Sometimes I just sit and ponder…okay all the time, LOL. I daydream like it’s my job and one day I hope it will be. I hope I can completely convert to writing and people paying me to read about my craziness. Not here of course because I always want my blog to be free. I want people to always have some area where they can ‘easily’ access my thoughts.
Anyways, I sit and ponder aging. Sometimes it scares me to think I am aging and have yet to accomplish the things I want to in life. But then I think about all the famous and not so famous people who were well into life, well into their 30s, 40s, 50s and so on before they accomplished the fame that we know them for today. I also think about the lifespan that we have today compared to decades and centuries ago. Though no one is promised tomorrow or even the next second, I have time create these things as long as I am working toward them and not procrastinating upon them.
My great grandfather is 92 years old and acts and moves much like a 20 year old. My great aunt is in her late 60s and NOT one of my friends believes me when I say it. They looked at her picture from this weekend from a commencement ceremony for a reunion and they said she looks like she is in her late 30s or mid 40s at best. When I tell her this she laughs and says they are too kind but they are your friends, they have to say that…She has no idea…my friends can be harsh and very honest, LOL. They have properly aged many in my family and even over aged a few.
A lot of it has to do with the confidence one has too though. It is exuded in the way we walk, talk, and act daily. I learned that when my confidence is highest I could be in the worst outfit imaginable to me and yet no one notices because I feel like a million bucks and I’m happy and my skin glows and I walk like it’s a new trending outfit despite the despair of the outfit sometimes, LOL.
Sometimes a new outfit can do this, a new hairdo, or glasses, but for me I have learned that just owning your age but not looking is the new confidence. By learning to own a less stressful lifestyle and enjoying life I can have this! I want to be like the many examples I see in my family. My family and friends keep me young and I am learning to let go of my fear when it comes to aging!
So on Christmas day a cold materialized, if you know anything about a cold you know that you actually caught the cold 3-4 days before you actually showed symptoms. So i knew I likely caught it from my snuggle bunny (one of nephews) who was all over and spreading the love while I was babysitting the weekend before, lol. The cold was not so bad for me I seemed to get over it pretty quickly. However, the cough always seems to linger forever. It’s something that has been an issue for me since I was a junior in high school when they tried to say I had asthma but I refused such a diagnosis and they eventually settled on chronic bronchitis. It can take 1-3 months before my cough goes away without using my inhaler to treat it after a cold.
Moreover, with MG if there is mucus involved which sometimes there is it can be 10 times worse. It can cause breathing issues and if I am weak choking and aspiration and pneumonia. The worse part is that since I have gained a fear of choking known as anginophobia it makes the situation worse. I have higher anxiety throughout and can even have panic attacks during this time. I have to actively try to remain calm which is very difficult. So what I do is alert my husband, tell him I feel bad and take a specific cold medicine I trust and do a very routine regimen that not only comforts me but appears to work.
As I have become stronger in the last year with my MG I have not needed to be hospitalized for regular colds and such so unless this is something more I will stick to the routine and hope this passes quickly as well. I always give things a certain time frame to pass as well; so if it surpasses that then off to the outpatient we go for treatment before we have to be admitted. I do not want a ‘forced’ vacation. LOL. I have enough on my mind. I like to stay in control and in the hospital they tend to take a bit of that out of my control. I will give everything another week but then after that off to treatment we go. I have no desire to continue to feel like crap. This is not normal for me especially since I had treatment just 3 weeks ago. The only difference from normal is that I have been sick basically since that last treatment so I am hoping that I will feel better after next week. If not I will bite the bullet.
A fear I overcame was being alone. When i was in my teenage years and even my until about a few years ago I had a fear of being alone. I don’t mean in the sense of being in the dark or being in a house by myself but actually learning how to enjoy being alone and not in a relationship. I had to enjoy my how to enjoy who I was and love just me. It was hard because I was not sure it that was possible. I was afraid I would be alone forever, that no one was ever going to want to marry me. But before I ever met my now husband I learned that I could not be concerned with that. I had to love me and someone was going to come around that love me too because of that confidence! I also now enjoy being on my own and often tell my husband that I need my own time away from him, LOL. That fear of never finding anyone used to give me anxiety but now I know that no matter what happens with me and my husband I am secure in who I am and how I feel about myself and I am okay with that, Because I love me!