Learned Helplessness Pt. 2

I wanted to expound a bit on learned helplessness. Philly and I had a discussion about learned helplessness in an indirect manner. I realized that he as many of us do in some manner or at some point in life suffers from it. He suffers much more than most and his is from dealing with many negative situations that he believes he just ‘deals’ with and says it’s life and moves on with. When in actuality they beat him up leaves hard scars and he voices his feelings about them often because they still bother him.

I never mind hearing about them, but when someone voices their feelings about something frequently, it does bother you and most definitely you are not living life, over it, or any of those other phrases people like to say they are. Now Philly has used a few of these phrases but I am speaking now to the masses here so understand that. I merely use him as an example to get my point across.

When you become accustomed to life, a situation, or a person constantly beating you up you can forget that this is not normal in life and it can become your normal. You begin making every excuse as to why this is YOUR life and applying it to all the exceptions to your life as well. Such as all your shortcomings (gender, race, age, weight, health, education, social status, etc…).  You being saying why you cannot find the positive situations and it alienates others from you. It becomes hard for others to be around you because they find it hard to constantly pull you out of the negative loop you have created.

The Saboteur

Every new person you meet does not know your past. You have a chance to recreate yourself. To show them a new you. To begin fresh. Yet because you are so conditioned to the negative past you refuse to show them that new you, you believe they will treat you like all the bad exes, so you begin testing them and sabotaging the relationship. You become suspicious, or you are half interested.

The Rude/ Mean Person

You throw out rude mean comments and clear them up as a joke once you realize you may have hurt the other person’s feelings. Your friend/ partner may laugh these things off initially but eventually they will realize this is not cool and that you are in fact not a nice person. They may be superficially interested in you and once this phase wears off they will say even more hurtful things. Sometimes the hurtful things are never about you, but about others and this may also be a sign. They are lashing out. They are constantly finding everything wrong with the world and everyone else. Nothing is good about the world EVER, not even when you point things out. This can be a hard pill to swallow for a person who is really nice and cheery (optimistic). You will find yourself needing outlets and a social network just being around this person (they will rarely if ever uplift you). You will find that you will consume yourself trying to do that for them and have little of yourself left.

All in all people who have learned helplessness are considered mental health individuals. They have been through 1 or more negative experiences that have triggered a behavior to react in the manner in which they have. It is very hard to overcome.

  1. The first step is becoming aware of the behavior and reaction. Coming from someone who has had learned helplessness late in life this was hard to do, especially since the behavior was due to fear.
  2. Once you are aware of the situation, you have to want to change it. This means knowing you reason for it and having a solid reason at that (one that is positive- usually one that is just for you).
  3. Then you have to make a plan to change it
  4. Then execute that plan
  5. And modify/ re-evaluate if needed
  6. smile because you made a change you can be proud of

 

 

Change Happens Regardless

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Yes I do enjoy some things to be routine but I prefer to shake things up often because being stagnant causes me to get comfortable, bored, and complacent. Now don’t get me wrong some things require routines and organization and I do love this as well. I love having a planner and I love organization. But I also love to shake things up and make changes and adapt. I like to be flexible.

When one is too comfortable and complacent we tend to ignore and miss truly amazing things in life. We go the same route to work and miss the new restaurants, stores, and other miscellaneous places that have opened because we just do not go this way. When we eat the same foods we get bored with out selections but have no idea what we want because we have yet to discover it. We have yet to try new things.

It is only when we branch out and try to explore and try new things that we can truly appreciate the changes and wonder all around us. I enjoy it. It is always my goal to try new things. I use to feel like I had to go go go! But now I have learned to relax and enjoy the things around me and take a break. During my breaks I slow down. I may read or sleep. Once I have refueled, I find new and exciting things all around me. I have found so many new things around me lately that it is ridiculous.

My husband laughs at me. I do not have to just go on groupon, living social, or coupon books (go.play.save) to find these things though they definitely help when I seem stumped sometimes. I have learned to make my own fun. I have learned to create trips, enjoy myself, and even throw darts if you will at random locations, activities, and experiences online to try.

Sometimes my husband looks at me like you go right ahead…I will catch you when you get back.

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Other times he’s like you go first and uh I guess I will try it…I’m like come on man up you got this, as I secretly laugh maybe even a bit evilly.

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Sometimes I may even be a bit nervous but I will never tell him which is which, LOL.

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Then there are the times I have to make him let me try it first because He is trying to run me down to try it first. I’m like hey what happened to ladies first and he’s like that’s antiquated woman, LMBO.

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I think soon I will have to make a huge literal dart board or wheel and start picking my activities at random. I like the whole game of chance and mystery behind it all.

Anniversary Time!

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Wow 2 years in a blink of an eye! So much happens in 2 years but one thing remains CHANGE and ADVENTURE! Bet you thought I was going to say love, well that should be a given so with that said I must keep shaking things up! I still dream of that delicious cake often and coming from someone who loves pie that speaks volumes!