Getting the Spark Back

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I heard an interesting topic on the radio about a young woman who had been married for 7 months and who already felt unattracted to her husband. She prefaced it with she is a Christian woman and that she she was finding many other men attractive but not her husband and was seeking the help of the radio personality for advice.

During this segment his readers tend to call in and weigh on the topic and usually in the most positive and respectful manner, not many radio shows where they can tear a person down as it is a Christian show. They are quite therapeutic. I found this particularly refreshing.

The radio personality first responded by giving his personal account saying that marriage has it’s ups and downs and that he had gone through this himself and how he handled his situation. But that as always and COMMUNICATION is the key.

We always cringe and feel this is so cliche but it is the pivotal corner stone that without it all else would fail. I kept waiting for someone on the call to say maybe she rushed into marriage…but at this point it was a moot point and though many may have thought it, it was a negative thought and again may not have been the case. It could have simply been just as stated that they lacked communication.

Most of us get married and forget how to communicate as we once did. We forget how to be there as we once were for one another. We get busy with life. We forget how to date one another and send those texts or have those phone calls we once had with one another. We forget to send flowers, give compliments, or dress nice every so often for just your spouse.

And though we hate to admit sometimes it could be that the spouse gained some weight and it’s the hard talk of not physically being attracted for that reason. But then you have to be prepared to be their rock to get them back on track. Both of you eating healthy, cooking healthy, and having fun doing it. Planning fun and great workouts, not just sending them to their ‘doomed’ trainer and so on and saying YOU need to do this and leaving them to do it all alone and just paying for it…that’s not how it works.

Sometimes communication requires you both taking a closer look and what is holding you both where you are. Do you have a plan “b” in your phone causing your roaming eye as you and your spouse stumble? Delete the numbers and maybe block/ unfriend these people on social media so that you can fully pour all your efforts into your spouse again and only truly have eyes for your spouse again.

Marriage does have it’s ups and downs but unless you are willing to go to therapy, pray, or fight for it, you will not be able to get that spark back and you will continue to drift apart. You have to work at marriage all the time. You are two different people, from different backgrounds, who lead two different lives and come home with a day’s worth of different emotions and then are expected to live a life a together. It’s possible but you have to want it!

When It All Comes Together

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There are times when things just seem to fall into place like the perfect puzzle. I mean they seem to start to fall into place no matter how hard they did not want to before. I was in so much stress just a few months back and struggling mentally with some things before and now. I have decided that whether these things truly come to pass or not I have plan and a back up plan and that I am fine with either. I am going to be content with these plans and keep pushing forward.

I am trying to be upbeat because it is pretty much all I know how to be! I mean I know I am not perfect and so does everyone around me and I can live with that. I enjoy the feeling I get when I know that my hard work pays off and that when you put out your good intentions and vibes in the world they do come back in the same way. I may not do everything I want to but I know that I have a really good heart and I try to think of others often.

I pray for others often and they may never know it but, they are constantly on my mind because I want to see them do well even if I forget to call, text, or facebook them once every 3 months, LOL. Sometimes it can be hard for me to talk to people who are constantly more negative than positive because it drains me and when there are a lot of them and they do not listen to advice or perpetuate more negativity I have to distance myself a bit so that it does not sour my mood. I only want to uplift people and some people can make that really hard.

If I could tattoo a smiley face on everyone’s heart and make it rain hearts and flowers I would. But since  I can’t will have to go with my method of loving people in the only ways I know how and that is to uplift them when I can, love them no matter what, and do what I can, when I can! This also includes helping the random stranger at the library adjust her paragraph formatting to reduce the spacing as she as not as familiar with computers.

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And letting my 1-3 drivers in at certain locations along my route home in traffic. I love doing my good deeds. I also enjoy helping the odd person read something or find something in the store that they may be looking for though I totally do not work there.

So when good things happen to me I am still surprised, not because I feel like I deserve them but because I feel like my one little good deed could not have possibly warranted such an amazing blessing sometimes. I am always so grateful.

Always in Awe!


