Learned Helplessness Pt. 2

I wanted to expound a bit on learned helplessness. Philly and I had a discussion about learned helplessness in an indirect manner. I realized that he as many of us do in some manner or at some point in life suffers from it. He suffers much more than most and his is from dealing with many negative situations that he believes he just ‘deals’ with and says it’s life and moves on with. When in actuality they beat him up leaves hard scars and he voices his feelings about them often because they still bother him.

I never mind hearing about them, but when someone voices their feelings about something frequently, it does bother you and most definitely you are not living life, over it, or any of those other phrases people like to say they are. Now Philly has used a few of these phrases but I am speaking now to the masses here so understand that. I merely use him as an example to get my point across.

When you become accustomed to life, a situation, or a person constantly beating you up you can forget that this is not normal in life and it can become your normal. You begin making every excuse as to why this is YOUR life and applying it to all the exceptions to your life as well. Such as all your shortcomings (gender, race, age, weight, health, education, social status, etc…).  You being saying why you cannot find the positive situations and it alienates others from you. It becomes hard for others to be around you because they find it hard to constantly pull you out of the negative loop you have created.

The Saboteur

Every new person you meet does not know your past. You have a chance to recreate yourself. To show them a new you. To begin fresh. Yet because you are so conditioned to the negative past you refuse to show them that new you, you believe they will treat you like all the bad exes, so you begin testing them and sabotaging the relationship. You become suspicious, or you are half interested.

The Rude/ Mean Person

You throw out rude mean comments and clear them up as a joke once you realize you may have hurt the other person’s feelings. Your friend/ partner may laugh these things off initially but eventually they will realize this is not cool and that you are in fact not a nice person. They may be superficially interested in you and once this phase wears off they will say even more hurtful things. Sometimes the hurtful things are never about you, but about others and this may also be a sign. They are lashing out. They are constantly finding everything wrong with the world and everyone else. Nothing is good about the world EVER, not even when you point things out. This can be a hard pill to swallow for a person who is really nice and cheery (optimistic). You will find yourself needing outlets and a social network just being around this person (they will rarely if ever uplift you). You will find that you will consume yourself trying to do that for them and have little of yourself left.

All in all people who have learned helplessness are considered mental health individuals. They have been through 1 or more negative experiences that have triggered a behavior to react in the manner in which they have. It is very hard to overcome.

  1. The first step is becoming aware of the behavior and reaction. Coming from someone who has had learned helplessness late in life this was hard to do, especially since the behavior was due to fear.
  2. Once you are aware of the situation, you have to want to change it. This means knowing you reason for it and having a solid reason at that (one that is positive- usually one that is just for you).
  3. Then you have to make a plan to change it
  4. Then execute that plan
  5. And modify/ re-evaluate if needed
  6. smile because you made a change you can be proud of

 

 

Learned Helplessness

Learned helplessness is when people feel helpless to avoid negative situations because previous experience has shown them that they do not have control. In this lesson, we’ll explore some of the causes and effects of learned helplessness.

Seligman’s Learned Helplessness Theory

In 1965, Martin Seligman and his colleagues were doing research on classical conditioning, or the process by which an animal or human associates one thing with another. In the case of Seligman’s experiment, he would ring a bell and then give a light shock to a dog. After a number of times, the dog reacted to the shock even before it happened: as soon as the dog heard the bell, he reacted as though he’d already been shocked.

But, then something unexpected happened. Seligman put each dog into a large crate that was divided down the middle with a low fence. The dog could see and jump over the fence if necessary. The floor on one side of the fence was electrified, but not on the other side of the fence. Seligman put the dog on the electrified side and administered a light shock. He expected the dog to jump to the non-shocking side of the fence.

Instead, the dogs lay down. It was as though they’d learned from the first part of the experiment that there was nothing they could do to avoid the shocks, so they gave up in the second part of the experiment.

Dogs who had previously been shocked did not try to escape the shocks in a subsequent experiment.
Learned Helplessness

Seligman described their condition as learned helplessness, or not trying to get out of a negative situation because the past has taught you that you are helpless.

