Haunted Woods and Scaredy Cats!

Boy Oh Boy did I have a blast last night! I went to a haunted woods event in a corn maze and I never thought I would have so much fun in my life. It really is all about the people you go with. I could have found myself whining and complaining about the cold, the long line, and varied effects but the people I was with made it all worth while!

First, the weather had dropped but I enjoyed myself because I was finally out of the house. I was determined to have a good time. Then we got in line and it took about 60 minutes or more to get through it but it we hardly noticed because we were so involved in our shenanigans. We were laughing at the zombies that walked out of  the maze and randomly stood beside unsuspecting people and scared them. We took pictures with them. We were talking about everything under the sun ad taking the time to catch up and for some, getting to know each other.

As we waited in line we began to hear random noises from inside the maze, LOUD screams that were realized were not the actors as groups of people were screaming. Then chainsaws and loud banging! It was crazy! I started to get a bit nervous. I was like man is anyone else hearing this or just me? Luckily they all confirmed they were hearing this and didn’t leave me as the oddball hearing stuff.

Then we got inside the maze…and GOD if they didn’t give us more rules than were posted before you paid to get your tickets at the booth (which were more like safety guidelines (no weapons, have asthma, if your’re pregnant, epilepsy, and such). They stated that the actors could not touch you but could get in your personal space so please don’t touch them (in other words try not to knock their block off when they scared you). Then they said TRY…T.R.Y. to stick to the path as much as possible. We were all like WHAT!?! The final straw was when they said you can SAFEWORD! Immediately someone yelled pineapples! The host laughed and continued saying um, “The safeword is SAFETY seems simple enough you can remember that. The actors will break character, remove their mask and remove you from the maze and you cannot come back in.” You cannot come in and out” so use the word only if you are serious!

Things got real then!

We go inside and omg I was like I we need a game plan! I did NOT want to be in the back where something could sneak up on me! I did not want to be in the front either…We were like we need a rotating plan so no one person is in the back too long. As soon as we went in that plan went out the window immediately. We had 2 scaredy cats in out 5 person group and they stuck like glue to each other scaring themselves, each other and anyone they touched, LOL. I had to get away from them. I eventually after 5 minutes, had to get in the back and was happy here! Myself and one of the other crew of our group enjoyed feeding the monsters and zombies through to our scaredy cats and watching them chase our newly formed track stars through the woods! It was hilarious! I almost peed my pants watching this for 30 minutes. Of course I gave you all the nice shortened version but know that this was an amazing night and each year they change the whole thing completely so I may be going back next year to do this again. Sorry for the shortened version but I must now get ready for tonight’s shenanigans which there will be pictures.

Happy Halloween Guys!

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Down the Wabbit Hole!

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You ever had an idea, thought, daydream, or dream that somehow progressed so far that when you got to a certain point you were like…HOW IN THE WORLD DID I GET HERE? I mean really, how in the heavens did I get from point A to point B in that thought process because and why do I seem so hell bent on getting to point B now that I am so far into it now. Why do I need to know this new information so bad? Why do I care so much about something that I did not know existed 10 seconds ago? I am sure it has to do with my level of clarity and cognition at the time but sometimes it’s fun to fall down the rabbit hole and let your mind wander and warp into this new place of crazy and deranged images that form fantasy. For me it creates some crazy blogs, new poems, new art/ paintings, and even pure joy! I find happiness in places I never thought was possible sometimes.

Think about it, some of my posts read more like short stories. I’m okay with that. I know not everything I say seems sane…again okay with that. I told you I operate on #teamweird. LOL! But sometimes I go so far down the rabbit hole it changes to the wabbit hole and gets seriously warped and I just start rolling with it. This morning after 3 days in a row of getting up at 4am and a going to bed late after parties due my dad’s retirement which I enjoyed I have been feeling quite out of it. I am not sane right now to say the least.

I heard jingling this morning in my facility…the obvious though should have been that a client had keys on them that were jingling…NOPE that where my mind went AT ALL! First I looked around paranoid trying to figure out what the sound was as if it was the most foreign sound I had ever heard like a bomb exploding…It truly was not that loud barely noticeable (but my sleep deprivation made it sound like it was in a glass jar! Then apparently my mind decided to get a get grip on itself but not like a normal person OH NO! It got used to what I thought was creepy or had unnerving! Instead I started hearing a random jingle that I cannot even say was a rhythm because I was not even listening to that hard (it might have actually been a rhythm because she was on a bike– but I couldn’t even be bothered to pay attention regularly) My insanity started boppin my head and thinking…ya jingling baby and singing LL Cool J in my head…Then Christmas music filled my head suddenly…and then I went blank…like I was on the fritz. I realized it was because the jingling had stopped and when it started it again I had physically saw the source and it ruined my imaginative thoughts because it was in fact keys around someone’s neck.

