Autopilot…Who is this in my body?


Usually when I am autopilot I am a bit worried or concerned ┬ábecause I am so zoned out or tired that it is needed to get through my day. It is almost like a defense mechanism. I have no idea how I got to work but I know I prayed to get to work safely as I always do…In hindsight I sort of remember bits and pieces of the drive…maybe. I think I remember flashes of light and a car here or there. Yes, I know how dangerous that sounds. However, I am not sleep walking or sleep driving per se. I have had complete conversations with my husband before leaving home, searched things on my phone, and so on. I just have gone through the routine motions to get to work because it my norm and it is super early in the morning or late at night and dark. I only see darkness and I am alone with my thoughts so it’s as if I am dreaming.

I do the same things when I am at home and cleaning. I tend to zone out if I do not have on music. I zone out and I am in fog. I need music to wake me up and feel lively. Certain music gives me life. I need to hear certain songs at certain times to give me that punch to wake me up. Otherwise I feel like someone has taken me over and I am not me. Like a stranger is in the mirror looking back at me.

Today as I was decorating my house for Christmas I was on autopilot. I snapped out of it the happier I got then I heard the music I had been needing to hear. It was my personal mix of music from my iPod that I was humming from myself but it snapped me out it. I became determined and inspired. I got creative. I have some ideas that luckily everything except a few hooks I need to buy were already in my house. I am excited. This is great. I immediately went to get the iPod and started playing it later. To keep myself energized. Now I know I will finish the job and feel complete. I have taken some pictures but I will wait to post until everything is done! I am already so proud of me! I haven’t decorated for Christmas in years. And considering that I have never been one to like Christmas this is saying a lot!

And Bonus, I even made sure I ate all my meals today and have dinner ready for myself when I get home. I am so on it. I love my crock pot! If you don’t have it you should get the crock-pot book it’s at your local book store for like $12 and has over 350 recipes including deserts like pineapple upside down cake, pizza, lasagna, and so much more. I have had a ball saying what do I have in my kitchen…now what can I cook in the crock pot. Moreover, there are crockpot liners for $2 so you don’t have to wash your crockpot only rinse it if that. So go for it.