Blogger Habits

You are sitting in bed thinking about how you grew up and nicknames and how you got them and how crazy these names sound and how you have basically named everyone around you. How these are badges of honor.

Or the rant about people at work cannot just say certain things and to you they way they do or do certain things with certain expectations and you had some whimsical witty punchline.

 seinfeld annoyed sarcasm sarcastic george costanza GIF

Then there is the ever comical/ or serious moment that happens to you that you have been meaning to tell your blogger community and has just been slipping your mind or you have not had time for and you have wrote or re-wrote the story a million times in your head and yet to actually put it to paper (typed it).

 community joel mchale jeff winger donald glover troy barnes GIF

 community joel mchale jeff winger donald glover troy barnes GIF

I know I am not the only one who has this habit. I do this at least once a day when I do not actually blog. I actually talk out loud or nearly talk out loud the blog that I would have written that day. I think sometimes, what a missed opportunity to share with you all. Sometimes I get mad that I cannot remember that awesome punchline that seemed so great and I had perfectly in mind just moments before and could not get to my computer or paper in time. It just leaves me. I give it to you universe.

 girl pretty moving pule floating GIF

It’s like the novelist or poet. I just get so annoyed.

I know this can get better when I am not as stressed and when I just allow this to happen but I also know that with more regular practice like when I first  started blogging this is less of a frequent occurrence. I must get my mojo back.

 austin powers yeah baby yeah baby yeah GIF

1 Year ago today- Blogging Star

anniversary-2x.png

So maybe I’m not a blogging star but I have become a hero and star in my own right! I feel like I have accomplished more than I ever thought was possible by blogging. I feel like I have already written and finished a book from blogging alone. I mean I have already reached a international audience of people with my personal story and given you all an intimate look inside my zaney conscience and sub-conscience. I am truly surprised that some of you are still around after some of it, really I feel like sometimes someone better go fly fishing and hook me before I drift away. I mean I’m trying to coin the term #teamweird because I embrace the weirdness people. It’s who I am and I am okay with. Weird people make the world go round!

When I tell you I am I could not have made this journey without all you wonderful readers I mean it! You guys have read my good, bad, and FUNNY moments and responded with the most love and constructive criticism that a gal could EVER ask for! I have learned so much in my one year of blogging and yet I feel there is so much more to learn!

It is not only my outlet for emotion/ expression, but for my true art(s), networking, and learning and viewing other art. I especially love the aspect of just viewing other people’s art and ‘traveling’ at my fingertips and learning about the world through others’ blogs. It makes me want to just reach through the screen and tip myself into the postcard-like photos and relax in the tropics, mountains, rustic countryside, rollings hills, forests, and everything in between. I love the cityscapes and the busy shops and cobble stones and architecture. Then there are the historic aspects that you guys talk about so passionately. The libraries, museums, parks, homes, and restaurants, the culture.

I get to pick the brains of intelligent people across the world and learn more about my own field of study. I even get to learn about my disorder from people who have to people who are trying to cure it.

This last year I have had BLOG LUST and I love it! To everyone someone else’s life seems amazing no matter how boring to you it may seem. Once it is all on paper it may still yet seem boring but once you start writing about all the things you do daily and see, someone will ask the right questions that will open your world up and show you that your life is not as boring as it seems and you too will know that you need only look and life awaits!

 

Being an Eccentric Writer

Confessions of an Eccentric Bookaholic header.jpg

So I enjoy reading  books that you just know would give you the most fascinating account of the most ordinary moments in life. These are the ones who have a flair for the eccentric, in my mind. The ones that I live to meet. I enjoy how their brains work. How you may see a wall, but how J.K. Rowling saw a brick wall that could fold back into an archway of sorts and become another shopping center or place for wizards apart from and regular humans.

I enjoy the authors who are so worked up over their work that they are overprotective over it until it is printed and sometimes even then they are a bit secretive and dodgy because they have taken on anxious paranoia like their characters (or perhaps they were like this to begin with which is how the basis for how the book came to be blossomed).