Moreover, I started thinking to myself…as everyone always tells me I need to write a book…What would I write about. I always said I would write an autobiography then I said who would want to read that, LOL. Then I said, I got it I would write about my family, though that would be funny, I think I would write a fiction book that is loosely based on my experiences and in my life and my wabbit hole adventures. I cannot see it another other way. What are your thoughts?

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Ode to Potatoes. BUBBA Ain’t Got Spud on ME!

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SO after talking to Amanda today she inspired me to write this post! 2 years ago when I was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis I learned that not only was it a neuromuscular disorder it is also an autoimmune disorder. With most autoimmune disorders balance is the key to keeping you stable. Balance of your system that is. That especially means what you eat. At the time I started noticing that at times I would eat things and they would cause me to have reactions that cause greater flare ups with my MG. But at the time I could not pin down what this was only that some food dishes did it like spaghetti which was something that we loved to make in my house that was quick and easy and I loved. I also noticed that I started having a few issues with potatoes but I was in DENIAL about this because it was no where near as severe a reaction as the spaghetti.

When I told my brother who happens to work in a hospital. He said he he heard about nightshade foods. I had not at the time. He said most people with auto immune issues cannot tolerate them. They have to stay away from them. So I started doing my own research and saw similar results on the lists were tomatoes (which made since with the spaghetti), eggplant (which I don’t eat), peppers (which did get me after being diagnosed), and POTATOES. I was saw it like this on the screen and bold letters though it was seriously not in caps. It was like my heart stopped.

I was like well you know what I see my hematologist and my doctors and my brother is not a doctor and I will ask them, LOL. I was totally in denial! Sure enough they confirmed the same things as soon as I said they cause flare ups and the symptoms I said I had and said I should back off them. I could do all of them easily (spaghetti was tough but I could) but POTATOES I litterally had tears come down my face before I could catch them.

I was like Kel from Kenan and Kel. “Who like Potatoes? Chris Likes Potatoes, I do, I do I do-ooo!!!”

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I was worse that Dr. Suess! “I will eat the on a goat in a boat surrounded by a goat!”

I could prepare them more ways than BUBBA GUMP from Forrest GUMP, “Baked, Twice baked, scalloped, fried, smashed, mashed, boiled, steamed, sauteed, creamed, and on and on…

My husband seriously was like is this fool really crying about potatoes! He told my mom and she was like you have no idea about the special relationship this child has with potatoes…Well that and cheese! Be glad she did not have to give that up, you may have to put her on suicide watch for that (and she did not crack a smile). He just stood staring at me! He was like there is no way. Then my mom said the child’s nickname was the fry kid when she was little. We just made he french fries or gave them to her when she was little. She would eat them cold, hot, home made, anyway you cut them. She always had room for them! It was like an addiction!

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My husband listened to this story in awe and just stared at me like I was some sort of a freak then said poor baby! then said what do you want and I smiled and said a baked potato and he looked to my mom for help and she was like she’s yours can’t help you with that one kiddo. I would take the life of Mr. Potato head and his whole family if I had to and I think my husband saw that murderous gleam in my eye! I was ready!

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Though I never thought I could do it I did it cold turkey for my health and did well for 18 months and then I would only eat it near treatment because hey it would be cleansed out of my system and fixed when I had plasma exchange, LOL. But even now if I have a potato I try to only eat one fry (yes 1) every few months or so. My husbands says it’s fine I know my body and nothing bad happens, LOL. I also take my spice/ peppers to an extent with the same result which tells me my body is doing better. I am happy but I will not push! I eat things that have tomato paste such a barbeque sauce in moderation but I still do not eat spaghetti or tomatoes though I miss them dearly. I think the reason I really could not do them was more due to acid reflux which I now take meds for so I may try spaghetti once near my next treatment to test it but not right now. I do not want to tempt fate! LOL!

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Hurry Up and Wait…

Welp. the doctor finally got back to me only to say that he wants me to try the fluid pill longer! He said it may take longer to work on me and to give it a few more weeks. He also to avoid salt. I don’t cook with salt and I already try hard not to eat a lot salt naturally but I will try even harder not to now just to see if that helps. I will do whatever it takes to see if things change. I seem not to be gaining anymore weight finally but I also do not appear to be losing any weight. However, I do not think me not gaining any weight has to do with the fluid pill as I saw the weight plateau about a week before I week before I went to the doctor.

