My Wonderful Followers

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Yesterday I posted about feedback in one’s writing career and depression. Who would have thought that the two topics would have seemed to merge into an overwhelming response of feedback of positive responses of support and information of how to’s, try this, similar experiences, internet hugs, and cheery smiles and messages to make me smile. The out pour of support was just so amazing. I was not expecting it and yet it was there.

I was offered free advice on how to creatively write better through daily prompts, and even offered some prompts (thank you ladies and gents I so appreciate it because I did not know where to begin and I truly appreciate it), I was offered free hypnosis (which I may take you up on this, lol), I was offered smiles and hugs which I take graciously because they are contagious and make me smile and feel so warm and fuzzy.

I enjoy the opportunity to share with you all because you make me feel like I am being HEARD! You care about what I have to say because you not only read it but some of you have been through it before and can relate to it. It makes my writing have a purpose. It makes my writing come to life. It does what I do everyday in life for my mother and brother, I advocate…I advocate for writers, for justice, for love for so many things, but I especially advocate for those who have health or mental health issues.

Thank you to all my followers who have shown me support especially during the last few weeks. Your support is one the reasons I have continued to flourish!

I’m Awesome!

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I refuse to believe anything less about myself! No this is not part of my therapy routine I have not started yet, lol. I simply believe this about all that I do and embody. However, there are aspects about me that I do not like, just like everyone else. I simply believe that with all that I do I friggin rock and sometimes I feel like I should toot my own horn.

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There are days like yesterday where I am on it. I somehow manage to get everything going in the right direction and moving and still have a smile on my face. I set up several appointments for myself and my husband at different offices through a series of phones calls and emails. I had a conference call that seemed to go on forever and the way my attention is set up sometimes I struggled so hard to pay attention that I actually managed to pay attention at the right times. DO NOT ask me how that happened.

Then I was able to still manage to get all my work done on time and still keep my stress levels down. Though my strength and mind were totally on ‘E’ I mean I felt like I was happy as a lark and oblivious to everything but very tired and ready for a good ole nap all day.

I was still on a roll though. I got all this accomplished, moved through the day. Kept my cell on my hip and constantly in play (multitasking master here) because I was making constant moves/ appts. Then when I off one job went straight to the other things seemed to move in slow motion. I didn’t put my bluetooth headphones on like normal to play my music/ receive calls and I felt naked and sluggish. I knew I would still get through the job in time because I had managed to get there in time to get done by the time I desired even after staying later at my full-time job to make up time for earlier in the week. I was still on a role but boy did I want my music. When things started to slow down mentally I did have to give in to one snapchat moment where I documented work feeling never ending. Then I got back on it and kept going.

I finished and saw a text from the hubbs…and though my day was great his was not as on point but I didn’t let it spoil my day because funny enough (and maybe not so nicely) it was a gloating moment for me. He says, “guess what, I broke my glasses”. I’m thinking to myself the same glasses that you misplace several times a day, that you throw about haphazardly roll over on the floor in your sleep while napping on the floor, don’t wear protective goggles over while working in landscaping? Those? The same ones that you have broken a trillion times and the last time we went to get them fixed they said they probably won’t be able to fix them again because they are so far beyond repair…THOSE? Then your eyes are so bad that you squint even with them on…And you got those like in 2008 and when I say you need new ones and we have insurance just get new ones you keep putting it off…saying you will and each time they break you say I should go ahead…I keep saying before the next time they break and they say they won’t help you because you are not a client of theirs or that they are beyond repair…

Well sometimes…I told you so is just not enough! LOL. So he is rocking a rubber band over his frames right now. I do not feel bad at all because I have designer frames for way cheap from an awesome place (America’s Best) 2 pair during their sale and you get 3 years of free eye exams for $99 and he won’t even go in for that. Silly man! Sometimes you have to drag men kickin and screamin to health appointments…I never thought it was that serious or true…BUT GEESH! I feel like I should be enetered in the Austrailian wife dragging husband race competition. At least there are prizes and recognition for it. Him and the eye doctor thing is ridiculous to the point of hilarity, I’m like what do you think is going to happen in there man? Can’t be as bad as your ER trip a few months ago for a scratched cornea. That was one of the funniest days ever, though at the time he wasn’t laughing!

