I SURVIVED!

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I am always pushing myself to new limits, this is just my nature. I cannot help myself. It’s just something in me that says I cannot rest until I have tried to go a little bit further in something, though what that something is for that hour,day, week, or year is always changing. So my current goal is revving my fitness level back up since it plummeted due to many health setbacks last year. I had to put it on hold to get my myasthenia gravis into a stable condition, then a crazy series of kidney stones. Now that everything seems to be stable and good with all my tests for over a year now I am slowly reintroducing exercise.

The doctors never said that I had to stop; however, when you start exercising and it lands you in the hospital or in treatment 1-3 days later, you know it is probably not time yet. So I started by ramping the cardio up slowly in January by adding a second job. I know that sounds stupid but it involved a lot of walking, bending, and lifting. I figured it would definitely boost my levels a bit and boy did it. The job was not that intense per se but for someone who had become nearly sedentary in the last 7 month prior my body immediately reacted. The first few weeks I sweat like two fat women wrestling over a ham sandwich on a Sunday in the 100 degree sun on a pig farm. I mean it was ridiculous, and this was in the winter. I was training with this poor guy who was probably looking at me like is she sick? Is she going to pass out? (I did find out 2 weeks later that I was sick though, LOL–I had a respiratory infection, but that was beside the point) But I refused to slow down or slow him down so I kept his pace, though I slowed him down anyway. He assured me this was normal as I was learning. I could tell he was being super nice.

I downloaded an app on my smartphone so that I could track my walking activity and see how active I was. I wanted to know how active I had become but to also motivate me to walk more when I saw that I was close to a particular step count or goal. Yes I still sweat some nights when I work my second job but nowhere NEAR as much as those first few weeks. My body has adjusted. So now I have to crank up the intensity and the distance. I have been able to go longer without incidence and been just fine as well. So I bought a spin bike and it came Monday. I use to spin all the time before this hiatus. SO now that I have one at home I am stoked. I started last night thinking with my MG it is probably best that I do this at night for now so that if anything happens at least it is the end of the day and I can go to sleep and recover for the next day. I feel like right now with everything that I go through if I did it at the beginning of the day, and a surprise thing popped onto my schedule I would not have the energy to do it because I used it up exercising. I do not want to spread myself that thin and cause harm. It was ad enough that after I finished exercising I felt extreme nausea because I felt like I was STARVING and I only spun for 30 minutes. I drank water during my workout and I did not push too hard and felt fine during but 10 minutes later I felt like I could puke because I was so hungry. As soon as I put something in my belly I felt better. I obviously did not plan my meals well yesterday for exercise and it told on me.

But I did make myself keep my exercise lowkey and slow and I survived the SLOW pace and was happy with that. I spun for 30 minutes and though I really wanted to go higher than 11mph avg I did get in 6 miles. I am so used to more but again I need to remember SLOW. I do not need a hospital stent right now. I have a trip to gear up for and I want no setbacks. Plus right now I am trying fr a possible 16 weeks no treatment I’m just over 10.5 now.  I got this with help I hope. For now, I have survived and I thank God for that!

–About the picture– my sense of humor can be a bit morbid at times. This is literally what I said to myself after I laid on the floor after exercising and before I heaved myself up to attempt to stretch and foam roll.

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Getting Ready for PLAYTIME

So if you have been following me for some time you know that I am going to Europe soon. It has been pushed back to the fall but we have now set a date in September. I am excited because, well the date has been set. However, that also means that I must physically get ready. Being that I have MG I have to do some special things. Though it is not all that different from things that normal people do before the summer or other seasonal things; I have to get my body in shape.

I have not been able to exercise in months due to several huge setbacks last years and I now that I can I have to do it so slow that it ANNOYS me with every grain of my being. I am just not one for the SLOW beginnings thing when it comes to something I know how to do. SO I bought a spin bike for my house last week and it arrived yesterday. It weighs over a 100 lbs and I put it together all by myself. I am quite proud of that fact because I have always been quite handy but with MG my fine motor movement has been greatly diminished due to the fatigued f my muscular ability over time. SO with many breaks I did finish it. Though had this been 3 years ago I probably would have done it probably 3 times faster.

Also with the sheer weight of it, I had not lifted that much for so long repeatedly in a very long time and I was quite proud of myself. I was quite sure I was going to drop it at some point and was glad that I did not. Again I took many breaks and I got it together.

Now, I enjoy teaching spin class but I have to get myself revved back up to that point by re-gaining my cardiovascular ability. I started the whole process by walking more and that has helped. But maybe not as much as I should, my app does not accurately show steps as much as it shows forward motion in steps like a gps. So if you are standing still stepping or stepping less than 26 inches or whatever the step gait is, it won’t count it. So I know I am getting shafted on my steps per day, especially when I am working out, vacuuming, and so on. However, right now my main goal is just trying to get moving so I will take it. However, I will have to give in and by a fitbit so that I am getting more accurate measurements because that is quite annoying when I know I am getting those steps and it is not being shown and my cardio is getting better (though I know that should be the only thing that matters, lol).

