Falling in Love all over again

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I love music! Music gives me something that nothing else in this world can give me. It creates a picture in my mind that and soothes my soul in a way that no person can. It speaks to me in a way that sets my entire being into action.

While randomly looking up who my famous birthday counterparts are I ran across Smokey Robinson. Now I am only 31 but when I tell you this man could sing me words within ANY congressional bill which I find highly confusing and boring (though I am sure it is informative and educational) and I would swoon. Take me I’m YOURS!

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He still looks great for his age and has the voice of an ANGEL.If this man asked me right now to marry him I may have to would go to commit a crime of polygamy. I would have him sing once a month random things like about a tea cup, or the flip flop for a about 15-30 seconds just to make sure I was not dreaming.

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YES, YES I DO!

WHY you say? Why the randomness. Well because I have heard all his music and singing his music would make believe I was in fact dreaming, hearing something I have never heard would make me feel more secure that it was not a dream. I would only request one other thing, to have one beautiful child with this man. I’m not asking that it has his beautiful eyes, hair, skin, or anything. Just again another piece of him and way to know this was NOT a dream or rather a DREAM come TRUE.

His music just transports me to another place. I can see myself in different times both that I have lived with other people and times that I wished that I could have lived back in times when William Robinson, Jr. was dating, dancing, and so on. He weaves such a whimsical tapestry that the vivid colors, sounds, and images swirl about in my mind making me giddy with happiness.

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Now imagine, if I am like this with just one piece of music how I can feel when with each different track and artist I put in. I feel so amazed and enthralled by each piece. I get so emotional. My music can cause me to feel a way I did not feel earlier or I can intentionally seek out music to extend the mood I am already in. I have to be careful with the music I listen to for that reason. I do not carry around a lot of ‘angry’ music or negative music for that reason because I have no desire to feel that way. Though I have associated some of my music with sadder times and events due to when it was on. I still try not to have any ‘hate, anger, mad’ music that encourages those thoughts or feelings within me as I feel such emotions easily within my music.

I do not believe rap insights these things within people, but if you associate a bad event with a certain song this is instead where it starts, not the song itself. The song speaks to you because it may help a primal depth of what you are feeling as you are already feeling a certain way, but the song itself is not the culprit just the vessel of expression.

 

A Song in My Heart

Most mornings I wake up I have a song in my head that I cannot seem to get rid of. It is not always the same one but sometimes I will have the same one in my head for several days in a row in the morning. It does not usually stick in my head all day and if you ask me what song it was that morning I may not always remember by thee night much like a dream.

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A lot of times it tends to be a song from my past that I listened to none stop that meant something to me at the time that for some reason I was fixated on. I mean some of them are truly catchy songs that if I sang out loud would probably embarrass even the most openly sensual person, while others are some of the most saintly encouraging gospel tunes ever and everything in between.

These songs all remind of a story each morning and play automatically through my head even when some songs I try to will away due to the nature of the song (not the memory it brings necessarily, lol). When you know the unedited version of my neck, my back by Khia, wel… I will say it was a challenge to know the song due to all the people I hung around, being young, and playing in clubs. I had to know the words and be in the know back then. I did not want to be labeled as an outmode.

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But now I look at these songs and sort of laugh, because the mornings that I manage to NOT have a song already flitting in my mind I feel off. I feel incomplete and wrong and the day feels ominous and brooding like something bad may happen sometimes.

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So sometimes as soon as I get in the car or fully wake up if it is the weekend, I get the music going and get a song in my head and start the day of right and get that song in my heart. I get myself feeling a lot better and say it will be a good day and get that self talk going. I start pouring in what feels right! I make my own recipe for a good day. I make a great playlists and get it together just randomly going through my iTouch or the radio and it inspires me! When you feel angry with someone or the day is just going sideways, ask them to put a song (or a few, lol) in their heart and you do the same and see if it makes things better before you both come back to one another and talk. It can truly work wonders!

Hot Cocoa, Delicious Books, Crisp Fall Weather, And Beautiful Music

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I am in love with this time of year! I love everything about it! I love the clothes, wearing long sleeves, boots, and hoodies. I loves my scarves. I also loves the rain, and the pretty fall colors, and the crisp air. It’s not freezing cold but not burning hot either. You have to dress in layers, lol.

It’s just cold enough some days for me to get into work and put on some hot water and make some hot cocoa. Then I sink into my chair in my office and start my work for the day. I also seem to do the same thing when I get home, lol. I figure why not indulge. Sometimes, if I’m really feeling froggy I add some marshmallow fluff.

I have also have found as late that reading has been reignited for me. I have been checking this off my bucket list left and right. I have read more than 10 books in the last few weeks. I have to read 50 before the end of 2016 so I will well surpass my goal. Moreover, I need to travel to a state I have never been in before and I will get to do that in a few weeks. Visiting in Pennsylvania. I will also be decorating my house for Christmas which is another check on my bucket list. Finally if they have a pool at the hotel I am trying to book I will be in bucket list paradise. So lets see how much of this annual list I can accomplish. Whoo Hoo! ūüôā However, though I enjoy my books and boy do I as I have to drag¬†myself out of their magical fantasy world after looking at the clock and realizing I just spend hours engulfed in an¬†exotic land I have to get better about planning more fun for myself in the real world.