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But even he admitted last night I was awesome on top of everything last night because I still didn’t say, “I TOLD YOU SO” I just giggled at his rubber band and said what did you put in the oven? He laughed and said well there is enough for you and can I have one of your powerade drinks and we talked about all the appointments scheduled which one of them SHOULD have been an EYE APPOINTMENT for GOLDILOCKS!

And It Begins…

I have officially decided to begin therapy again. My anxiety level has finally hit the roof and I can no longer control it. I feel like if I do not go back to therapy I will seriously do something that I may or may not regret…I’m not sure yet. Regardless, by going to therapy I can at least talk it through and feel better, have another psychologist in my head besides myself and stop going back and forth in my head. That cannot be good (the internal struggle is getting pretty loud).

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I will say that the last time I was actively and consistently in therapy was high school (sophmore year). It was mandated by my parents because they could not fathom the things going on in my anxiety riddled head. I allowed a rather ‘genius’ kid to talk me into things I was not ready for because I was both in love and tired of the subject and a series of unfortunate events happened to say the VERY LEAST.

I went to therapy in college as well to be let out of my college dorm contract due to my anxiety and the constant roommate changes every semester due to roommates’ inability to pay, getting kicked out of school (addiction), and so on each semester for 5 semesters. It was sad and they kept waking me and keeping me up and since I was also diagnosed with insomnia I was let out of the contract as soon as they let me see the university’s psychologist and they were able to pull my high school records.

I also went to therapy from about 2nd grade to 8th grade due to social work to see how I was coping living with my aunt and uncle and changing environments with my real mother. It was interesting. I was never really sure what to tell them, but I hated re-telling my story with each new therapist since apparently as I got older realized they in school and doing their residency and so on. So I clammed up and eventually the ‘people’ went away because I was all better, LOL. I did not like it back then because I was pulled out of class or school every week at the same time and kids always wanted to know where I went and why. It was embarrassing. My brother and I became really good at manipulating the therapist back then…A really bad habit, to make them think everything was fine. Or evading questions.

However, now I have no desire to do this. I want them to guide me and I want to work on me. I have to know where this truly coming from. I believe I know for the most part, but I need a strong grasp on it. I need the triggers to ‘dissolve’ and I need my husband to come into the sessions and be guided on the behavior modification process as well. I cannot do this alone especially when I’m sure between this among other things it is wearing on US. Luckily our insurance covers this and so I believe this is all lining up the way it is suppose to. So here we go. That poor therapist…she will need a therapist after me…but then again 85% of psychologists need a psychologists so I am in good company…

HOPE: Power or Danger

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I have learned in my life that HOPE can be one of the most powerful things in this world. When you give someone HOPE you have truly given them the seed of something that can be wonderfully amazing or horribly tragic.

When you give someone HOPE that needs it in a time of tragedy then it can be the most healing and amazing thing ever. It can help them overcome most anything and they can excel and use this power to put all their energy, pain, and efforts into positive and prolific movements. They can create unique establishments that resolve issues that have never been solved because they have been moved by HOPE. They can take on projects that will one day become the next telephone, cure for hepatitis, heart surgery, and so on because they cannot stand to see one more person say it cannot be done or watch one more person die.

However, HOPE can have the opposite and most dangerous effect for people who are not worthy. In domestic and abusive relationships the spouse who is not hopeful will watch and the hopeful one is the one who is abusive. They know you will not leave and they get more emboldened by this because each time you stay after the first initial encounters you prove that they have the upper hand. If they do it one time they are likely to continue because without help (professional help) they cannot control themselves. The are left unchecked and they realize you are not going anywhere. They know you will allow them to disrespect you. You will allow them to say whatever, whenever, and do whatever because at the end of the day all your threats are empty. You will not go anywhere, you will not do anything. Even if you do time and time again you just take them back. They have HOPE. You gave it to them without even knowing it; by your actions. They saw the trend. So they get comfortable and until you finally break it and it does not happen anymore they will not believe you.