The bike was bought for many reasons though, I cannot always make it to a pool, or pay for one which is my favorite method of exercise. Moreover, it is quite tiresome and I cannot use all my energy in one shot. So I got the bike. I can sit and ride and it’s my second favorite form of exercise. I love spin. I take it to the max. I love the varied intensities and sweat you can work up.  I wear my heart monitor too. I also like that I can watch t.v. if I want, lol. When I swam I could only listen to my music (as I had an underwater pouch for my ipod). I have to get my cardio up so I can walk for hours and in Europe, most everything is walking, biking, and hiking. Though you can take taxis, it can get pretty pricey. I also don’t walk to slow my family down taking breaks ALL the time. Though they understand and are prepared to take a break here and there for food and so on. Who wants to break every 1-2 hours because I cannot keep up. And if you are walking with my Aunt or Dad it may be less than that because they are speed walkers so I have to get my stamina back up to walk like them again. I am/use to be quite a fast walker naturally because of my dad. So I have to make sure I do not pass out trying to do it again especially accounting or altitude, weather, hills, and just plain on exercise. I just want to be ready to PLAY.

Being a health professional I know it only takes 10 days to ‘lose’ your cardio stamina that you build up however, it can take a bit of time to build it up. It does not take all the time that I am giving myself; however, having MG I do not want to take chances on how long I will need. Slow and steady wins this race and at 10 weeks with no treatment and going for 16 weeks. I will not allow anyone to get in my way!

Over a Year! No Problem!

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I was asked the other day how I was doing and my usual response was I’m GREAT! I have been making sure that I give a better answer than good or okay. I want to give people the impression that you can be something other than the normal at any given time. But when I looked at this person and remembered they were someone who knows me a bit better than the average person and she gave me that look like really..how are you? I thought a bit more about it and said I really am amazing! I have not had a true MG episode that has hospitalized me in well over a year. My last MG hospitalization was January 2015. And it was actually due to a virus that quickly became way more in the form of an intubation and respiratory pneumonia in less than 36 hours. Truly one of the scariest moments of my life. So to think that this was the longest since having MG I have gone without hospitalization and that I can now go 3 months without treatment is really amazing.

I thought after my first few crisis moments. I would never be able to travel again or be able to have a really normal life despite what people said because I was glued to medication and treatments and hospitals. They said everyone was different and mine form of MG was so severe and did not follow anyone else’s trend that I was worried I would never have any sort of freedom. It still does not follow anyone’s trend which is still a tricky thing but it is fine because I have come to embrace that and enjoy that I still get to have a life. I am stable and happy!

Granted I still have days where I am super tired and I am definitely over-worked some days it’s just all about balance and learning limitations. When I am doing too much, my body tells me and I have to learn how to accommodate that and adjust or I suffer greatly and that can mean a huge setback that I am not willing to sacrifice. So before that can happen I will cut back on the unnecessary things. This may not mean no worries for the rest of my days but it’s as close to it as I can get!

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Being an Eccentric Writer

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So I enjoy reading  books that you just know would give you the most fascinating account of the most ordinary moments in life. These are the ones who have a flair for the eccentric, in my mind. The ones that I live to meet. I enjoy how their brains work. How you may see a wall, but how J.K. Rowling saw a brick wall that could fold back into an archway of sorts and become another shopping center or place for wizards apart from and regular humans.

I enjoy the authors who are so worked up over their work that they are overprotective over it until it is printed and sometimes even then they are a bit secretive and dodgy because they have taken on anxious paranoia like their characters (or perhaps they were like this to begin with which is how the basis for how the book came to be blossomed).

I want the bitter, the turmoil, the playful competitive nature between authors, and the “sneaky one he is, I once knew that bugger”, or the, “she’s brilliant can’t wait to see her again” or he is someone I have admired since I was a child I can hardly wait to meet them”  moments. I do not need to be famous I would just love to have that inner sanctum talk, the ‘in- crowd’ galas and dinners where I get to further my career and entertain my readers by possibly making personality traits based off these people and seeing what comes out of my generator. I bet it would be amazing. Just seeing what comes out. That would be the psychology courses seeping through me again but I know it would be pure gold. Something like a game of clue but instead of a murder it would be a match the author to a book. My first questions to each author besides what/ who inspired them to write which you can probably find online is what is your biggest fantasy and what genre do you despise and why? This gives more insight into them I feel because we can see with a passion what they love but to understand why they then despise another genre gives you another side you may not know.

