Mastery of Life and Career

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So when I was in psychology courses during my masters programs it taught me that when given gradually increasing responsibility and autonomy that one gains mastery over their environment, job, and requires increasing challenges to become an expert. Many studies proved this point. It is partly due to the intrinsic nature of what they are doing and the trust they are given. This requires a certain amount of trust on both the employee’s part and the employer’s side. The employee must prove that they can handle the responsibility and be trusted to do the work and if they cannot handle it, that they can use the resources around them to find the solution. Moreover, they have to be trusted to actually be doing work when not being supervised.

On the behalf of the employer, one has to be trusted to give rules and expect the employee to stay in those bounds and not micromanage. They must also be fair in pay and dealing when giving out responsibility based on scope of work and so on.

I believe this is true in a relationship as well. We need to understand that control works both ways just as within a career. One needs to be able to control one’s job just as they would a relationship. Each individual has to control what they allow to stress them by creating rules and boundaries. Moreover, each person needs to do a lot of observing.

You could have a spouse that is so use to others in their past that were so all over them always asking where they were  (or even you) that when you learn to stop doing it that they EXPECT IT. SO when you stop and learn control and patience they actually have a problem with it. They start believing you no longer care.  Because they associated that behavior with you caring for them. When in fact it was insecurity and you learning how to be more secure and enjoying life more with yourself (learning to be at ease alone…not clingy or being more trusting).

For me, once my husband got a car of his own when we were dating and learned that I did not like him being out all hours of the night and started keeping normal hours, he no longer got crazy phone call from me. He then could not understand why I did not blow up his phone. I say because I know where you are and unless you lied I assume you are fine and I have other things to be doing right now. It’s not that I do not care but, you said that is where you would be and I believe you and have no reason to be worried because you are busy right!?! It baffled him. My dad says man you just do not care! But I think it is because he has had similar dealings with my mom and over the years she has become the same way. LOL! We are trusting you to be doing what you said, and as an added bonus we have learned to be extremely happy doing something else while our busy husband are elsewhere since they work SO MANY HOURS and are so busy and now you are interrupting that now let me get back to my book, wine, nap, blogging, friends, crafting, or other activity I have found to do, LOL.

I also use to say good morning to him almost every morning before we started dating and when we first started dating and send him silly messages. But he was always too busy or focused on someone or something else to answer. Unless you really just do not look at your phone all day because it has to stay away (which is my day most days) it takes 10 seconds to respond and say hi or say I love you back or something silly. But he would ignore it. So now I do it too him sometimes and he gets to see how it feels and I said it doesn’t feel too good does it. You did it too me for 2 years. I am just giving you a taste and you can barely handle it.

I have learned this much about observing my husband, he like any man is sensitive. They try to pretend that they are STONE. But they are not. They are soft as pudding. They show you in a million ways when their feelings are hurt by acting out. They can be just as moody as women but then deny it. I do not baby and coddle my husband but he has learned to stop saying to me the next time I am doing something show me because I will. Now he knows every mood. He is fully aware now, LOL. However, I do not rub things in face (ok not as much). I try to let him work things out for himself and mature in that nature. However, it needs to be in growth. Just as with a career, we have to learn that we cannot just shut down and ignore our colleague or boss because we are upset with them. Especially in the case of being upset with your boss you have to learn to find ways to work in the same space with them while working through your anger, so you learn skills that will get you through the moment. If it’s breathing in 6 counts, holding it for 4 counts, and letting it out for 10; taking a short walk; changing the subject if possible; talking through your anger; finding your happy place (envisioning a place of serenity).

Are you the master of your life?

Over a Year! No Problem!

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I was asked the other day how I was doing and my usual response was I’m GREAT! I have been making sure that I give a better answer than good or okay. I want to give people the impression that you can be something other than the normal at any given time. But when I looked at this person and remembered they were someone who knows me a bit better than the average person and she gave me that look like really..how are you? I thought a bit more about it and said I really am amazing! I have not had a true MG episode that has hospitalized me in well over a year. My last MG hospitalization was January 2015. And it was actually due to a virus that quickly became way more in the form of an intubation and respiratory pneumonia in less than 36 hours. Truly one of the scariest moments of my life. So to think that this was the longest since having MG I have gone without hospitalization and that I can now go 3 months without treatment is really amazing.