Remember, abuse happens any many forms, physically, mentally, emotionally, and verbally to name a few. When someone understands that you have truly had enough, they will start to waver in their HOPE, but only when you break the cycle. Prove you mean business, get a circle of protection and help. Show them you are not going to stand for it. I know this is easier said than done especially if you have let it happen for so long. I know that there was a human person in there you loved at one point and some of you may want to salvage the relationship. So this will take time if you choose to, but that requires outside help because obviously you were/ are not able to do it alone. So get that help, getting help offers you HOPE. That gives you power and diminishes theirs over you. We all deserve to have control in our lives and when you feel  you have none at all, this is a horrible feeling. When you lose the ability to feel creative, ambitious, and compassionate, you need to regain your HOPE!

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Dominant Independence to Vulnerability: Letting Go

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Life really knows how to throw some turns your way. I have always been as someone who was/ is strong and independent. However, once being diagnosed with MG those who know me well know that I have severe moments of vulnerability that have broken me down to that of a newborn babe to explain to terms that are completely adequate. I have been on breathing tubes, intubated, and feeding tubes. I have needed someone to wash me, catheters to help with lavatory needs, and people to help me re-learn how to speak, walk, and function each time I have a crisis.

When you go from one extreme of personality to the next it can really take it’s toll on you. You have to trust people, and not only do trust them but trust that they love you and understand what to do with this this love and trust. However, I have recently learned that sometimes people who I have given this trust during these vulnerable times have not really known what to do with it and therefore I feel they have misused it and for lack of a better word crapped on it. I feel they have taken it for granted and not realized that when someone is that vulnerable they can also become very easily changed in an instant based on how you treat them in those instances if they realized you have not treated them well during those times.

I have had friends that I trusted to care for me in some ways during this time whether it was as small as a phone call to check on me or as big as a helping me move. If they could not commit, they had to go because I trusted them to keep their promises and commit. I was extremely vulnerable and communication is everything during these times.

The same is said of family and spouses. I cannot go on pretending that people want to be in my life if they do not. I cannot allow people to be in my life out of convenience to THEM. I have far too much going on for such things. You have to choose to be in or out! But if you are in, my thought is that it must be a two way street where both parties are always trying to some extent and that this is communicated on in some way no matter how vague. Even if it’s the, “I trust you to be the friend that flakes” friend. I’m just saying everything has to have it’s standard and communication is the key. So with that said…when communication has failed, trust fails, and love hangs in the balance if it was ever there in the first place.

We must be careful of what we show people, because actions speak louder than words. Lip service has become the norm in society. We tend to say things before thinking, and though we sometimes mean well, people take our word for it becasue they want to believe the good in us. So then when it does not come to fruition they are left with disappointment and when this becomes a pattern and the norm what are you to them? Why do you speak? Why should anyone believe anything you say? Your word is no good! Your actions may speak louder, but if they only happen at your timing and sporadically people cannot find pattern in this nor comfort, so why trust in you? When someone is vulnerable they need stability and they need to be able to trust others. If they cannot trust in someone and know that you are a stable person, why are you there?

Will you find yourself being a selfish person standing in the way of someone’s healing, love, and stability because you refuse to see who you are? Know who you are and grow! It took me a long time to be okay being vulnerable and even longer to know that it was okay to put people out my life that had been there for so long that were no longer contributing to it. Can you do the same?

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SO HUNGRY…

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Where has this insatiable appetite come from? I have been hungry for everything lately, not just food but understanding, reading, relaxation, and quality time with loved ones. It has been something I cannot seem to get enough of. I have been devouring all of these things in LARGE quantities, bingeing until my brain and body hurts, then go panting on the side lines, only to go rest and do it all over again.

I am sure this non-stop manner is not good for me but I right now I have a few things on my side such as youth among the many things against me…I know with MG I should slow down, but when you have spent the better part of 3 years unable to live a normal life around family and friends, food and have normal activities you tend to do this. Now I am trying to find a happy medium. Balance is hard. I do not want to be a stranger to all my friends and family.

I also have missed out on many vacations and chances to have fun due to this disorder and now I am trying to be able to do just that. I know I cannot do it all at once (though I know it doesn’t seem that I know that the way I go at things sometimes, LOL) but I do try to get as many experiences in as possible within reason. It is always hard when I have to tell people no when I really want to say yes, because I want to go, especially after saying no to everyone for so long.