I frequently sit in awe of the things that God does for me. I understand that this may turn some people off my blog because they do not believe in him and I do not always speak openly about my beliefs. But make no mistake that though I do not make my blog solely about religious and sanctified, I am spiritual and I do believe in God. I do not force anyone else to believe by any means. I find that I love my diverse friends that believe in so many other ways. I feel that not only do they center me more in my way but that theirs are still very interesting and that it could be so for them.

I enjoy seeing them love others the same as I do and this cannot be altogether a bad thing. Moreover, I find that being in a life where I can respect others for their differences is a very valuable aspect that I wish everyone had.


And my goal is never to offend, which I hope and pray this does this image does not do but someone may feel it does.

My most fun moments are when I realize that if I have prevailed before that I can again because my God has allowed it and will do it again. I know it is a test to allow me to be stronger and that I must pass it. However, sometimes not always in the way that I expect. There are so many times that I know I could have and should died and God saw fit to let me live because there was something else that he has planned for me. What that is I am not sure, but he has not brought me through some of the most amazing and terrible things to leave me alone now. He has more things in store and he is not done with me yet and I know it will be amazing because I can tell he has been preparing me for something GREAT!

That Moment When You Feel…

There comes a time when you just FEEL. When everything feels more sensitive, when you realize that you are sensitive but you are even upset that someone noticed you were sensitive, lol. Well I have those moments. I like to be empathetic to others’ emotions, needs, and situations; however, I hate it when people say I’m sensitive about it. I want them to understand that I understand how they can feel that way and that I am not ALWAYS sensitive to what you are going through because even though I can understand it sometimes I will not be giving you a pass for it every time. SO playing on my sensitivity may not work in your favor if that is your ploy.

Moreover, if I find that it is something that I am actually sensitive to and I do find that someone is playing on my sensitivity you have lost ALL my trust and it will take you a long time to regain it! I may forgive you but I will not forget. This does not just happen at home with family and friends as one may be thinking. I have seen this in my work environment with subordinates who use excuses as to why they cannot ‘make it to work’ sadly for some in the end it got them in unfavorable places. Some have eventually climbed their way out my bad graces but again I have never forgot what they did. So though I give them chances to redeem themselves and treat them fairly, I am always guarded and prepared in case they they try it again.

Let this be a lesson. Do not stop being who you are because others try to take advantage but be wise enough to know that there are those out there that do not always have good intentions. I do like to believe that people are inherently good, though there are bad apples out there. After many years of prayer and meditation I have to say, so far I have not been proven wrong by this practice to often when I truly listen and practice this. People can be inherently good  and will be when given the chance. SO continue to feel and be nice first and see where it gets you! It certainly hasn’t hurt me or made my condition any worse.

I said GOOD DAY!


Now when I say good day I usually mean it as a joke. Today I meant it as a statement. I felt it was radiating from me like the day rushed up to meet me and said, “hello, how are you?” and in response I was cordial and and said, ” actually I feel pretty good and I’m going to claim this day to be good and so it shall be and it is SO!” I felt like a Queen making a royal proclamation.

I woke up fairly rested. I had a pretty good night the night before. Watched a great movie. Then watched the live NBC version of the WIZ and it was really great. Then I read my book for a while all while cooking my lunch and dinner for today in the crockpot. Then I settled in and went to bed.

So this morning was pretty good. I got up read so more. took my time getting up and made some breakfast. Put my lunch together. Then my dinner as I would be at work for that time as well. Then I read again. I got up got ready for work and still had plenty of time before work. So I prayed a bit. Then I read some more. I felt really good this morning. I got up packed my stuff and prayed as I always do as I leave my house (a short prayer of protection and then added one for my family and friends and their relationships today as I felt especially good).

I got to work early 20 minutes early so I read for 10 minutes. Then I went in. I got my things together. Set up and boss let me soak in my normal 5 minutes of (meditation) and then he hit me with bad news. We have been getting a lot of that lately…I was like HEY…I SAID GOOD DAY. But then the news he gave about the person…it was a blessing in disguise because at least they were strong and fighting! My special person my “sunflower” is in my prayers and I despite my initial shock I know today will be a good day and the sun shines bright with new hope for them. I cannot go deeper than that for now but just know you are not alone! I say GOOD DAY! SO it must be!