I want the bitter, the turmoil, the playful competitive nature between authors, and the “sneaky one he is, I once knew that bugger”, or the, “she’s brilliant can’t wait to see her again” or he is someone I have admired since I was a child I can hardly wait to meet them”  moments. I do not need to be famous I would just love to have that inner sanctum talk, the ‘in- crowd’ galas and dinners where I get to further my career and entertain my readers by possibly making personality traits based off these people and seeing what comes out of my generator. I bet it would be amazing. Just seeing what comes out. That would be the psychology courses seeping through me again but I know it would be pure gold. Something like a game of clue but instead of a murder it would be a match the author to a book. My first questions to each author besides what/ who inspired them to write which you can probably find online is what is your biggest fantasy and what genre do you despise and why? This gives more insight into them I feel because we can see with a passion what they love but to understand why they then despise another genre gives you another side you may not know.

Moreover, to each author every situation just like with any normal person is just as they see it and interpret it. Someone else in the same situation may see it totally different. So when you add a FLARE to it of whimsical magic or deathly gore, you have to know it is going to be Wonderfully Amazing and Shocking Thrilling and everything in between. I just get goosebumps imagining myself like may father sitting in a room full of idols as he has done countless times and just hanging on their every word as I have watched him do. I mean to watch him attempt to be cool when in actuality I know the man is jumping up in down like a small child inside is hilarious. And doing things that only close friends or family would notice is hilarious (things that we would consider drooling over his idols without actually drooling of course). When he begins to do his intellectual droning on a subject out of nervousness or his many different laughs, hand shakes, or his questions that we all know will catapult a person into a series of long explanations on a subject because you have likely flattered them or it simply takes that long to explain, LOL. Yes, I observe these things in people and family alike.

I wonder how other writers will perceive me? Will I be the eccentric writer who has a need for something in their minds? I’m sure I will be. What that will be I have no idea. I am quite interested to know the gossip though I cannot let it run my life. I feel like Chrisette Michele’s song Super Chris which is why I call it my Anthem:

Don’t wake me up too early in the morning
I really need my tea, some watermelon please, so sweet
I got a problem with the break of dawning
A diva really does need her sleep
I’m brave I’m bold but first I need my TV
A little bit of news, a couple of cartoons, yes please
Check Instagram and all the twitter postings
I wonder what the world thinks of me

[Hook]
Am I a superstar
Is that who I are?
I’m a superstar
No not really though
Not really, not at all
I’m fierce
A super Chris
(Uh huh, I is, a Super duper Chris
I am, my best, I can only be Chris)

[Verse 2]
I’m insecure I’m really only normal
Some days I’m really cute, some days I’m really brutally not
Some days I’m free some days I’m really formal, yeah
Depending if the wind blows or stops, uh
Is it okay that I write what I think for a living?
Wouldn’t you say that my jobs pretty great, i think so
I like your song baby, I’ll sing along with one heart
Unity is why I make art, yeah

Writing is FUNdamental

download.jpg

Have you ever began a project and known it was gold but still had a plan A, B, or even C cooked up just in case something went awry? I’m not saying that could be the case with the book I am writing now but as it is developing more and more I keep waking up with more and more ideas for other books and some not related to the series I am currently working on.

It’s exciting and nerve racking all at once because I want to retain my faith and confidence in this book but I also want to possibly begin on something else just in case when I go to submit something to a publishing company/editor and they look at it, IF they have that moment where they say weeeeell do you have anything else at the moment this may not be the market for it. I mean I do understand that sometimes you have to push for it anyway but I also understand that you have to trust them to know and there is a fine line.

It all depends on how you feel once it’s done! Right now I wonder if I should create more than one at a time. I do not do it intentionally, more as a side note. As a few words come to me I go and type them in and leave it at that and go back to my main work. I wonder if this is normal. It doesn’t take long keeps me intrigued and keeps my element of fun in it. Any suggestions or thoughts out there?

Myasthenia Gravis And Writing My ART

I have learned lately that writing and Myasthenia may not always go hand and hand but the tricks to making them work are learning the advantages and capitalizing on them. I know for instance that my muscles in my fingers will fatigue and wear out on me after a bit of typing and since I have to type for work and for leisure and now for writing which is a bit of work and leisure I have to find a way around this hurdle.

So I type closer to the time just after taking medication, in the middle of the day when I am stronger, and I utilize my Dragon speech tool so I can give my fingers a break when I can and use my voice when it is stronger at times. I trade off since sometimes my voice may not always be strong.

I also have issues with vision having ptosis or droopy eyelids. This is another symptom of my Myasthenia Gravis and the strain from staring at the computer or up or just stress can cause my one or both eyelids to become heavy and droop. This is extremely annoying when you are on a roll typing. I mean I do not really need to see the keyboard all the time but sometimes it is helpful to see the screen, LOL. I also need to see the screen to make edits.