I thought after my first few crisis moments. I would never be able to travel again or be able to have a really normal life despite what people said because I was glued to medication and treatments and hospitals. They said everyone was different and mine form of MG was so severe and did not follow anyone else’s trend that I was worried I would never have any sort of freedom. It still does not follow anyone’s trend which is still a tricky thing but it is fine because I have come to embrace that and enjoy that I still get to have a life. I am stable and happy!

Granted I still have days where I am super tired and I am definitely over-worked some days it’s just all about balance and learning limitations. When I am doing too much, my body tells me and I have to learn how to accommodate that and adjust or I suffer greatly and that can mean a huge setback that I am not willing to sacrifice. So before that can happen I will cut back on the unnecessary things. This may not mean no worries for the rest of my days but it’s as close to it as I can get!

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Anniversary Time!

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Wow 2 years in a blink of an eye! So much happens in 2 years but one thing remains CHANGE and ADVENTURE! Bet you thought I was going to say love, well that should be a given so with that said I must keep shaking things up! I still dream of that delicious cake often and coming from someone who loves pie that speaks volumes!

Liebster Award! Many Thanks!

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Thank you Kerri Williams for the nomination! I am so honored. Each time I get nominated for an award I can hardly believe anyone is reading my little blog! I am still shocked that I have one and that people read it, LOL. Well let’s get started! Here is how it works:

  • Make a post thanking and linking the person who nominated me and include the Liebster Award sticker in the post.
  • Nominate 5-10 other bloggers and notify them of this in one of their posts.
  • All nominated bloggers are to have less than 200 followers.
  • Answer the 11 questions posed by your nominator and create 11 different questions for your nominees to answer.  Or, you can repeat the same questions.
  • Copy these rules into your post.
  1. And now for the questions to my nominations:
    1. How do you take your coffee? Um I don’t but If I drink a coffee type drink once every three months it must be like a frozen caramel macchiato.
    2. How do you respond to sex if your medication has taken your sex drive away? I don’t even want to be touched and I do try to do so just for my husband because I empathize for him. It’s not his fault and I try for him. However, this has not been an issue for a long time, LOL.
    3. What is your sexual orientation? I am female who is very tomboy
    4. What do you think is the kindest, most selfless thing you have ever done? Told my now husband that he did not have to marry me knowing that I loved him because I was just diagnosed with MG 2 weeks before our wedding because it was a chronic disorder and I did not want him to be tied down to possible taking care of me forever not knowing fully how bad it could be, but that it could be really bad. I wanted him to know that I loved him and did not blame him if he wanted out and no one in my family would either.
    5. What do you think the meanest and most selfish thing you’ve ever done? I took for granted my ability to have children when I was younger and now it may not be possible
    6. Do you have or want children? I do not have children but I want to
    7. How do you react to people that get up in your face? I breathe and try to meditate if it is in anger and if it is just a bubble buster I try to breathe and try to find natural ways to create space such as an object like a desk between us something of that nature, LOL.
    8. Have you told your employer, employees, school friends or teachers that you suffer from mental illness? I have told people that I suffer from having high anxiety and that I exercise and organize things as a form of reducing my anxiety but they do not know the extent to mental illness because it is well controlled thankfully! But yes, they all know! Many people suffer from anxiety and since it is a more common or mainstream mental illness I’m lucky in being able to express it versus other more stigmatized mental illnesses.
    9. Where would your perfect holiday destination be? In Europe during the fall or Christmas time. I Just have always had so many books and dreams and movies setr during that time it seems so magical. Harry ‘Potteresque’. I would have a butter beer, lol and be bundled up with my husband and eat tons of great food and seem many historical places and museums and take a little gondola ride. Yep!
    10. How often do you shower daily? 4-5 times a week I sometime go no where on the weekends AT ALL, LOL
    11. Do you floss? Yes but not as often as I should, LOL (only a few times a week)

And now for the questions to my nominations:

  1. How do you like your eggs?
  2. What is the wildest thing you have ever done?
  3. What is your sexual orientation or that you most relate to (there is a difference, lol)?
  4. What do you think is the kindest, most selfless thing you have ever done?
  5. What do you think the meanest and most selfish thing you’ve ever done?
  6. Do you have or want children?
  7. How do you react to people that get up in your face?
  8. Have you told your employer, employees, school friends or teachers about your blog?
  9. Where would your perfect holiday destination be?
  10. What is your favorite movie?
  11. What is one thing or person that makes you smile no matter how bad things are?

OK I nominate the following people:

Modern1marvel

Alexa

Marie

Tyrone Pierre

Claire

Rayven Satterfield