I’m proud to say that my parents have no problem saying who their kids are! Some parents would shrink from their responsibilities as parents when they find they have to bend and blend with biological parents and children who have mental disorders. Then to top it all off add some drug addiction, criminal charges, and grand mistakes and behalf of all parties except the adopted parents and I can’t even understand how they did not crumble and run away screaming. Yet, every time someone asks how many kids they have, they always say 4 proudly.
Yes, one is in prison and by a mistake of his own. They have learned not to blame themselves finally. They have learned that he had decisions to make on his own. God gave him options to make as well. He was afforded all the same opportunities as the rest of us and they took special care with him as they did with me as he and I were not their birth children but their gifts to add to the two they did birth as my parents like to say. They did everything they knew to do for him and more and still do. I am proud of them for that. They still love him and him them.
I know that as much of a pain he may caused with the trouble he has gotten himself in, they still have some good times and laughs to look back on. I just think of his crooked smile and it makes me smile. My parents always included us the same as their birth children and we saw absolutely no difference. We call them mom and dad, brother, and sister. We enjoy it and know nothing else. My brother and sister (who are actually my cousins) treated us like the younger siblings, LOL. Yes, master…anything you say master! We were also their guinea pigs for many things…food projects, games, clothes, and so on. I remember my brother making some weird eggplant dish in high school and I had to eat some…yea still haven’t eaten eggplant since (just cannot).
My parents knew they would not hurt us though and we did too. As much as they grumbled about having to babysit and watch us like any teenager, they never let anyone else harm us. They always made sure we ate and were somewhat comfortable (even if that meant under someone else).
My parents are awesome! They acknowledge my biological parents.They understand the relationship that I needed to have with them. They accepted all the craziness that came with our lives and I commend them.It was never easy and they never thought it would be. They shed tears, prayed, shed more tears, laughed, and loved. They laugh and love as much as they can because it is the key to our life. I just cannot imagine my life without them in some form and I will be taking oodles of video of these people soon. I need to have it so it can be my ‘forever!’
One thing that is just for me- I’m not sure what this means so I feel it is definitely open to my own interpretation. I feel that one thing that is just for me is my meditation time. I would like to say it’s morning but my husband tends to fuddle that at times, lol. But my meditation time is my positive self talk time that I think about my day, prioritize how thinks are going to go and then I pray and give myself that positive pick me up for my day! I do not share that time with anyone else and I do not allow anyone else in that moment. I pray with my husband at meal times and if he wants to pray but that time is my time with the Lord. You can have family time with the Lord, but you still still individual time too. I share EVERYTHING else with this man, LOL. Whew that was hard to find something I didn’t share with him…I may be too giving, lol.
There are times that we feel most confident and then there are times that we are at our most vulnerable and sometimes for the silliest moments of doubt and we pray no one saw us jump at our shadow! I have to admit I have been having a few of these moments lately. Not the I have been watching scary movies and you walked up behind me and scared me to the moon and back moment but the did I see something peeking from around the corner of that wall just a second ago moment…(and more importantly did you see it too).
We all want to validated in these moments and then we feel better. However, when we are not we feel even more vulnerable, or dare I say off kilter. The worry comes from a bit of anxiety of past issues and not really trusting if I am getting better with my MG, my tracheal stenosis, and with my anemia, among other things. I start to wonder if these things are coming back when in fact they usually are not it is just stress playing tricks on my mind or causing me to have a slight exacerbated symptom for a short period and giving the illusion of such. For example, MG causes breathing or swallowing difficulties as it is so it can e hard to know if I am having an issue with tracheal stenosis or narrowing of the windpipe at that time which I had surgery to fix. I get nervous wondering if it was actually fixed. However, when I am calm my rational mind says, you have not had any real problems like before and you have been able to breathe just fine. It is like just your MG having a bit of a flare with stress and you have an appointment for your follow-up for the tracheal surgery next week so RELAX. But that is easier said than done, lol. But I have to have these little talks to help myself. I have to pray often. But sometimes I feel as though there is something creepy lurking around that corner just in my peripheral and I wonder if anyone else saw it! I just want someone else to say yeah, but then when it’s nothing I’m like you didn’t see anything so why did you say yes? LOL (but secretly I’m glad that they were on my side sometimes, hehehe! Luckily I know who to go to for the real truth and the bandwagon truth.