It can be a long editing day it I have ptosis, in fact I usually give up after a few minutes because the symptoms are usually only going to get worse until I can rest AND get medication.

My biggest ally in all of this is rest. This is a hard notion for me as I tend to like to burn the midnight oil when I am on a roll. If I feel like I have something going I do not want to let it go until I have completed that thought or section. But with MG, sometimes it will let me complete those thoughts and sometimes I will complete the thought and go back the next day to read it and it reads like a drunk toddler got hold of my laptop.

This is why I believe I have become more rushed and sensitive of my work. I want to get it done when I am feeling well in one sitting and have someone’s attention. Or I want to wait until I will be better in a few days/ week’s time to create a work that may have fewer errors. Granted grammar has never been my forte and I will tell anyone beforehand what my weaknesses are well BEFORE MG EVER started but when additional errors occur because of it sometimes I tend to take somethings to heart though I would never tell an editor that because I do not want them to feel sorry. I want them to do their job and I will sort out my feelings on my own! As long as they are respectful and giving me constructive criticism I will never ever fault an editor and I never have. I always get past my feelings for the improvement of the art that is my work.

Went = Perambulated

download (3).jpg

One of my readers/followers reminded me today that I need to brush of my thesaurus and beef up on my vocabulary. Though I have been receiving a lot of help from writers lately, what I have been trying o convey to them is that I have lost/ forgotten my vast vocabulary. I use to speak in an almost geeky jargon of scholarly intellectual form until I dated a particular person in college. This person was very important to me and so was their opinion. However, this person and their family and friends ‘teased’ me non stop about my verbiage. They would said who says opaque when you can just say black or dark trash bag? Seriously. I did it both unintentionally and intentionally because it was a coping mechanism when I was uncomfortable. Since it was all I had to fall back on when they spoke of things (experiences) I knew nothing about being much older than me. I was hurt though because instead of coming to my offense he was usually the first one to make the joke and therefore set the tone for others to make fun. His mother would make jokes but was usually the first to stop everyone else because she COULD actually see my discomfort.

Now I struggle to remember that lovely vocabulary and all the definitions. So i’m going through my my thesaurus apps and sprucing up new ways to say things but also while reading my books I enjoy seeing new ways to say the same message.

For example, I looked pretty sick this morning, my face was pale and I my hair was quite disheveled.

Yes, we can all imagine what that looks like because it is fairly common, but if I really want to grab your attention and kick it up a notch I may say something like:

Staring at my sallow countenance in the mirror I was morose to see that I had sweat through yet another t-shirt despite the air condition being on, and what is that mess of flattened, kinked, and knotted coils in severe disarray on top of my head?

I’m working on it though because I know I can do better!

images (2).jpg hahaha j/k  S.H.I.T. (So Happy It’s Thursday)

 

I Hate Editing, but I Must!

download (2).jpg

So this was a problem I started to have while in my second round of grad school. When I was receiving that ‘much needed’ second masters in my mind I began to hate reading over my work that I had written for errors and editing it for several reasons.

  1. The was a center for editing and though it was not perfect, if you turned it in early enough it did the work for you and you barely had to edit anything.
  2. The papers would become so long that after about 10 pages I seriously got tired of hearing my own voice out loud and reading my own work over and over.
  3. I wanted the one work to be over with already. When you see something for too long you stop seeing the errors and sometimes the ‘smart’ processors, computers, and other technology we use no longer see the issues either until YOU can look at it with fresh eyes and say wait that was not the word I meant write there. (boy I have even seen that several times in my short stories lately when others have been helping me and lately and I have been both ashamed and embarrassed).
  4. I am just not good at correcting grammatical errors. I am NOT NOT NOT! I do not choose to change this. I learn a little each time I write but not enough to memorize or get it right and each time I think I have something down, it seems as if it was only a exception not the rule. UGH!
  5. And finally, I just get over excited sometimes. I sometimes think I have a perfect work or a work that is just ready to go because I have worked so hard on it and I have totally forgotten the editing process because I have been working so long or hard on it and just want to get it out there. Despite how important editing is and that can kill you every time. People will stop reading your work if it becomes to hard to read from spelling or grammatical errors, or worse yet you simply left out or placed the wrong word when you meant something totally different. That can change the whole temperament of the piece.