What’s more is while I was in school, I said no to family functions for even longer because of distance and learning who I was without being around them all the time. Now I know better and value and understand life with my family. So again, it’s trying to fit them in as much as my friends and my husband too. And of course, all my medical things and eventually we will have to think about the things for us as a little family too. I’m exhausted thinking about all that, LOL. For now, I will just have to continue to use all my lovely new apps to keep my memory sharp and on point since my on memory alone needs refreshers (thanks meds) and pick and choose what events and moments are going to give me the most moments with the most friends to show my face at. In other words, if I go to this event, will I be seen by the most friends at once so I can reach a quota and not have to go to 10 small events, LOL. Less stress (even good stress) on my body. Plus will my hubby want to go and would he have fun? These are the things I think of because I like to introduce him to  new people and new environments. He always drags his feet but in the end he always enjoys himself and then asks to be invited again. It is always the SAME cycle, he is such a brat.

Welp, time to start/ finish planning events for March, LOL. There are already some in there. Then I have to start filling in some things for April as well. My friends are booking me out and I am not too upset about it. I need to see them and get out more. I just have to ensure I pick healthy options when I eat out with FIBER and PROTEIN because I do not wish to be hooked on sweets or be starving later, LOL.

My Awesome Birthday Gifts

There are times that you get a gift for your birthday and you say yeah ok I like this, or this will come in handy. You truly appreciate it and are happy for it. Then there are times that as soon as you hear about a gift you are receiving or get a gift and PUFF UP with excitement and pride and know exactly how you are going to spend every moment with these gifts. You have already planned every waking minute with said items. I did not ask for anything for my birthday yet when i said the things that I had planned to get for myself on the months leading up to my birthday and the days after, people felt compelled to get them for me. I was ecstatic because obviously I already had planned to get them for myself so I really wanted them. I had researched them and everything. Then I got 2 unexpected gifts…but let me slow down and start from the beginning.

So the first person to get me a gift was my sister though I received her gift last due to it being left at her house and me just not meeting her there. My mom had seen it and they kept telling me how awesome my gift was. And indeed it was. She has incredible fashion sense and tends to buy me awesome clothes (well anyone in our family). She needs to be a celebrity shopper or something. Anyways, she bought me a cute sweater with with some pizzazz from one of my favorite stores (Torrids) then I saw it…Some shorts though likely pajama shorts I will find myself in them in random places (the beach, maybe working out, and possibly doing some crazy event). They were shorts that had WONDER WOMAN on them. I was excited and never knew I would be excited about something like this. But I was. I was really excited about them. I think partially because I see curvy larger girls wearing such cute things and I always wanted things like these but they just never looked right on me or I could not find them in my size and here they were. I was in love. I actually felt moved by these shorts and my sister had no idea she had done something so sincere with her normal giving nature in just that action.

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Then there was my husband’s gift. I asked for an ice cream cake and boy o boy did he deliver. He let me choose the one I wanted from Cold Stone called Strawberry Passion. It was layers of moist red velvet cake, strawberry puree and strawberry ice cream with graham cracker pie crust wrapped in fluffy strawberry frosting. I was in HEAVEN. Usually I only eat one slice each year of any ice cream cake but this year we bought a 6 inch cake and I ate half of it and he the other (over the course of 2 days). I did not regret it one bit, only made sure to start the veggies immediately upon finishing it to tame the rising sweet tooth that was sure to come since I rarely to eat such sweets. Again paradise…I just sunk into the sofa and melted into another universe with it.

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Then the next day I met up with my best friend for breakfast at a new restaurant (well new to us) and we had an amazing breakfast and she gave me an itunes card. I was planning on getting some new music via that same platform and was enthusiastic about it because I had been listening to some new artists and needed to get it in my repertoire soon so I could play it non-stop until I could just about hear it on the radio or anywhere else and think the next song is…oh wait this isn’t the album, lol. I have done that so many times in my life wearing an album out. Thank you girl. I need this music in my life it was so positive and great and been reaching to me for weeks. That card was right on time. It gets me started revamping my music collection, it’s been a while.