Moreover, to each author every situation just like with any normal person is just as they see it and interpret it. Someone else in the same situation may see it totally different. So when you add a FLARE to it of whimsical magic or deathly gore, you have to know it is going to be Wonderfully Amazing and Shocking Thrilling and everything in between. I just get goosebumps imagining myself like may father sitting in a room full of idols as he has done countless times and just hanging on their every word as I have watched him do. I mean to watch him attempt to be cool when in actuality I know the man is jumping up in down like a small child inside is hilarious. And doing things that only close friends or family would notice is hilarious (things that we would consider drooling over his idols without actually drooling of course). When he begins to do his intellectual droning on a subject out of nervousness or his many different laughs, hand shakes, or his questions that we all know will catapult a person into a series of long explanations on a subject because you have likely flattered them or it simply takes that long to explain, LOL. Yes, I observe these things in people and family alike.

I wonder how other writers will perceive me? Will I be the eccentric writer who has a need for something in their minds? I’m sure I will be. What that will be I have no idea. I am quite interested to know the gossip though I cannot let it run my life. I feel like Chrisette Michele’s song Super Chris which is why I call it my Anthem:

Don’t wake me up too early in the morning
I really need my tea, some watermelon please, so sweet
I got a problem with the break of dawning
A diva really does need her sleep
I’m brave I’m bold but first I need my TV
A little bit of news, a couple of cartoons, yes please
Check Instagram and all the twitter postings
I wonder what the world thinks of me

[Hook]
Am I a superstar
Is that who I are?
I’m a superstar
No not really though
Not really, not at all
I’m fierce
A super Chris
(Uh huh, I is, a Super duper Chris
I am, my best, I can only be Chris)

[Verse 2]
I’m insecure I’m really only normal
Some days I’m really cute, some days I’m really brutally not
Some days I’m free some days I’m really formal, yeah
Depending if the wind blows or stops, uh
Is it okay that I write what I think for a living?
Wouldn’t you say that my jobs pretty great, i think so
I like your song baby, I’ll sing along with one heart
Unity is why I make art, yeah

Writing is FUNdamental

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Have you ever began a project and known it was gold but still had a plan A, B, or even C cooked up just in case something went awry? I’m not saying that could be the case with the book I am writing now but as it is developing more and more I keep waking up with more and more ideas for other books and some not related to the series I am currently working on.

It’s exciting and nerve racking all at once because I want to retain my faith and confidence in this book but I also want to possibly begin on something else just in case when I go to submit something to a publishing company/editor and they look at it, IF they have that moment where they say weeeeell do you have anything else at the moment this may not be the market for it. I mean I do understand that sometimes you have to push for it anyway but I also understand that you have to trust them to know and there is a fine line.

It all depends on how you feel once it’s done! Right now I wonder if I should create more than one at a time. I do not do it intentionally, more as a side note. As a few words come to me I go and type them in and leave it at that and go back to my main work. I wonder if this is normal. It doesn’t take long keeps me intrigued and keeps my element of fun in it. Any suggestions or thoughts out there?

Myasthenia Gravis And Writing My ART

I have learned lately that writing and Myasthenia may not always go hand and hand but the tricks to making them work are learning the advantages and capitalizing on them. I know for instance that my muscles in my fingers will fatigue and wear out on me after a bit of typing and since I have to type for work and for leisure and now for writing which is a bit of work and leisure I have to find a way around this hurdle.

So I type closer to the time just after taking medication, in the middle of the day when I am stronger, and I utilize my Dragon speech tool so I can give my fingers a break when I can and use my voice when it is stronger at times. I trade off since sometimes my voice may not always be strong.

I also have issues with vision having ptosis or droopy eyelids. This is another symptom of my Myasthenia Gravis and the strain from staring at the computer or up or just stress can cause my one or both eyelids to become heavy and droop. This is extremely annoying when you are on a roll typing. I mean I do not really need to see the keyboard all the time but sometimes it is helpful to see the screen, LOL. I also need to see the screen to make edits.

It can be a long editing day it I have ptosis, in fact I usually give up after a few minutes because the symptoms are usually only going to get worse until I can rest AND get medication.

My biggest ally in all of this is rest. This is a hard notion for me as I tend to like to burn the midnight oil when I am on a roll. If I feel like I have something going I do not want to let it go until I have completed that thought or section. But with MG, sometimes it will let me complete those thoughts and sometimes I will complete the thought and go back the next day to read it and it reads like a drunk toddler got hold of my laptop.

This is why I believe I have become more rushed and sensitive of my work. I want to get it done when I am feeling well in one sitting and have someone’s attention. Or I want to wait until I will be better in a few days/ week’s time to create a work that may have fewer errors. Granted grammar has never been my forte and I will tell anyone beforehand what my weaknesses are well BEFORE MG EVER started but when additional errors occur because of it sometimes I tend to take somethings to heart though I would never tell an editor that because I do not want them to feel sorry. I want them to do their job and I will sort out my feelings on my own! As long as they are respectful and giving me constructive criticism I will never ever fault an editor and I never have. I always get past my feelings for the improvement of the art that is my work.

