in said environment is able to defend themselves from your nastiness! You think you caught every inch of sneeze in your elbow? Even that cough that crept up on you and got out before you could balance yourself on the elliptical before you almost fell. Then you touched the elliptical. So you know…You cannot sweat out a cold/ flu sot stop trying!

We can’t all dodge your germs, even if…IF you actually cleaned your equipment, which let’s face it most of you barely clean all the areas you touch or sneeze, cough, or sweat on! You always think this is the job of the staff, yet we cannot possibly clean it between every person that jumps on it so the next person jumps on and they have touched the areas and are infected before they even knew what hit them!

Everyone who looks healthy is not as healthy as you think contrary to what you may think! There are some like me who look amazing, Yes I said it wonderfully freaking amazing most of the year! So you would never know I have an autoimmune disorder/ neuromuscular disorder unless I told you. I have no limp, no cane, no sign that says I am sick on my forehead. I have nothing most of the year that says steer clear. However, now during the worst part of cold and flu season (Jan-Mar) I must wear a mask because people are too afraid to stay home and miss work! They fear missing a workout day will cost them the ability to sweat out the cold. However, it only weakens you more when you are sick and takes you longer to recover.

Moreover, you spread you germs to people like. You have no intention of paying my hospital bill and since I can’t take a flu shot since it puts me in the ICU (which you wouldn’t know or seem to care about) you keep doing it! People never consider others. I bet that even if we bought masks like hospitals and placed a sign that said if you have the following symptoms (that of cold/flu — listing them as hospitals do) people still wouldn’t take them!

I’m learning that people are generally inconsiderate and yet when I wear my mask, like last year the geniuses all thought I was the one that was sick for THREE months. Seriously…3 months people! No I don’t want your cooties! I know not everyone can stay at home when sick, but if you feel that serious about your workout, do it at home! My doctor actually had to a note making me wear it at work because he did not want me going to the hospital anymore as it was hindering the progress I was trying to make for my MG with some of the medications I was taking. Some medications take 2 years to work and since I kept landing in the hospital every few months we were not sure if they were working because I would get sick each time I thought I was getting stronger or better. Everyone was getting frustrated!

Or if sweating it out is your goal get in hot bath, take a nap cap and get under some blankets, go for a run outside with trash bags on for all I care (it gets cold in these months! I don’t mean that last part, but you get the point….One should think twice before going into a fitness/WELLNESS establishment where others are trying to get fit and stay WELL and get them all sick because you are being selfish! It’s not fair. Moreover, in my facility all members get 1 free PT per MONTH! Let me create you a workout for the week you will be out…PLEASE. Just email me. I will give you one that’s fun and you can do with the equipment or body weight at home. JUST DON’T COME IN HERE!

I am not saying this to be selfish either (though yes I would prefer to to be sick EVER)… I have been privy to people’s private files here and I am not the only person here who could benefit not getting your germs. Though everyone would prefer it, some of us are more susceptible than others and therefore are in more danger than others from your actions. Please think twice and if you think twice and still come, don’t be surprised when I come nowhere near you, put on a mask, or state nicely I would rather not be to close to you (all while thinking jackass).

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Ode to Potatoes. BUBBA Ain’t Got Spud on ME!

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SO after talking to Amanda today she inspired me to write this post! 2 years ago when I was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis I learned that not only was it a neuromuscular disorder it is also an autoimmune disorder. With most autoimmune disorders balance is the key to keeping you stable. Balance of your system that is. That especially means what you eat. At the time I started noticing that at times I would eat things and they would cause me to have reactions that cause greater flare ups with my MG. But at the time I could not pin down what this was only that some food dishes did it like spaghetti which was something that we loved to make in my house that was quick and easy and I loved. I also noticed that I started having a few issues with potatoes but I was in DENIAL about this because it was no where near as severe a reaction as the spaghetti.

When I told my brother who happens to work in a hospital. He said he he heard about nightshade foods. I had not at the time. He said most people with auto immune issues cannot tolerate them. They have to stay away from them. So I started doing my own research and saw similar results on the lists were tomatoes (which made since with the spaghetti), eggplant (which I don’t eat), peppers (which did get me after being diagnosed), and POTATOES. I was saw it like this on the screen and bold letters though it was seriously not in caps. It was like my heart stopped.

I was like well you know what I see my hematologist and my doctors and my brother is not a doctor and I will ask them, LOL. I was totally in denial! Sure enough they confirmed the same things as soon as I said they cause flare ups and the symptoms I said I had and said I should back off them. I could do all of them easily (spaghetti was tough but I could) but POTATOES I litterally had tears come down my face before I could catch them.

I was like Kel from Kenan and Kel. “Who like Potatoes? Chris Likes Potatoes, I do, I do I do-ooo!!!”

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I was worse that Dr. Suess! “I will eat the on a goat in a boat surrounded by a goat!”

I could prepare them more ways than BUBBA GUMP from Forrest GUMP, “Baked, Twice baked, scalloped, fried, smashed, mashed, boiled, steamed, sauteed, creamed, and on and on…

My husband seriously was like is this fool really crying about potatoes! He told my mom and she was like you have no idea about the special relationship this child has with potatoes…Well that and cheese! Be glad she did not have to give that up, you may have to put her on suicide watch for that (and she did not crack a smile). He just stood staring at me! He was like there is no way. Then my mom said the child’s nickname was the fry kid when she was little. We just made he french fries or gave them to her when she was little. She would eat them cold, hot, home made, anyway you cut them. She always had room for them! It was like an addiction!


My husband listened to this story in awe and just stared at me like I was some sort of a freak then said poor baby! then said what do you want and I smiled and said a baked potato and he looked to my mom for help and she was like she’s yours can’t help you with that one kiddo. I would take the life of Mr. Potato head and his whole family if I had to and I think my husband saw that murderous gleam in my eye! I was ready!


Though I never thought I could do it I did it cold turkey for my health and did well for 18 months and then I would only eat it near treatment because hey it would be cleansed out of my system and fixed when I had plasma exchange, LOL. But even now if I have a potato I try to only eat one fry (yes 1) every few months or so. My husbands says it’s fine I know my body and nothing bad happens, LOL. I also take my spice/ peppers to an extent with the same result which tells me my body is doing better. I am happy but I will not push! I eat things that have tomato paste such a barbeque sauce in moderation but I still do not eat spaghetti or tomatoes though I miss them dearly. I think the reason I really could not do them was more due to acid reflux which I now take meds for so I may try spaghetti once near my next treatment to test it but not right now. I do not want to tempt fate! LOL!

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