Finally, my mom and I were having a conversation about my husband. He sometimes has moments of MANLINESS. You know the moments people, these are the moments where he shoves his foot so far down his throat that when he realizes that it is there it is up to his thigh and he can read the label on the back of his pants. Welp he had that moment about 2-3 weeks ago. He started making more and more comments about me taking over ‘HIS’ tablet. Which before then was our tablet our so I thought. Granted he got it with a deal with his phone, but said we would share it. He rarely ever used it and neither did I. Then I started using it more and suddenly so did he…but not really because I did he just did because of some apps he put on it as did I. So when he made the comment, “man you have had MY tablet so much lately that I forgot what it looked like” and tried to laugh it off. I said ‘MY’…’YOUR’ and then he laughed and said ‘OUR’ and I said don’t worry I will get my own. Then he didn’t like this. Because he knows when I buy things I research really well and get exactly what I want, like I did with my phone and everything else and he is usually jealous.I knew he meant what he said, but he kept trying to play it off but he did a bad job of it. He next line went something like…Man see you gonna go get an iPad air or something that got everything, and a gazillion gigs of memory and what not…and he droned on for like 5 minutes.

Now it was my turn to laugh. I said I would not get a something that expensive, I promised that whatever I got would be less than $50 and still out do anything he got and that I would be happy as pie about it all. He soon forgot about the conversation. My mom and I talked about this conversation about 2 weeks later…It just happened to come up as my husband managed to make another comment earlier that day again about my use of the tablet…She said well how much do they cost and I said $40-60 and there was one I was looking at around $50 or so that had everything that I was going to get. She then said, well, I have not given you a birthday gift yet, would you rather that be your gift…and I said well SURE. I had not even thought of that.

I said welp buddy you are getting your just desserts now, LOL. I usually do not play a game of war with my husband…who am I kidding yes I do. We do it all the time, all in fun and we will have fun with this as well my whole family for weeks to come, but he deserved it for being a numbskull. I made sure it had all the bells and whistles too including coming with a keyboard case, stylus, and headphones, having more memory, buying an additional memory card to expand the memory, and having an hdmi port (which came with the cord) to hook to the t.v. Yep I went all out.And of course front and rear facing cameras. And since he’s a tech head he is going to want to get his hands on it and play with it and I will know when he tries because he will need my PASSWORD or PIN to get in. I’m not hiding a thing but it’s so I know when he has it, LMBO. I did the same thing with my phone for the first 10 months because he likes to try to download and change everything and make things like he wants it telling you what apps you needs and don’t need (I can’t stand that). I almost got in car accident once trying to voice text (cus I was trying to see what happened to it and turn it back on) only to find he THOUGHT it was not a necessary function and disabled it. I’m like um I use my voice features to call, text, and so on while driving dork, why would you cut that off? I use it to stay hands free (with headphones or bluetooth) and not look at the phone which defeated the purpose that day, smh.

Anyways, he had no idea this tablet was coming, at least not this way because he thought it was weeks away if I ever did it and he did not know I ordered it. It came this morning. I hugged my package to my chest and danced around my house. Since he doesn’t read my blog (though it goes to email since he is a subscriber) he won’t see this and I will just walk in the house and start using it). I have half a mind to tell him it’s from my love but I won’t do that, BWAHAHA.

I have taught him time and time being selfish gets you nowhere, LOL. I share all my stuff with him and he never takes care of it and breaks it which was another reason I wanted my own tablet before he did that and I did not have one. The man had torn through every pair of headphones, charger, and misc gadget in our house…if you know what’s good for you it better have a warranty.

can’t wait to see his reaction tonight! I know this is wrong but you have to have fun in your marriage, LOL this is our way…Can you laugh at each other? How do you have fun? We declare war!

I Love You a LATTE Kind of Day

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I am a naturally energized woman. It just comes out of nowhere. When I think I have nothing left my second wind comes. Then when that disappears, welp I somehow get a third and fourth. I know it’s a strange thing to say since by having a chronic disorder and an autoimmune disorder I should be whining about how tired I am and never having enough energy but I do somehow always manage to get by. I know this is nothing but my faith in God that gets me there though because there are days like yesterday that I should NOT have been able to finish the day without every symptom I have flaring up and raising every alarm and me just passing out.