Gratefulness & Compromise

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I have learned so much in the last few years about these two words…Gratefulness and Compromise. I was always very familiar with the first but the second was a more of a struggle. Many of us find compromise to be just that. When I have to do it for someone I love it is not usually a problem, but when I have to do it for myself and it means I have to monitor myself it is a bit harder. For example, I have to compromise my energy levels daily for different activities due to my MG. This can be tough when I really have a lot to do in a week or if I have had little sleep and have several things that I have to do so there is not much to compromise.

However, I have also learned that these are the groundwork of a marriage as well. They are part of communication. Most arguments in marriage come when someone one partner in a marriage has exhibited miscommunication in the area of gratefulness or compromise and they express it many ways.

I had a recent discussion a few months back with my best friend about compromise. We talked about how some people feel that in a marriage some people feel that things are not equal. I feel though that over time things even out, even if not always monetarily. For example, when my best friend went to school to get her degree her husband was the primary bread winner. Then she was able to support him while he went back to school. Now they have more balanced matching salaries! But even if she made or he made more, she still primarily does more of the house work and takes care of their daughter as he is in the military and gets deployed sometimes. When he is home he takes over! They balance.

The point is over time, these things over the years work themselves out and no one is keeping score or taking a rolling inventory! However, if you are this is plain petty! The goal is to be grateful that the family is together and that you both still love each other and have a common goal. There was a time that things were not as easy as they are now. People lose sight of this and say things like you wouldn’t have this without me just because they make more and you seem to have the least important job of rearing the children, paying the bills, and your job did not pay as great as theirs. Those are lows blows because without that person’s budgeting, planning, and care you would not have it either. You would not know when a bill was due, you would not have those children with good heads on their shoulders, and the extra support from that extra income! You would not have that extra confidence either or that love that comes with being with me!

Don’t take  a person’s quietness for many years as a weakness! If they decide to fight back suddenly it is not because they do not respect you, it is BECAUSE they love and respect you and want you to know you are hurting them and that they want for you to grow old together and know that they are grateful for you and along with grace comes COMPROMISE!

I have to be careful of this often in my own early marriage, though I am only 2 years in, no one wants to get 50 years in and realize there is nothing left because they were not grateful!


Day 16 of the #loveme challenge…something you like about yourself


So today I am suppose to share something I like about myself. I like that I am still so resilient! Some people call it being strong but I say that I am not strong. I break down, I cry, I am afraid at times but I am always able to bounce back and put on a brave face and keep pushing forward and try again. I am able to tough it out. I am able to move past things and be the bigger person even when I really want to get down and dirty and raw and pull out the big guns and rock someone to their core…I have learned I can better do this by being resilient because my kindness and happiness will probably bother them more because they will see that they were not able to phase me. At least that was what they are outwardly seeing, even if I am inwardly seething! It’s all about perception and keeping your composure. I pray and meditate to do this! God shows us how to stay resilient and rewards us for it! He gives us these trials and tribulations to see if we are worthy for the blessings that we are already destined to receive should we pass the test.



Last night I may not have gotten much sleep and I may be extremely tired this week and super run down due to all my appointments but I had a moment last night. I woke up and had to go to the bathroom in the night and came back and was in pain. I felt my left flank hurting and instantly thought OH NO! Please God not another kidney stone. I was like I know that the last 2 days I have been 2 busy. I have not been drinking water like I should be and I was so god since my last stone. I have been ON IT! I mean really on it! So I got up and instantly drank as much as I could which was only about 8-12 ounces before I felt sick to my stomach at 11:53p. I was praying to God to please not let me vomit. As an MGer If I start vomiting that repetitive muscle action can cause choking and that can go really bad really quickly. I was like I do not want to go to the hospital. I was like I have options. I have zofran in the other room if I need but I am going to sit here and breathe and get my anxiety UNDER CONTROL. I am going to BREATHE. I did not even let my mind go the the emergency suction machine in the house. I do not know why. I guess subconsciously I refuse to think I will need this at this point. I thought about pain management too but I said NO. BREATHE! Then suddenly about 15-20 minutes later it stopped. I started to tear up. I started thanking God instantly. I knew I had done what was right. I promised myself I would sip water every time I was up last night, through out the day today ask I could take it and as soon as I was off today I would go and buy my favorite sports drinks/ waters to help me re-hydrate. I have to wait until I get off to do this since I had to be up at 4a to be at work by 5:10a but when I get off at 1:30p it’s on. If the pain had not subsided instantly I would have known that I was too late and that it was a kidney stone again. I have been there and done that 3 times this year. They have no idea what was causing them, they just know it was not my medications thankfully as my medications are very critical to stabilizing my disorder. Funny enough Goldilocks slept through all of this last night and had no idea that I was going through any of this…if only I could sleep like this. This would probably eliminate half the issues I have had in my life, LMBO.