I just hope this is not a sign of some other condition. I My skin; however, did clear up yesterday after some a trick that never worked before. I scrubbed with my sugar scrub and brushes in the shower and then lather with my body wash. Then I rinsed and put on baby oil gel and sealed it in with body cream. So far less skin peeling that normal. I’m thoroughly pleased. I use to try this before my skin condition and it never worked and then I tried just after it developed and it would not work. So I do not know if the fluid pill is helping that or my skin condition is getting better on my body because of that….It’s still pretty bad on my face where I cannot put baby oil gel and body cream…I still have to find a solution for that.

We will see!

Scary Movies…Who Said I was Scared?

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Tell me I’m not the the only one who enjoys scary movies but knows that they probably have no business watching them! I’m the idiot who has to see them and loves them but I have stipulations! I can’t watch them at night and by myself unless I can watch cartoon right after them so I do not dream about said movie in ANY capacity, LMBO. Moreover, if I watch it during the day I must watch it and then make sure I analyze how this movie could never be possible, LOL.

I was that child that watch child’s play at the age of 5. Yea no child should do that. What’s worse is my biological mother bought my brother and I the my kid sister and my buddy dolls. I had the black kid sister doll though and my brother had the white my buddy doll that of course was modeled after that durn chucky doll and of course my brother was young and tough on toys and ripped the stupid hat off and it looked just like CHUCKY. I hated it! It scared the heck out of me. I lived in fear of that doll. Then of course I watched an episode of a CARTOON on Looney Tunes called teddy bears picnic where all of Elvira’s toys came to live and and had a picnic and there was acute little song about teddy bears picnic. And I was like what if when I wasn’t looking that durn came to life. It was always in random places (obviously because he loved it and played with it but since I was not around when he played with it) it appeared that the doll just appeared in random places and would scared the heck out of me.

When we had to share a room when out of town guest came I made the doll sleep on the floor where I could keep an eye on it. My brother would get annoyed and confused because he was use to sleeping with it. I would say you can still see it and we have to share a bed (sleeping foot to head in the same bed at ages 4 and 5 years of age). I had to try to be logical in my brain I could not let him know I was afraid of it because my brother was mean and would use it against me even at 4 years old.

Even when I was a teenager and found that toy in a bin of our old toys I buried it deep in the toy bin since my mom did not want to get rid of the toys when I saw it as it made me gasp when I saw it, LOL. It was like when I opened them bin it almost popped out at me when the arm fell out. I Thought I died when I saw it…The black spots in front of my eyes told me so anyway, LOL.

Moreover, even my grandmother loves scaring me! It’s a shame. she likes scary movies too and will try her best to scare the crap out of me. She did it to her siblings too growing up. If you watch a scary movie near her she will try to make you jump out of your skin while watching the movie. She did it to me in the movie theater once. She threw straw paper at me right behind my ear and I jumped 10 feet in the air.

Yet I still find myself watching some of the scariest and intense movies ever. I will even look up movies from other countries to get that thrill. Because some of today’s Hollywood movies are not as scary as much as they are gruesome and slasher films. I need less gore and more thrill.

Skinwalkers…Who Is This In My Body?

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Do you ever get that feeling that when you look in the mirror you just do not recognize the person you are looking at? Or even when you are not looking in the mirror, you simply do not feel like you? You walk around in a haze and though you have a few moments per day or week or month that feel like you you just feel weird and out of touch? I have been feeling like this a lot lately. When it use to happen to me in the past I attributed it to my weight loss or the changes my body went through thanks to MG. However, now I know it has to do more with my anxiety as I have done more research and stop ignoring the fact that it does play more of a role in my life than I have been giving credit for it.

Though I tried to ignore it for so many years and say how controlled it was…It was not and caused some issues in relationships and with my comfort in general with myself. I have found that I seriously can retreat into myself and perfectly fine there WAY too long until I forget how to interact appropriately in so groups. Or at least that is how I feel. I start to desire less and less the desire to be around anyone that includes my poor husband. I would rather it just me and when I have him my pup. I always enjoy his company. I can read, play games, and watch anime all day. I don’t feel sad or lonely I just feel at peace. Some people would say this is a sign of depression, but I get up, go to work, get work done, shower, eat, and still manage my household, but just prefer to be alone and do things that only require me and appeal to me because I have get used to it.

