I Enjoy Learning…#GEEKALERT

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I am probably one of those weird people you pick on or laugh at because they just do not know how to stop. I enjoy doing research and sometimes to a fault. I find myself going down the rabbit hole and sometimes hours have passed where I only mean to spend a few minutes looking into something.

I have a deep thirst for knowledge. But do not get it wrong, just like with anything I enjoy what I choose to learn about. I find things that interest me. However, there are times that I force myself to learn about things that are relevant so that I am not ignorant to what is happening in the world. I do not like to look completely out of the loop in educated and sophisticated conversation when in my corporate environment. I also think that to move and groove in this world you need to understand that even if you do not agree with all the politics and judicial hoopla of the world that you should at least know what is occurring because it usually will affect you or someone you know in some way.

I have learned that it is best to have some tacit and fluid knowledge about these things so that when it comes up in conversation (and it will when you least expect it) that you can advise someone on it or give your take in a well versed manner and then bow out gracefully saying your piece and and sometimes it’s really just PEACE to prevent from taking a true side because you are not willing to.

I have found that with some of my friends, family, and co-workers they have brought up interesting conversations about every aspect of life. These things have affected them or someone they know or have weighed heavily on them in some way and they have voiced them to me. I may not have a true view or opinion of them but I immediately begin mulling things over in my mind and deciding how I may feel in my head about it. What I know about such things from trending things and books I have read and then if I can remember any articles or recent discussions I may have had recently. I typically do not watch much news (though I have been getting better about this lately trying to do so about 30-60 min a week). I know that may sound strange but I find that by looking over articles and finding supporting information I feel more scholarly like when I was in school and I can build a case for what is valid, reliable, and sustainable. My friends sort of look at me as someone who is a fact checker of such information.

I enjoy the unvoiced position I have be given. They asked me what I think about a particular topic and if I do not know about it, they feed me a few bits about it. I come up with my own opinions and thoughts, and then they ask me about it again in about 24-48 hours because they want to finish the conversation if they give me that long, LOL. They know I will look up the information and they know I will come with the facts and let them know if indeed something is debatable, worth looking into, and if it will become our next fb conversation to chime in on.

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I may not read the 1000pg book on science but I will read the 20-50 page scientific article on it. I also enjoy the lovely thesis papers and the almost fiction books that are partially based on it. Moreover, if you give me a documentary on it, a non-fiction book, or  biographical book on the subject i’m all in! I loved the down an dirty or plain and simple version of what really happened! I loved adding the tidbits that most people would never know from online and that most people would never remember from real life knowing the person or otherwise. It’s fun dropping ‘secret’ hints about things. I love that insider information that comes from learning. I am such a geek…Way to go parents…you succeeded!

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There is an I in Team…Or is There?

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Of all there years of working in both team and independent environments I have always hated the the team environment though I understood the many benefits of it. I hated it because I always felt I could get so much more accomplished on my own. The reasoning came from the fact that I always had the laziest of lazy people paired with me that would slap their name on my project and say they helped when in actuality they literally would come about on the last day and try and do something.

Some people would say if only you would work better in a team you would get the concept…but when you have 2 weeks, a month, or some other long length of time to work on a project and the ‘team’ decides to come together in the final moment of the project to work on it having not brainstormed one piece of it prior to that I will not work with you.

Now if you brainstormed ANY thing with me within the first few moments and we agree to come back within the last moments because it is simple but somehow proves to be harder than we anticipated well then that’s a hurdle to come about at that time. But that was a team effort. Not me making the plan or me enforcing/ finalizing the plan.

Recently, I have been known to take on entire team dealings just to reduce such anxiety because I do not like deal with tight deadlines because of said lazy people. It drives me insane. I am a person that if I have a month the get something done it is usually done within the first 1-2 weeks and turned in so that if there is problem my boss can look over it and has plenty of time if necessary (which usually it’s not) to send it back for edits. This makes everyone less stressed and very happy!

We are all very accustomed to my style,  within my team, LOL. I love my current team because we are a self-managed team that works independently of one another on tasks and come together on our tasks and each one knows our tasks. We all know each person’s strengths and weaknesses and play to them well. We enjoy each other’s company.

HOWEVER….there is always a person who comes along and tries to screw with that notion. We recently had that snake in our garden of eden if you will, lol. That piper among lulling falsely. This person had us all fooled. They came in and inevitably greatly disappointed us in the end…But let me start at the beginning.

We allowed the person to come in as a part-timer to do some work with us. We have plenty of part-timers who help our team. We consider them as part of our sub team like a network of webbing that supports our main team. We also enjoy them and all they do with and for us. They are integral to who and what we are as an organization. This person seemed amazing at first. They came a time of need and subbed as we needed them taking up the slack where we needed it most. The clients loved them. However, there was a minor glitch at our sister location with one of our staff…they did not seem to take note of said awesomeness as I had…hmmm well this was strange. They did not welcome them as I had either. They were not being team oriented. Tsk. Tsk. I hated that their experience was not so great there, but they only had to be there that one time. However, they would need to go back there to pick up their ID. But luckily they could avoid that staff member.