Looking Through The Eyes of Puppy Head Tilts


We all have those moments when we feel things are not quite right with the world or with ourselves. Well this morning, I was not sure which it was. I was eyeing everything as if I was confused or intrigued by it. I was just in LA LA land. I was both ready to go back to bed and curious as to why I had this strange feeling about my day. It’s just like a puppy who is discovering new things. You call their name or they see something new and they look at you and when you do something or don’t they stop and cock their head to some side and stare at you waiting for something, ANYTHING to happen because you hold that new bit of information that new magic they have learned is LIFE. They have associated ‘interesting’ with you! They follow you around because they know you do interesting things and have grown an attachment because you do things for them that no one thing can do for them at that stage in their lives (like basic necessities).

Though I do not require basic necessities right now, maybe I am waiting on God right now because I am hearing him shifting the atmosphere for me. Something is happening and I am unsure of this thing but I am following him around waiting… I do not feel anxious, just waiting like a puppy walking around.

Ripping Off The Band-Aid…Here Comes The RAW Emotions

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Last night I cried…i allowed myself to just let the tears flow, not like a blubbering mess but just flow. I also allowed my husband try and comfort me which I have only allowed a handful of times since knowing him as I usually prefer the comfort of myself or females, lol. Anyways, I cried because that morning I looked in the mirror and my hair was nearly gone after straightening once I took out braids that had been in for a long time.

With MG I sometimes have trouble doing my daily rituals because of time or strength issues so I have to pick quick easy tools to help me.I got my hair put into braids because doing my hair puts a strain on my fine motor skills that needs to be saved for typing for work, brushing my teeth, and going to the loo (at work, since I have a bidet at home and other tools) and carrying many heavy items in a fitness and wellness capacity at work.

Well I did the braids too many times back to back between that,the MG, and stress, I have very super long strands,and very shorts, and well I look butchered. When I went to work I did not have time to think much about it. I made the best of it saying I want to cry but who has time and made a hair style I figured I could get away with yesterday. But by the end of the day I was so exhausted fidgeting with the hairband that kept falling off and the bun that could not hold b/c my hair was so thin that when I walked in the door and my husband asked how my day was I said, “my migraine has come back, my anxiety is up because I missed my workout and I have no hair” and began to cry! The worst part of him consoling me was and usually is, he is not always sure what to say. He sat me down and offered me water, and wished he could hit the lottery to find a cure or an awesome weave. I said I simply wanted my hair back. My hair is longer the parts that grew but it is not healthy. He sat with me and rub my head and my hands and had his head bowed. He looked as if he was blinking back tears himself which made it hard because I could tell it hurt him to see me so hopeless because I am always to strong and ready to come up with the next idea! After a few more moments of that and no real solution we decided on dinner and just watched television and talked. Then I set up the idock and we listened to my nature sounds so that I could hear a good thunderstorm last night.

However, I did buy some hair products (Sunday) and I will give it about 2 months. This was for my temples before I straightened my hair because I saw that my hair was thinning there first before I could see all the other damage. If I feel I see no improvement I will be cutting it because my hair usually bounces back fast from anything and though I have this disorder I cannot keep holding to ‘past’ if its not going to work. I will also try going to the dermatologist as well. But that is hard between all my routine dr. visits without taking off work. I have a dr. visit as it is about 1 a week if not 2-3 times a week. Pray for me because I definitely a ball of emotions, though we should not ‘be our hair’ we as people are attached to our hair. Men can say they are not until they begin to bald and hold on to it while it recedes into horrid shapes, but we all know the truth we love the hair we have nurtured most of our lives. Therefore, until we decide on our on accord to cut it, or style it a certain way we a most definitely hurt when things like this happens. I’m totally praying for peace!