Black Twitter shows us how it’s done. — Not sure why this has to be ‘Black’ twitter but it was hilarious none the less.
I cannot believe I have been so busy I have actually gone weeks without talking to you guys. Now that is amazing! It’s like me going 2 days without talking. I say 2 because somehow in life I actually made 1 whole day in my life without talking once, I was completely and utterly distraught. Anyways, in this time frame I have finalized personal decisions that will change my life forever, gone to Europe to and had a ball, and managed to come home to feel strangely foreign.
We officially closed a facility I worked at for nearly a decade with was emotionally draining to me. It really was hard for me as I was the only original staff member left. With that said there are other opportunities arising internally and externally that may change the dynamics forever. I already do not feel I fit in with the newer staff at the new facility but with the internal opportunity I am not sure how this will work. I feel as if we are sort of bonding some days and other not. Maybe I just really needed my vacation and to loosen up.
However, the external one has me leaving my comfort zone all together. We shall see.
Then there was Europe! —a brief synopsis as there will be a whole few blogs dedicated with pictures to just Europe!
I was like a Cheshire cat. We all were. Though I did not get to see all the things in France I wanted to I guess it just means I have to go back one day. I did get to see everything in London I wanted too. I literally LOST my smile in London. My MG kicked in and after smiling so much I literally thought I was smiling in one of my pictures and there was not even a hint. I laughed so hard later when I could smile I cried. I actually have the evidence as it was when I went the Warner Brother Studios and saw the ‘Making of Harry Potter’ and you go to see the Set where it was all done. Yes I am such a geek and it’s another thing off my bucket list!
However, with all the change and the timing of it almost being the end of September, I have to create a new annual bucket list and there were things I obviously did not finish on the last one that I may try to see if I can squeeze in before the end of the week! It may indeed be a busy week for me. I see at least 4 more things I can do before the end of this month and 3 that I can do without being reprimanded by someone that loves me (saying that I am doing too much as I am in a bit of a weakened state right now).
Annual Bucket List: 2016
Do a local bike race
get yoga mat/basic training
Visit wizarding world of Harry Potter
Read 50 books
Buy a Go Pro
Go Sky Diving
Go to a State I have not been to before
Go to 5th Cirque Du Soliel Performance
Throw Pottery (as in make my on pottery)
Decorate my house for fall
Decorate my house for Christmas
Take a romantic trip with my husband
Volunteer with a charity monthly
Take a culinary class
Go swimming (you would be amazed that since being diagnosed with MG I have not swam once because I have started to have fear that it would become over exterted and not be able to get out of the water….says the former lifeguard and scuba certified person)
Be sling shot (it a weird bungee course thing that looks like a giant sling shot)
Go to Canada
Master Bucket List
Write a book- I have started
Have a baby/ adopt a child
Create a Charity
Run a business
Travel overseas like a nomad (England, France, Italy, etc)
Go to Disneyland
Go to a bioluminscent bay
Have my music music produced and perform it
Help Find a Cure for MG
Go to Alaska- see the Northern Lights
Pose for a sexy calendar
Tomorrow there will be loads of my pics to share! Get ready, touching them up now as we speak!
The game this upcoming weekend is sold out! Normally I would have been like OMG what but then again you guys know the planner I am…this would have never happened to me because I would have had my tickets the moment they went on sale, LOL. No I knew I would not be able to go months ago due to this being the weekend before my trip and having to house sit, dog sit, and work on Saturday, LOL. So yea wasn’t gonna happen. But I will be blasting the game and cheering right along side my team!
We are the UNDAUNTED!
Get ‘EM Boys!
It seemed like everything I did or said went sour yesterday and it spilled right into today no matter how much I tried to prepare for today ahead of time. I tried to have things ready in advance for today since I get up before dawn on Wednesdays and this week I am house sitting further from my job.
I was not amused by the little invisible mischievous creatures wreaking havoc on my life yesterday and this morning. Making everything go haywire. It was like there were gremlins mucking up the hardware of my tech systems or something. Yesterday started with my parents trying to leave for their trip and I was uber sleepy because I went to bed late and then woke up early with them (I sleep really light). As I was getting dressed I kept staggering and swaying…Lack of nutrition (no appetite for 3 days, sick to my stomach).
Then I got up and went to work in traffic that I usually do not drive in and thought I was going to die. Not because it was traffic but because I had not been in that sort of traffic in so long that I almost forgot how to drive in it and felt like I was going to DIE. People kept trying to merge on me and then I almost cowered and lost it. Mentally I was not prepared for it.
I got to work and wanted to kiss the ground. I started working immediately head down. My boss sensed something was off but said nothing. I knew he sensed it because he kept asking if I was good. He kept assigning me stuff and I would knock it out in less than an hour and ask if he needed anything else, I was a machine! I just wanted to keep my mind off my durn stomach screaming at me and the black spots before my eyes.