Everything appeared to be fine for a few weeks. Then They needed to miss a day at my site. I was a bit disturbed by this as it was already agreed upon and the calendar had gone out to all of our members. The reason was a conflict with their other job…But not as disturbed maybe as I should have been because it was a in a way a first offense as I sort of shrugged off the other issue. I thought to myself though they agreed to this date they really should not break our agreements/ commitments because of such this was already arranged and it was not an emergency and we told them as much. It’s just plain unprofessional. Especially when we confirm things from month to month and we are already in a pinch due since this person is subbing for or regular person.

Then the person asks about 11/24 the Tuesday before thanksgiving. This should have thrown a reg flag but it did not. I simply stated again that we have already sent out the schedule and could not change it at will like this to the members and that the class would be happening. This questioning about the class happened 2 more times in different ways on different days. My red flag finally went up! But it was too late. They missed the class of course and I was miles away on vacation. I had a hunch something like that would happen though I prayed it wouldn’t. The evidence was stacked against them. They now missed a class because of work, then said they were outside waiting for someone to open a door but left before anyone could open it the next week and then the following week this week said they did not know they were on the schedule…That gave them 3 strikes. Unfortunately, for them there was email confirmation of 3 dates stating that they were going to work the dates. Moreover, if they had picked up their ID within the 4+ weeks they had been working they would not have had an issue getting into any doors when needed. Though no one is sure now if that was ever the case…but I digress.

What this all really means is that when you say you are are going to do something everyone relies on you to do your part. When you are part of a team the team relies on you. You make others look bad when you do not do your part. She in part made me look bad as the Coordinator, and then I made My Program Manager look bad, who in part made my company look bad and then our Parent company. None of us like to feel like this. We know that it will show up on our survey as if we have control over this…

Moreover, it affects the way people look at culture. When you say one bad apple spoils the bunch it is sadly true. Some people look at one person and will stereotype them in an environment. they will say they all have an attitude. Or they are all prone to violence. I have been written up behind a stereotype sadly and was very irritate by it. My boss at the time apologize for it deeply but it taught me a serious lesson on where to go to vent, LOL. Black women can only vent in private in their offices behind closed doors ESPECIALLY in corporate settings. When I did it in the locker room talking to my co-worker about an employee who we would no longer be using anymore a few years back after she caused me to work from open to close (5:30a-8p) a member stated that I had an attitude and though I was not talking directly about anyone in the locker room she felt my conversation was inappropriate and told my boss. Though my co-worker who she could not see was having this conversation with me and they knew it was her in there with me (who happened to be white) was left unscathed in this disciplinary action…

You learn quickly what you do can affect those who come after you so you try hard to set the best precedence. So to see someone come in and act the way they did in this situation was quite disappointing to me. Moreover, seeing more and more homeless people in this world and that age coming at younger rates, you would think it would dawn on people that this is very serious at that it will become harder for future generations to get jobs if we keep acting as if the world OWES us anything. The world owes me nothing…I prove that I belong here in my drive, ambition, and creativity. I work hard to be me and stand apart but above all the a model of love and greatness! It can take a team at times to do that and at times it takes a piece of that team. So there is an I in team because I am a piece of a greater good! But I will say that not everyone is sadly! Which are you?

Day 28 of the #loveme Challenge…What I learned

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So this challenge being over is a bit bittersweet for me! I truly enjoyed and looked forward to getting up each day and doing this challenge. I have learned that I do indeed love myself as I originally thought that I did though I know some that took on the challenge in my blogging community were still working on or did not. However, I learned that I am activity still working on more things than I thought I was which is not discouraging but reminds me to keep it in the forefront of my mind ‘lightly’ and continue to work on it, but not force it. I also  got to learn more about my fellow bloggers during this challenge which was cool. I feel like it brings us all closer and supporting and caring for one another.

Day 27 of the #loveme Challenge…What have you accepted about you?

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I have accepted many things about myself. The biggest thing I have accepted about myself is that I cannot change the past and that I must forgive myself for the things I did and if I can apologize to people I ave wronged do so and I cannot (because they have passed away) that I must pray for forgiveness and accept that I must make a change to learn from that circumstance and be better for it. I have learned that it is hard for to forgive myself for some things and that I am harder on myself and anyone else could EVER be. I have had to accept that I will learn to be better at this over time but that it is a work in progress, so far reflecting on it I have come a long way but I am not 100% great at this yet. I Look to the Lord for help with this and it gives me peace and each day gets easier and hurts less and that means I am healing. I have come to the point for many things that I use to have trouble with that I actually found that one day I wake up and I feel resolved and I just Thank God. For some things I still struggle and I know it is okay because one day I know I will get to the same point with those things.