I feel as if I have been ‘forced to it by being shunned, ignored, forgotten, or life happened’ so often that I have just gotten comfortable being by myself. I know that may sound horrible sometimes but that’s when I get the feeling that I don’t always recognize who I am. This is because I am use to being what others call ‘overly cheery’ and bubbly so when I am just happy or average like this it concerns them. It concerns me too at times but then I feel like in a way it because they have put me off so much in a way its sort of their fault, LOL. I look in the mirror and say who is this person who is staring at me? She looks like me but she is missing something…Its my spark! She is missing her social spark, that connection to people! That need to want to reach out and see how others are! To check in and see how what they have been up to. This is something I do whether they do it for me or not, yet I have been doing it less and less because I have become busy, more jaded, and guarded even.

I was always the first to do this since I could ever remember and recently in the last year I can say I just started to fall off. At first I use to care and even feel guilty, now I don’t even feel as guilty anymore because these same people do not check on me or are just as busy and therefore we all have our lives to live and catch up when we can. Yet I seem to be the only one in such a weird head space and I think part of that has to do with me not being as social and not being exactly where I want to be in life (still wanting children) so I’m still omitted from that special part of the my most of my friend’s lives.

They invite me to baby showers and kid’s birthday parties but since I have no kids I always feel a bit awkward. Then moreover, I cannot always hang with them as much as I like because they have kid things and I have no kids to help distract their kids (a play date) so it’s hard to have adult conversations. So we end up playing with them more than anything or they have to more involved in ‘parenting’ while we try to talk than they want to.

So all in all! I feel left out of a lot of situations! The last of the mohicans. I love children and will play with them and animals in a room before talking to most adults…However, right now I just feel like I am not comfortable with where I am and I am not sure how to change that until I get there. I still have to wait for my doctor’s clearance to have children which the wait is rough. And every time someone asks when are you going to have children especially someone I have explained this too a million times I want to slap them. Moreover, I feel that is a question that people need to stop asking women. Seriously! Ask them do they want children or do they have children and then if they want to expound on the subject they will.

Hopefully soon I will snap out of this again. I usually do at some point but right now I feel like a slave to these feelings! I am praying my vacation will free me of these feelings!

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MG and Thyroid Update

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It’s not my thyroid! So now they are scrambling to figure out what the problem is! Why is my skin going bananas, why is my weight going haywire. What is really going on all of a sudden. True our bodies change as we age and goes through cycles even, but to suddenly do it in a 2 week time frame (the weight) and then nothing goes back to normal what is up? The hair is also strange as well. I mean we are in a state of crazy right now. I mean it is not a state of emergency yet, but in my mind it is! I am not happy about the current state of events. So now I am waiting on a phone call for the step. Because I don’t know if you remember, but from the last update, they also gave me a fluid pill on Friday to start and now I have been on it for 5 days and have not lost any weight which they believed to be edema and mostly water weight. However, I do not feel any different and nothing has happened. So a new plan needs to occur. The nurse was shocked when I said I have not lost any weight yet yesterday when they gave me the results. SO…We wait for the doctor to call today and give me the next step.

Feeling Like An Object…

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There are days that I feel like I am just a piece of furniture or an inanimate object here to do the work for others and nothing more. I know I should not feel this way but I do. I feel like this at work and outside of work. I guess another term for this is taken for granted. Like Mrs. Potts there I feel as if I should be catering to people because it is what people demand of me ask of me. I try my best to never complain because I know things can always be worse. I knowing that working in customer service people come to you and expect things to be a certain way and that they have good days and bad days you have to give them the benefit go the doubt as well because they could be coming in having a bad day and maybe your smile and positive interaction could turn it all around for them.

However, that can be hard if someone is always using your place of employment as their way to get rid of their negative vibes which can sometimes be what a wellness/fitness center is. Where people come to melt away the stress. I get some who come in negative and though they may leave better they are not always the friendliest. You feel like they left their coat of ‘mean’ on you the coat rack to wear and kept walking. Like that was perfectly fine. You almost desire not to interact with them anymore. Sometimes I try to make it my mission during their workout to brighten their day anyway with a smile or a nice hello anyway or something. Then quickly walk off.

Half the reason I do this more now than I use to is because my regional director pushed us to years ago only he had no idea how some people responded to us doing this. It even resulted in people putting nasty things about some of us in surveys saying we talk too much interrupting their workouts. I was like see what happens when grumpy people don’t want to be talked too. Have one conversation and they will hold it like lava for months until the next survey and pretend it was the worst experience of their lives. Then it makes you almost never want to talk to anyone ever again.