All issues I must overcome to become a better writer even if I hire editors! You need to be able to do this job so that you are able to trust them that much more to edit your pieces and know they are doing an amazing job. I will become a better writer and EDITOR.

Writing laterally-Help!

SO last week I hit a writing hurdle. I struggle with dialogue. I can describe a scene in great detail like you would tell an actor or give them direction (almost like a screen play perhaps) but I am not great with creating dialogue. I know how it should go but when I have to actually write it I become to repetitive and lose vocabulary creativeness and feel muted and frustrated. I hate constantly saying he said, she said, I said, They said. etc. I see why there are more modern books that write a whole chapter from the point of view of one character, then the next chapter is from the other/ another character’s POV. It’s easier to be a bit more creative.

So when I hit this wall it made me feel a bit more unexcited about how to make my book flow naturally and I began doing more research which I must do anyway instead of keeping the true creative part and writing chunks of my book. I have begun a lateral process instead of moving forward.

Moreover, I have struggled with telling my reader the story 99% of the time instead of showing them the story. Once again it’s like you want to put people in the scene with you and not assume everyone around you knows what is going on without giving so much detail that you are boring them. You still have to leave ‘white space’ or gaps for them to feel as if there is something left for the imagination to do some work and interpret on their own. You do not want to spoon feed them that YOUR creativity in that line. This should not be hard for me as I have never had an issue with this in my poetry or blogs, but in my book I am struggling because I feel added pressure.

Is this natural? Should I have the same feeling that I have when I write poetry and blogs to accomplish the book? I get that I should write prompts and practice dialogues and scenes and such more often even if not daily but are my feelings valid? I am getting quite anxious which is anything but what I wanted to feel writing this book, it was fun and now it’s kinda not as fun.

Dr. Amnesia- Draft 2

Here is a prompt from Pixie Annie that I am trying…

You are in the waiting room at the doctor’s surgery when the guy sitting next to you, collapses on the floor. Everyone else in the room stands and stares, all the doctors are busy with emergencies…over to you.

 

I have never seen a more haggard and disheveled group of individuals. The woman across from me was in her pajamas with a bathrobe and a scarf sitting in a wheelchair moaning incomprehensively about rabbits and astronauts. The man to my left smelled strongly of booze and he was drooling on my shoulder covered in dirt and what appeared to be blood from where I couldn’t tell and wait! What now? I cannot believe this, this guy just collapsed beside me!

This couldn’t have been a longer day…I’ve been up since 4am working out in the freaking elements, where high winds were stinging my eyes and whipping the sheets of rain across my face like sand. Unfortunately, my job goes on and I was found pulling weeds, mulching flowerbeds, cutting grass with a small machine since a big riding one would leave ruts and divots with this rain, and building one gaudy overpriced pond in the middle of a four acre estate. I mean seriously who still does that. I was waiting all day for my boss to call us in for the day, but no such luck. Then, because it was just my luck, I land myself in the hospital because I got hit in the head (don’t ask me how because I honestly do not know), which is bleeding pretty significantly as head wounds tend to do, and can’t remember anything more.

Now this guy has collapsed and I feel as if I know something about him that should help but I’m not completely sure. No one is really paying attention so I try a few things. First, I look at him, he looks like any other Asian guy except I can possibly guess his age.

I nudge the alcoholic. “Do you know this man?”

“Yes”, he says, “li, li me lone.”

He chuckles passes something from hand to hand a small machine and goes back to sleep.

That seems a bit weird but some people are like that. I touch his arm and see if he moves, nothing happens. Everyone in the rooms is still staring or otherwise preoccupied with their own lives and therefore too busy to help.  I try again.

“Um excuse me ma’am, but did you see anyone come in with this man?”

“IF THE DAMN RABBITS FLEW THEN THIS WOULD NOT BE AN ISSUE OF NATIONAL SECURITY AND THE ASTRONAUTS WOULD NOT BE NEEDED IN THE GROUND” screamed disheveled woman

“Right!” I said. And she turned dropped something on the floor the skidded toward another patient.

I’m thinking this is a negligence lawsuit waiting to happen.