Day 26 of the #loveme challenge…What makes me feel beautiful?

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This is actually a very simple answer for me. Feeling clean! That makes me feel more beautiful than anything in this world. It’s not the clothes I wear or the make-up it is simply the feeling of feeling clean and clear inside and out. I mean a nice amazing scrub a dub dub from the bath/ shower and clean hair, and great body scrubs and scents. Then some great meditation to cleanse the soul and I feel so beautiful that I could just do a model spread for you guys. LOL. That confidence may be short lived once the cameras actually got there but that’s how great I feel at that moment. I don’t need the compliment the first. I am so comfortable in my skin at those moments because it took me so long to get to a point to be able to enjoy such things.

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Day 25 of the #loveme Challenge… What makes me Laugh?

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So I probably laugh most of the day. instead of frown lines I probably have laugh lines. If I do I am not ashamed of them. The things that usually make me laugh the most are watching old cartoons from my childhood or playing games with my friends…We love having game nights. We had one last night in fact and it was hours of hilarity! The group always decides on which game to play, we have many games. Uno, monopoly, skip-bo, phase 10, cards against humanity, spades, taboo, and countless others. Last night was cards against humanity, Lol.

Day 24 of the #love me challenge…What makes you happy

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Today is very simple for me. Many things make me happy but recently what made me happy was just being around my pups they are so frigging cute to me and they have such personalities on them. Pepper never stops moving asking for attention, barking and playing. While Porter plays for about 10 minutes and then sleeps all day. Though I call them pups they are 10 and 8. My little mini schnauzers are so funny. They copy things they see humans do which makes me laugh even harder. Pepper yawns supper loud like my dad. Porter prances all day like a show pony and that’s his normal walk. They pounce on each other like cats and they love apples. I have a million stories but the best thing about them is that they make me happy.

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Day 23 of the #loveme Challenge…My best feature

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Well I use to say my best feature was my smile but I have to honestly say I hide it now because of the MG and what I call the ogre smile since it doesn’t look the same to me. My cheeks have gotten so big from the steroids my smile looks foreign to me. Though it doesn’t make me smile any less I just find that I am not as in love with it as I once was. I found myself really having to think this morning about my best feature since all my best features have changed so much due to this illness. Then I said uh DERH no they haven’t my best feature is still my personality naturally, BWAHAHAHA. I love that I am witty, silly, and unpredictable. I love who I am and I pretty comfortable with me. I am an basically an open book and feel like I rather enjoy life as it comes daily and try to find something positive about each day. It’s part of my  meditative habit. Obviously most days there are MANY positive things but some days when it feels like the worst of the worst, I have to think long and hard for that one really good shining star of a moment and focus on that ball of light to finish my day. So yeah, I love my personality and I thank God, my family and those whom I have encountered over the years for helping me shape this lovely ME!

Day 22 of the #loveme Challenge…What makes me unique?

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Man what makes me unique? BWHAHAHA! I feel like that is a loaded question! I am unique in so many ways. I strive to be unique I love being part of #teamweird. As my mom calls me her honey child running wild. So it doesn’t say one thing, in that spirit I will name a few things. For one and the reason I started my blog I have Myasthenia Gravis a rare neuromuscular and autoimmune disorder and many days I forget I have it because God makes me feel awesome (though I do get tired more easily). I enjoy education, like I seriously learn to learn! I know that sounds crazy! Obviously in things that I am interested but if it’s about psychology I’m all ears and can listen to someone drone on forever. I love music from EVERY era and in EVER genre (I haven’t found something in an era or genre that is likable). I strive to be me and that is unique, but more importantly that encompasses being me no matter where I am! I enjoy trying to be different and think differently about every situation and how I can bring a different ‘something’ to every situation, circumstance.

Day 21 of the #loveme Challenge…Something You are Proud of

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I am proud of all that I have accomplished! I know that seems very obtuse but sometimes I feel that I do not reflect enough and I get stuck on feelings of “i never will get anywhere or I still haven’t done this or that”. Then I have to remember that I have done so much already in my 30 short years. I have earned 2 masters degrees in that time while simultaneously holding a full-time job. Yea many people may do this but I did it too. I have had many adventures and traveled out of the country twice to 3 places. I am scuba certified. I enjoy the great depths of the ocean and the highest dwellings of the sky while bungee jumping and the like. I love adrenaline rushes. I have been to many odd places that are out of the ordinary just to say I have done it. I have also tried odd jobs and enjoyed them. This includes all the sports I participated in, the fine arts, and so on! I am most proud of those things and will continue to remember that I have accomplished a lot and have way more to accomplish which is why I am making annual bucket list now. Life is too short to be stagnant, bored, and hermit like! You must enjoy it and reflect on those memories and say you have something to be proud of and I am!