What Famous Writer Are You?

MARK TWAIN

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Always paying attention to the nuances of those around you, your writing is probably less focused on the abstract and more tuned in to what goes on in your everyday life.  You are probably a gifted storyteller who keeps nearly everyone entertained with your wit and observation skills.  Making money is not as important to you, as your greatest reward is simply the joy of others enjoying what you’ve written.

This was a fun personality quiz that I did from one of my Follower’s/ Reader’s pages and I enjoyed it greatly. I found it pretty accurate, give it a try!

See what famous writer you are? 

Went = Perambulated

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One of my readers/followers reminded me today that I need to brush of my thesaurus and beef up on my vocabulary. Though I have been receiving a lot of help from writers lately, what I have been trying o convey to them is that I have lost/ forgotten my vast vocabulary. I use to speak in an almost geeky jargon of scholarly intellectual form until I dated a particular person in college. This person was very important to me and so was their opinion. However, this person and their family and friends ‘teased’ me non stop about my verbiage. They would said who says opaque when you can just say black or dark trash bag? Seriously. I did it both unintentionally and intentionally because it was a coping mechanism when I was uncomfortable. Since it was all I had to fall back on when they spoke of things (experiences) I knew nothing about being much older than me. I was hurt though because instead of coming to my offense he was usually the first one to make the joke and therefore set the tone for others to make fun. His mother would make jokes but was usually the first to stop everyone else because she COULD actually see my discomfort.

Now I struggle to remember that lovely vocabulary and all the definitions. So i’m going through my my thesaurus apps and sprucing up new ways to say things but also while reading my books I enjoy seeing new ways to say the same message.

For example, I looked pretty sick this morning, my face was pale and I my hair was quite disheveled.

Yes, we can all imagine what that looks like because it is fairly common, but if I really want to grab your attention and kick it up a notch I may say something like:

Staring at my sallow countenance in the mirror I was morose to see that I had sweat through yet another t-shirt despite the air condition being on, and what is that mess of flattened, kinked, and knotted coils in severe disarray on top of my head?

I’m working on it though because I know I can do better!

images (2).jpg hahaha j/k  S.H.I.T. (So Happy It’s Thursday)

 

I Hate Editing, but I Must!

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So this was a problem I started to have while in my second round of grad school. When I was receiving that ‘much needed’ second masters in my mind I began to hate reading over my work that I had written for errors and editing it for several reasons.

  1. The was a center for editing and though it was not perfect, if you turned it in early enough it did the work for you and you barely had to edit anything.
  2. The papers would become so long that after about 10 pages I seriously got tired of hearing my own voice out loud and reading my own work over and over.
  3. I wanted the one work to be over with already. When you see something for too long you stop seeing the errors and sometimes the ‘smart’ processors, computers, and other technology we use no longer see the issues either until YOU can look at it with fresh eyes and say wait that was not the word I meant write there. (boy I have even seen that several times in my short stories lately when others have been helping me and lately and I have been both ashamed and embarrassed).
  4. I am just not good at correcting grammatical errors. I am NOT NOT NOT! I do not choose to change this. I learn a little each time I write but not enough to memorize or get it right and each time I think I have something down, it seems as if it was only a exception not the rule. UGH!
  5. And finally, I just get over excited sometimes. I sometimes think I have a perfect work or a work that is just ready to go because I have worked so hard on it and I have totally forgotten the editing process because I have been working so long or hard on it and just want to get it out there. Despite how important editing is and that can kill you every time. People will stop reading your work if it becomes to hard to read from spelling or grammatical errors, or worse yet you simply left out or placed the wrong word when you meant something totally different. That can change the whole temperament of the piece.

All issues I must overcome to become a better writer even if I hire editors! You need to be able to do this job so that you are able to trust them that much more to edit your pieces and know they are doing an amazing job. I will become a better writer and EDITOR.

27 Questions Blacks People have for other Blacks

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So I saw an amazing video I believe from Buzz Feed that was titled Questions Black People Have For Black People the reason I loved it so much it because these are some of the very questions I have had all my life and have even blogged about many of them. I just do not understand how many black people in the black community can behave, speak, and think this way and then find fault in how black people like myself have a hard time relating to how to ‘act’ black. I act like a human and keep it moving.

Do not stereotype me and place me in your idealistic box and glue me there as if I must stay in whatever picture you have envisioned for me. That is not how my life works and will not be made to work to make/ keep anyone happy.

I just adore this post because it was done tastefully but it said it all. Are there other cultures that deal with such issues? Is so please share. I am quite interested.