Then outside of work I get those moments when I am taken for granted! I’m forgotten about more often than I would like to say when plans are made and I see many friends together in pictures and I’m like dang guys when was this? They were like you are always busy…and that is code for in the last 2 years for SICK. Which hurts! I am stable now so I try to reach out to everyone and say so since the beginning of the summer and say hey lets chill and do this or that but now everyone seems ROOTED!  It’s as if now that I am stable no one is going anywhere or doing anything and when they are it was a surprise they didn’t expect to go to or very last minute…I feel so disconnected. It’s as if people are afraid of me or my illness and handling me with kid gloves which is a bit annoying. I’m grown and I will let you know when I cannot handle something.

Then there are those who say she is tough…she can do it all and don’t pitch in at all even when I say I need help…I don’t get that at all! I call them, beg them, and ask them to help with something and they say they will (lip service) and then when it’s time for them to help me because they swear, “I should not be doing so much all the time and need to rest sometimes” they are no where to be found! These people amaze me as well! I just do not get them! Why offer a lie, or open your mouth, why not just say no I have no intention of helping like other people I know. At least they are honest. You won’t hurt my feelings by being honest, at least then I won’t be sitting there waiting around looking stupid thinking help is coming when in actuality I will be doing it by myself and later than I wanted because I actually waited on YOU!

I know this post is not very like me but lately I have been feeling very beat and whipped upon lately. Like I have endured a bit more than I would care to take lately. Not more than I can bear because the Lord would not do this, but more than usual lately. I don’t like to complain but, yes today, I am doing a bit of that purely out of hurt and sadness. I’m feeling all used up of my positiveness and need a good refill! I need a pick me up! I can hardly wait until vacation in less than 4 weeks! I needs it I have not had more than 2/3 day vacation in over 3 years not even for my honeymoon sadly thanks to this illness.

Blog Tips and Award Business!

Just like NenaMy first blog post was in July of this year and I remember feeling apprehensive about what the whole blogging experience would be like. I experienced my first mishap with WordPress right off the bat because I scheduled my post for a particular time and it ended up posting at the wrong time.

I realized(a month later) it was my fault because I did not have my blog set to my time zone 😛

I actually didn’t realize it posted at the wrong time until I kept seeing when the post would say it was most popular or someone had just made a comment. I was excited because someone actually read and liked my post! But I was also frustrated that I couldn’t make WordPress work like I wanted it to.

Blogging is a wonderfully amazing thrill that never allows me to to sit back and come of my tippy toes for the very moment I do I feel like I am missing something, but in a good way, LOL.  Being able to express my thoughts and bits and pieces of who I am with the world has allowed me to feel connected to the world in a whole new way that I have never felt before. However, I would not have been able to feel as confident and motivated to give to others if it were not for you…my readers.

The best part of blogging is the community of people out there, bloggers and non-bloggers, that support the freedom and beauty of expression.

People like Nena and Claire that so graciously nominated me for the Liebster Award. They are both beautiful bloggers with gorgeous spirits who are encourage, love, and support in life in its many endeavors and are worthy of following so I would recommend checking out their sites.

Liebster AwardExposing yourself to the world through writing can be difficulty enough without including the learning curve for managing a site.

Here are a few technical blog tips and links that have helped me find my way around WordPress and improve my blogging experience:

  1. How to add a photo gallery like I did in my Challenge | Photography post
  2. How to Reduce Your Bounce Rate
  3. How to add multiple pages to a post like I did in my 33 Questions post
  4. Pingback to alert a fellow WordPress blogger of a post you mentioned them in (I used this to notify my nominees for this post; link to a specific post on their site instead of linking to their main URL/site name)
  5. WordPress Smilies Commands
  6. How to Add a Downloadable Printable to a Blog Post
  7. Adding Titles and Alt Text to Images
  8. WordPress.com versus WordPress.org

Hope this list helps some of you like it has me 🙂

Ultimately, the key to a successful blog is being a giver like those I mentioned above. Visiting and sharing your genuine thoughts and “likes” on other blogs will result in the reciprocation of that same love back to you.

In the spirit of giving, I am going to pay forward the Liebster Award nomination to all my nominees for the Blogger Recognition Award.

The following are the rules for the Blogger Recognition Award:

  • Thank whoever nominated you and include a link to their blog.
  • Write a post and give a brief story of how your blog started.
  • Give a piece of advice or two to new bloggers.
  • Select 15 other blogs you want to give the award to.
  • Let the nominees know you have nominated them and provide a link to the nomination details.

*For the rules on the Liebster Award visit Anand’s post or click on the Liebster Award image above. If you have already received the liebster award, then feel free to use the idea of paying it forward to at least one blogger.

Nominees

1) Finesseh

2) The Happy Healthy Kiwi

3) Deborah Bryan

Keep up the sword and pen and enjoy your love for expression!

Much Love,

Chris