I had a 20+ hour day and was so active in the day that my “pacer” app hit new records for me and I was not even shocked. I was actually elated. My boss at my part-time job even freaked out because I was not at my second job at my usual time though and he thought I was not coming in (though I do not have to be there right at 6p as long as I am before 2am) to get my few hours in. He apologized for the freak out since I am always god at calling AND texting to make sure someone gets my message by noon on any day I am not going to be in. I did not need the apology because I understand that in his position it probably has happened many times from other employees. He was just doing his job and checking just in the off chance something happened and he needed to send someone to fill my position last night. When you have worked with a ton of part-timers you understand the mentality and you do not mind it, in fact you admire and appreciate his efficiency and dedication especially at 8:13p.

Yesterday, I woke up at 4a worked my full-time job until 1:30p. Then went grocery shopping and put those away at home. Then got to the dentist office 10 minutes late, LOL. But I knew that it was easier when it was less busy at that time than fighting the after work crowd. I got an excellent report by the way at the dentist better than I had in a while since they always say my gums are inflamed and this time they were excellent.

Then I left there and went to the hospital to sit with my grandmother who had just had hip replacement surgery that morning. She got out of surgery around 3. By the time I get there at 4:30p physical therapy is there rubbing her legs and minutes later she is up and walking for the first time since her surgery which she literally just got back from. I was amazed and proud. She was doing great, such a trooper. I sat with her and kept her company and talked with her nurses and made sure I got any information needed for my mom and aunt who would be with her more often than I for the next couple of weeks during her recovery.

I left at 7:50 and grabbed dinner and put gas in my car. Then went to my part-time job. called my boss who called mere minutes before that with the freaked out to ensure I was looking at the work phone to check in and did just that. I cleaned my building and left work. I went home and walked through the door at 10:55p and then sagged with the weight of the day finally. It had hit me all at once. I was glad that my ankles had not swollen to grapefruit size again. It told me that it was in fact going off my migraine meds for those 3 days that did me in last week. They were a tad swollen but who can blame them for 20+ hours of movement this time. But they didn’t really hurt but the rest of me did. I put my clothes in the wash, got my things together for the next day, and ate what my husband cooked. Then he said GO TO BED in a text, LOL. He was in another room because I was going to sleep with my foot propped up and he didn’t want to snore me out of existence or bother me in any way so he slept in our guest room. I don’t think it took me 20 minutes to fall asleep for once. I was sleep around midnight thankfully.

I woke up this morning and laid there for an hour before being able to move, LOL. It was hard work moving. I knew I overdid it yesterday but what was I to do? I needed to do those things, they are not everyday occurrences, at least not in that sequence. So I borrowed some energy from today and cheated a bit. Needless to say I’m paying a bit for it today. I bought a coffee today. I can count how many times I drink coffee each year. It usually follows a day like yesterday…So there you have it. It’s a latte sort of day with mindless clicking at the keyboard to stay awake, countless to do list pre-made so that I can’t forget what I was doing and stay on task and a I made everything for today on my calendar yesterday or Wednesday because I knew I would be in this mental state. My memory gets bad on days like today thanks to my migraine preventor so I just prepare for it. My to do lists, emails, and client workouts are all set and I get things done when I am alert and able. That way when today comes I seem on my game though I am totally NOT.

Days like today between the mindless clicking on the keyboard I have large lulls of daydreaming, I have switch between project often, and sometimes I have to walk around or read a book or something to keep it together (usually only lasts for about 5-10 minutes at a time) but I know it’s my anxiety getting to me because I need sleep. Today will be a bit worse since my co-worker took off and I have no one to talk to…Fridays in my facility people leave early so it is always a ghost town in here and then without someone in here and I’m feeling like this I am trying to rein in my stir crazy feeling. The anxiety of no sleep feeling bottled up and then wishing I could sleep but being buzzed on coffee is a weird sensation!