But what really does it for me is pulling out my iPod and picking¬†out my favorite holiday music. I start that a bit early (right after Halloween). I don’t mean Christmas music per se but a bit of my favorite classics. These would include all the wonderful musicals they play during this time of the year like the Sounds of Music, The Wizard of Oz, Mary Poppins, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Bedknobs and Broomsticks, and so on. I also enjoy the Christmas ones too of course but try to save them for a bit closer to Christmas because I do not want to get to tired of them before Christmas time. I enjoy mixing in these songs on my iPod as well and enjoying them and singing them as well and blasting them through the car. It reminds me of ‘coming home’ it seems as I leave work each day. It calms me, especially when I am sitting in traffic. It makes the holidays way more bearable, when it seems that people are not as nice and filled with holiday spirit as they should be.

I enjoy this time of year and it seems the older I get and the older my family gets, the more I actually enjoy spending it with my family which I did not ever think would be the case when I was younger. I guess I took it for granted before I was diagnosed with MG. But after missing some holidays and not feeling I had anything to ‘offer’ the family or that they would really notice if I did not show I had a change of heart. I realized that I after having MG we are not all promised the next day or and though that may sound cheesy we must enjoy each day as if it is our last. So I try to spend as much time as possible with my family. I also try to wait until I am invited sometimes too hehehe.

Though I was born in the winter and always use to say I was a winter baby because I loved the cold and still kind of do (though it no longer likes me with MG) I have to say I think I really am a fall (autumn) gal! I love the warm cozy feeling it gives me now. It makes me think of family, love, life, and fun. I’m still have not become a cuddler again but I enjoy the ‘feeling’ of being cuddly at heart. We’ll call it COZY!

It’s Award Season…The Sunshine Blog Award

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I was nominated for this award by the cool yet snarky¬†Kerri Williams¬†From Bipolar to Happiness, and I want to thank you for that. I¬†greatly appreciate these awards even though I know some of you are like why on earth do people keep handing these out they are so cheesy, but I’m cheese ball and they make me feel wonderful and I feel they really uplift others!

Firstly, the rules:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you;
  2. Answer the 11 questions set out by the nominator;
  3. Nominate 11 followers to receive this award and ask them 11 questions.

I liked Kerri’s questions so much I want to answer them and then ask the same ones of my nominees…

  1. Dogs or cats? Dogs
  2. Favourite movie? the labyrinth, hands down
  3. Favourite actor? that’s a tough one, ugh, but I will watch anything with robing williams, LL cool J or Charlize Theron
  4. What type of music do you listen to? Neosoul and Gospel mostly
  5. Are you scared of the dentist? not really I have a really good and gentle dentist that has reformed my opinion of dentists
  6. Do you have any phobias? yep I have Anginophobia, fear of being choked/ choking due to having MG and several surgeries that they did not put me to sleep for that were near or on my neck/ throat and feeling that pressure while having a build up of mucus and choking on my mucus and needing suction…so not really irrational or unfounded…
  7. Fruit or vegetables? fruits I like the sweet tastes and the juiciness that comes with them
  8. Do you have any allergies? YEPPERS…Penicillian, Bees, Latex, and some meds
  9. Where in the world do you live? The U.S. in North Carolina
  10. What is your favourite book? Man I have to pick just ONE AHHHH. I guess I will go back to the one I still remember the most and still love and will probably read to my kids when I have some. It’s called I will Love You Forever by Robert Munsch. I used to read it over and over when I was younger and try to sing it to myself when I was younger like I thought it should be done.
  11. What is your favourite past or present tv program? A different World because I wanted to live their life in college. It seemed so cool. Then I wondered how real it was. Then I missed the program for years. When I started watching the reruns of it years after it ended I was like yep these things definitely happened to me and that was so real, LOL. It made me reminisce.

OK Nominees Your Turn, so upon accepting this award please answer the questions below:

Musings of an Edacious Mind

Jodie

Exquisite Gemini

Mieka

Bora

Hyperion

Rachel

Kimberley

Kimomolab

Just Another Lost Girl

Deborah

  1. Dogs or cats?
  2. Favourite movie?
  3. Favourite actor?
  4. What type of music do you listen to?
  5. Are you scared of the dentist?
  6. Do you have any phobias?
  7. Fruit or vegetables?
  8. Do you have any allergies?
  9. Where in the world do you live?
  10. What is your favourite book?
  11. What is your favourite past or present tv program?

Day 17 of the #loveme Challenge

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One of the oldest things that feed my soul would have to be music! I am a huge music lover. I sing, play several different instruments including clarinet, xylophone, and some piano, and I write music. I also learned how to actually compose music as well when in high school but I am very much ¬†beginner at that. Music ignites my soul though. It calms me when I am at my breaking point and it fuels me when I need that extra bit to get through my day. It is always changing and never ceases to amaze me and I can listen to some songs on repeat all day long. I love all types of music from classical to rock; from country to grundge, I listen to it all. I listen to some rap but I am not really a fan of hard core rap. I cannot alway rap my mind around the severe cursing but I can enjo the beats. Even when I do not always like a song I can usually still find something about it I like. However, I usually prefer to listen to it on me of my devices so that I can manipulate the different aspects so if I don’t like the words so much I can turn down the treble and and not and turn up the bass and or increase the speed and so on. I enjoy this stuff. I could go on and on but the bottom line is music burns deep within me. It holds a special place in my heart and has healing powers for me. It reduces my anxiety and when I am struggling with my MG it helps me to relax, focus, and helps me control my symptoms.