The man stayed there like that for another 30 minutes and before I knew it he started to come around just after a quiet lady in the corner made a strange noise that sounded like a cross between a sigh and a whistle like she was missing teeth while sighing too hard. Was it that easy to heal him, Was this part of her ailment, why she was here. I didn’t care. I almost want her to whistle closer to my head. Everyone sort of sat back down over time and the doctors still ignored the man. Eventually a nurse came over and checked on him and took him to the back. Then it was finally my turn. Unfortunately, the sigh whistler didn’t heal me I still couldn’t remember a thing! As I was being rushed along I noticed the small item that was skidded across the floor in her hands, I was glad she was going to give it back to the lady, though in her state she probably did not even notice.

Fast forward 3 months later…

I started to get my memory back and sorted through all my things and belongings after getting out of the hospital.

“Sir, the con artist targeted you when you walked into the hospital. He overheard your symptoms at check-in and used that time to pickpocket you and steal your wallet and insert all his information with his team of criminals in the hospital — those staring bystanders who didn’t help” said the FBI and Homeland Security Agents who took turn telling me about what happened. “They are part of a professional crime ring that make fake ids and sell or use them for their own gains and it only takes 15-30 minutes.” They continued.

As if being in a hospital for 3 months not knowing who you are wasn’t bad enough, then you wake up and remember only to be unsure when you want to know return home to find such a mess. Who would want to come home to outrageous bills, maxed out credit cards, and luxury trips that you never took. Explaining this to creditors, banks, insurance, and the security companies is not easy when you first have to convince them that you were also in the hospital and that you were under the wrong name because you had partial retrograde amnesia (hey I could remember how to speak, eat, walk, and so on so I wasn’t a complete case here people).

Though I still had to pay some of the things, some companies allowed me some grace due to proof of the hospital bills and pictures from the hospitals now required when you check-in with the new Epic system. Unfortunately, it still ruined my credit. I wanted vengeance. It came sooner than I thought…

My first day back to work my boss called me to a new home to create a waterfall feature in a pond, with both a zen and rock garden with bamboo accents. This was going to take all day. I was also praying I didn’t en up with another head injury.

At the last minute the owner came out (which usually doesn’t happen since everything is usually done through contracts with the boss).

“Hello, your work has exceeded expectations; however, I have one more requests that I will gladly pay more for, could you please add cherry blossom trees along the walkway?” Asked the owner.

When I saw the man’s face I instantly recognized him as the con artist. He didn’t seem to recognize me, the mark of a constant con artist.

“I will call one of my workers from one of the other locations to bring over the saplings right away,” I calmly stated, keeping my composure.

In actuality, I called homeland security, who involved the FBI and the local police because they had been looking for this individual for quite some time. Indeed justice was served. I felt like Scooby Doo and the gang foiling his plans when he came out in cuffs and then several other members whose faces I’d seen in the hospital that fateful night followed him as well. I knew they’d be going down at least for my case.

When questioned later, I had one question for the con man.

“How did you end up calling the landscaping company I worked for?” I asked.

“I called the landscaping company I found in my wallet which I had kept as a memento from a wallet I had stolen from while back. However, I would have remembered the name if it was you, but it had your boss’s name on it, so I decided to give them a try. If you are going to lead two lives you really have to lock one away while the other exists or the two can get confused as they did here.” Says the con man.

I just reply, “Or it can simply be karma.”

My Wonderful Followers

images (1).jpg

Yesterday I posted about feedback in one’s writing career and depression. Who would have thought that the two topics would have seemed to merge into an overwhelming response of feedback of positive responses of support and information of how to’s, try this, similar experiences, internet hugs, and cheery smiles and messages to make me smile. The out pour of support was just so amazing. I was not expecting it and yet it was there.

I was offered free advice on how to creatively write better through daily prompts, and even offered some prompts (thank you ladies and gents I so appreciate it because I did not know where to begin and I truly appreciate it), I was offered free hypnosis (which I may take you up on this, lol), I was offered smiles and hugs which I take graciously because they are contagious and make me smile and feel so warm and fuzzy.

I enjoy the opportunity to share with you all because you make me feel like I am being HEARD! You care about what I have to say because you not only read it but some of you have been through it before and can relate to it. It makes my writing have a purpose. It makes my writing come to life. It does what I do everyday in life for my mother and brother, I advocate…I advocate for writers, for justice, for love for so many things, but I especially advocate for those who have health or mental health issues.

Thank you to all my followers who have shown me support especially during the last few weeks. Your support is one the reasons I have continued to flourish!