Not So Natural Beauty

Having Big Lips <–Check this Video

I would like to say that the topic today is something that I have just noticed or that is has just begun to happen in today’s society but unfortunately it has not. Though I would like to say that it is just racism…it goes far deeper than this. It is an issue of culture and someone looking to point a finger. I understand the over-sensitive nature in which we live in today but people need to understand it goes both ways these days.

You have all cultures doing things to fit in with other cultures and some of it dates back to survival while others are indicative of trends and fashion. However, should we be so quick to call it racism?

Point and case you have afro-centric cultures that have naturally curly hair that fight to straighten their hair chemically or through heat. There are those who say this is to be like the white society. In some cases, yes we have been taught that our hair is not exactly ideal. We are taught to hate our hair, to be ashamed of it, to think that when we do not have it in some manageable style that makes others comfortable that we are not appealing. Who would want to have ‘nappy’ hair as they call it. However, when you go to other countries where there afro-centric cultures are more dominant and were less disturbed this is not the case. This natural beauty is celebrated. It started back in the days of slavery though, being cut down to nothing by the words of ‘owners’ and then to continue to this day. Women coloring their hair for the same reasons.

However, now we straighten our hair and color it because we WANT to! Because we desire to. However, that it also due to trending. If we saw more women with natural hair would we follow that trend? As the natural hair movement has began I have seen the propensity in that direction and now I wonder how many women feel pride behind this or feel as if this is just a trend to follow.

But as I stated, it goes both ways. You have euro-centric women who get perms to fit in. They want curly hair to fit in. They want curves and fuller lips. They get tans to become darker. And society says they are trying to be ‘black’. Why does it have to be black, there are other cultures that have these same attributes first off, and secondly some white people have just as many curves, curls, and complexions without alterations before you begin making such comments.

Everyone is going for crash diets to be super thin. We all make different changes often. The difference is everything we do, whether it is natural or not, it is how we carry ourselves and what we then project to others. We must make sure that we are not hypocritical pointing fingers, calling people racist for what we do not understand; making assumptions. Try to understand or simply ask. We all enjoy mimicry (it is after all the deepest form of flattery) but let us try to understand why we are doing it and its consequences as well. Do not always follow things blindly and do not be so condescending to those who do. You never know, you may actually be following something without even knowing it. We are all beautiful in our own right let us not judge how we deem that right to be so!

Little surprises are the BEST!

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So I woke up to texts and facebook messages from friends and family this morning wishing me a happy birthday. It was awesome! Some people do not like that facebook does this but for me, this is why I entered my birthday which is optional to display. I want people to know when it is so they have NO EXCUSES, LOL. It’s the only day out of the year I want someone to make a big deal but I just never say it! However, a big deal to me has either greatly depreciated or when one actually comes I almost have a heart-a-stroke (yes I just said that).

I mean coming into work and my co-worker put it on our big whiteboard and made it all artistic made my day. I seriously laughed out loud and he was the first to say happy birthday out lout to me today. Every client that comes in can see the board because we use it for informational bulletins to them so most of them read it coming in and each time I’m quiet and just have managed to forget it’s my birthday again, someone else shouts happy birthday to me. It definitely makes coming to work on your birthday feel like less of a ‘day’ and more of a celebration. I usually tell people I don’t really care if I work or not on my bday, but I guess it’s because I do not have plans during the week on that day. Why not work. I can always celebrate on the weekend if I choose.

I will say aside from that little thing are the individual posts from people on facebook. I mean yes there are those that just say happy birthday, which I appreciate the acknowledgement; however, I cherish the individualized comments that are a bit more thoughtful because like a card they are from the heart and offer those who are not right with me or live nearby the opportunity ti still tell me how much I mean to them. You may find that vain, but to know that you are needed, loved, and have positively impacted someone’s life are all great feelings.

I am so thankful for the birthday wishes! They truly make this gal feel so important, it may go to my head before the end of the weekend…But hey we all need a few days a year like that, this happens to be mine! Now onward to free food and desserts from all these restaurants who will give this to me based on my good looks…*co-worker says you mean your ID saying your bday* I say ahem they are checking my good looks! I’m getting all these things based on my looks people, let the big-headed, all about me moments BEGIN!