I shot of a silly text, it was met with a mixed (seemingly frustrated reply). Hmmm. I texted BFF about how I physically felt (black spots, stomach, maybe I should go to the doc…) She nearly yelled at me. I was more talking out loud with no intention of going because I felt like if got more sleep my body would have handled this better (forget food, I was hydrated) I know, stupid! But I have been too stressed to eat and 1000 calories in 3 days was still sustaining somehow.
I went to the locker room and blacked out and scared the crap out of myself. I knew it was bad. So I came out, and told the staff what they need to know…I would go eat a banana, LOL. Not that I blacked out. I went and got a yogurt instead with fresh berries and granola 6oz. It was all I could stomach. This was 1:30p. It helped. Then at 8:30p I ate a chicken 60z of chicken salad wrapped in lettuce.
My doctor will not be happy that I lost 9lbs in a week today. Not this way. It was not intentional. They do not want me to swing drastically before surgeries. UGH. Due to not eating I’ve been extra moody and sensitive…We’ll call it HANGRY! Then when you are already dealing with other stressors in your life that I would rather not talk about but are pretty harassing yesterday I had no shining light and was fairly ignored. So I read my books, played with my dogs, and as usual entertained myself. Sadly it was the first time in a long time I can say I have had a really bad day!
Then this morning it was bad from the moment I woke up and look at my phone and realized I could hardly see it. My durn eyes were swollen from allergies, I forgot to take my allergy drops before bed last night. I could go on and on about all the small bad things that happened that I noticed but the good things are there and will continue
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YESTERDAY AND TODAY
I WILL HAVE A GOOD DAY…Because I never ALLOW 2 days in a row of BAD!
There was always something in there
Though others may not see it
Shining like diamonds
Sparkling brighter when you are up to something
That smile so contagious
That laugh seems to be the most…
limitless weapon in your arsenal aside from the
magnitude of love you possess;
owning all that you are in stride
Everyone has dreams that they wish they could just live inside of, even those dreams that they feel guilty they had but still did not want to end. I can honestly say the only time I feel guilty about my dreams now are because I of what was suppose to be and did not come to pass and where I want to be.
However, I am honestly (as I said just a few days ago) getting back to happy. I just cannot keep allowing others to make me feel so trapped and closed in, stifled and suffering while they somehow get pleasure and I don’t.
My dreams have always been both an escape and a warning/lesson. they tend to passively remind and teach me the things that I do not want to see or learn when I am awake. Moreover, my dreams are an escape into the great possibilities that can be when I just let myself drift and stop fighting.
Even if sometimes they do get a little weird…that just makes it more interesting because usually it doesn’t even seem weird until I really think about it a few days later. Usually weird seems perfectly normal to me. I enjoy a weird life! #teamweird
What do you see in the picture above? Is it an alien life form? A strange light or substance out in space? Some new life form found in the vast depths of our oceans? Or a child’s drawing perhaps?
You would be wrong on all counts!
It’s the neural synapses within the brain magnified greatly to show the activity within the brain. So let’s literally charge the brain!
So I consider myself very creative and imaginative. I have always found myself to be a big dreamer and over the years I have let that become a bit muted. I think sometimes that adulthood and corporate life can do that to you. The dull humdrums can do that to anyone, but it is our duty as dreamers and creative believers to find ways to break from that reality and shake things up. To keep ourselves from feeling chained down and ready to burst.
I get overly anxious and feel as if I am stuck too often and think why is this happening and I know it is not because I have a disorder that is ‘holding me back’ but because I have allowed excuses to form on why I cannot enjoy new and alternate forms of things in my spare time that my disorder has nothing to do with. I let people and thoughts hold me back.
This is not who I am, but what I have become because I started ‘caring’ what others thought of me. Thinking, ‘what will he/she think if I go and do this?” or “wear that?” or “if I just what if I went to this event?” But I just do not care anymore! I am who I am and here to enhance my learning, love, excitement about life and love for myself, family, and live. Just because people do not think it is “Christian enough” for them tough cookies because I that is between me and God and honestly people twist the Bible so much that most of the things they say I shouldn’t do over the years I learned was a crock! I was just missing out for no reason at all.
I must do what makes me happy, I have a pretty good moral compass and if I feel bad, guilty about it chances are that it is wrong and I should stop it or will repent for it. I know when too much is too much. Until then I have got to begin anew. For me the ‘new’ started with all my great news Monday at my doctor’s visit and will continue with my Trip to Europe in 2 weeks. As well as the much needed days off I hope to have sprinkled in here and there since I have vacation accrued that I must take before the end of the year since we are moving to a new PTO structure next year within my organization. Again, change is good, I refuse to think of it any other way. As I eat with my 4 prong for that just became a 3 prong one, LOL. At least I didn’t suck it down my throat!