Ripping Off The Band-Aid…Here Comes The RAW Emotions

1-20-2015 317 -my hair last year at this time 1-20-2015 242-my hair in its natural state (same length just curly)

Last night I cried…i allowed myself to just let the tears flow, not like a blubbering mess but just flow. I also allowed my husband try and comfort me which I have only allowed a handful of times since knowing him as I usually prefer the comfort of myself or females, lol. Anyways, I cried because that morning I looked in the mirror and my hair was nearly gone after straightening once I took out braids that had been in for a long time.

With MG I sometimes have trouble doing my daily rituals because of time or strength issues so I have to pick quick easy tools to help me.I got my hair put into braids because doing my hair puts a strain on my fine motor skills that needs to be saved for typing for work, brushing my teeth, and going to the loo (at work, since I have a bidet at home and other tools) and carrying many heavy items in a fitness and wellness capacity at work.

Well I did the braids too many times back to back between that,the MG, and stress, I have very super long strands,and very shorts, and well I look butchered. When I went to work I did not have time to think much about it. I made the best of it saying I want to cry but who has time and made a hair style I figured I could get away with yesterday. But by the end of the day I was so exhausted fidgeting with the hairband that kept falling off and the bun that could not hold b/c my hair was so thin that when I walked in the door and my husband asked how my day was I said, “my migraine has come back, my anxiety is up because I missed my workout and I have no hair” and began to cry! The worst part of him consoling me was and usually is, he is not always sure what to say. He sat me down and offered me water, and wished he could hit the lottery to find a cure or an awesome weave. I said I simply wanted my hair back. My hair is longer the parts that grew but it is not healthy. He sat with me and rub my head and my hands and had his head bowed. He looked as if he was blinking back tears himself which made it hard because I could tell it hurt him to see me so hopeless because I am always to strong and ready to come up with the next idea! After a few more moments of that and no real solution we decided on dinner and just watched television and talked. Then I set up the idock and we listened to my nature sounds so that I could hear a good thunderstorm last night.

However, I did buy some hair products (Sunday) and I will give it about 2 months. This was for my temples before I straightened my hair because I saw that my hair was thinning there first before I could see all the other damage. If I feel I see no improvement I will be cutting it because my hair usually bounces back fast from anything and though I have this disorder I cannot keep holding to ‘past’ if its not going to work. I will also try going to the dermatologist as well. But that is hard between all my routine dr. visits without taking off work. I have a dr. visit as it is about 1 a week if not 2-3 times a week. Pray for me because I definitely a ball of emotions, though we should not ‘be our hair’ we as people are attached to our hair. Men can say they are not until they begin to bald and hold on to it while it recedes into horrid shapes, but we all know the truth we love the hair we have nurtured most of our lives. Therefore, until we decide on our on accord to cut it, or style it a certain way we a most definitely hurt when things like this happens. I’m totally praying for peace!

Healing and Escapes

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We all need to find what works but as with every disorder, illness, and bit of stress we encounter we have to find a way to ease the pain or symptoms. Typically we can soothe the beast with with dissociation. I find that by calming the spirit or the mind with music or water is most helpful.

Water is known to have a so many healing properties and that is why there are spas everywhere but you do not need to spend loads of money to enjoy a spa experience. Even the sound of water such as a waterfall or stream is said to have therapeutic effects. We use water to reduce inflammation, increase circulation, and hydrate our bodies. Yet I use water to feel like I am flying. I have been a swimmer for as long as I can remember and I combine swimming and music now with my underwater music devices and now I swim longer even my scuba or snorkel gear and wish I could live underwater. I am weightless and it gives my joints and body relief and allows me mental freedom to just float and let all my stress float away as well.

Music also has healing properties. It has the power to make us feel! We can feel sad from a song about a lost love to happy about new love. We can feel inspired to keep trying not only through the music but by the words that are used in such an elegant and poetic way with the seamlessness of the music. You have to be selective though because music can make you feel…and that includes like I stated sad, angry, or negative. I use my music to push through a workout and to heal my soul when I feel at my lowest point. It helps to inspire me and uplift me. I tend to listen to a lot of neosoul, contemporary gospel, and upbeat R&B with a mix of Latin/ reggaeton at times. I LOVE to sing and dance, LOL.

There are also other outlets such as arts and crafts, ¬†that I participate in like crocheting, painting, and creating pottery. I also enjoy online gaming with friends and my husband. In addition, hanging out with family and friends helps ease my stress as I have an outlet to eat and be merry. It’s always good to have good times and hang out and not talk about “your disorder” and just enjoy life.

Find your healing and escape, we all need one sometimes!