After the dogs didn’t jump the fence to escape the shock, Seligman tried the second part of his experiment on dogs that had not been through the classical conditioning part of the experiment. The dogs that had not been previously exposed to shocks quickly jumped over the fence to escape the shocks. This told Seligman that the dogs who lay down and acted helpless had actually learned that helplessness from the first part of his experiment.

http://study.com/academy/lesson/how-seligmans-learned-helplessness-theory-applies-to-human-depression-and-stress.html

Someone Cried Foul

It seemed like everything I did or said went sour yesterday and it spilled right into today no matter how much I tried to prepare for today ahead of time. I tried to have things ready in advance for today since I get up before dawn on Wednesdays and this week I am house sitting further from my job.

I was not amused by the little invisible mischievous creatures wreaking havoc on my life yesterday and this morning. Making everything go haywire. It was like there were gremlins mucking up the hardware of my tech systems or something. Yesterday started with my parents trying to leave for their trip and I was uber sleepy because I went to bed late and then woke up early with them (I sleep really light). As I was getting dressed I kept staggering and swaying…Lack of nutrition (no appetite for 3 days, sick to my stomach).

Then I got up and went to work in traffic that I usually do not drive in and thought I was going to die. Not because it was traffic but because I had not been in that sort of traffic in so long that I almost forgot how to drive in it and felt like I was going to DIE. People kept trying to merge on me and then I almost cowered and lost it. Mentally I was not prepared for it.

I got to work and wanted to kiss the ground. I started working immediately head down. My boss sensed something was off but said nothing. I knew he sensed it because he kept asking if I was good. He kept assigning me stuff and I would knock it out in less than an hour and ask if he needed anything else, I was a machine! I just wanted to keep my mind off my durn stomach screaming at me and the black spots before my eyes.

I shot of a silly text, it was met with a mixed (seemingly frustrated reply). Hmmm. I texted BFF about how I physically felt (black spots, stomach, maybe I should go to the doc…) She nearly yelled at me. I was more talking out loud with no intention of going because I felt like if got more sleep my body would have handled this better (forget food, I was hydrated) I know, stupid! But I have been too stressed to eat and 1000 calories in 3 days was still sustaining somehow.

I went to the locker room and blacked out and scared the crap out of myself. I knew it was bad. So I came out, and told the staff what they need to know…I would go eat a banana, LOL. Not that I blacked out. I went and got a yogurt instead with fresh berries and granola 6oz. It was all I could stomach. This was 1:30p. It helped. Then at 8:30p I ate a chicken 60z of chicken salad wrapped in lettuce.

My doctor will not be happy that I lost 9lbs in a week today. Not this way. It was not intentional. They do not want me to swing drastically before surgeries. UGH. Due to not eating I’ve been extra moody and sensitive…We’ll call it HANGRY! Then when you are already dealing with other stressors in your life that I would rather not talk about but are pretty harassing yesterday I had no shining light and was fairly ignored. So I read my books, played with my dogs, and as usual entertained myself. Sadly it was the first time in a long time I can say I have had a really bad day!

Then this morning it was bad from the moment I woke up and look at my phone and realized I could hardly see it. My durn eyes were swollen from allergies, I forgot to take my allergy drops before bed last night. I could go on and on about all the small bad things that happened that I noticed but the good things are there and will continue

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YESTERDAY AND TODAY

I WILL HAVE A GOOD DAY…Because I never ALLOW 2 days in a row of BAD!

Being Beaten By the Ignorance Stick

There are people who strangely have the uncanny knack for being ignorant believe it or not. Yes I am being facetious. I have been taking a beating the likes of a George Foreman against Ali. Where he was quoted by CBS news as having been ‘mugged in the jungle’. He said he was in the wrong place at the wrong time going up against Ali (jokingly) as he got his but whooped.

Well if he was mugged I was hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray and then kidnapped, to be beat over and over with the ignorant stick.

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I have to wonder why people just cannot get certain things through their head and then why others even put voice to said needs. For example, we post signs on the door at eye level maybe once a quarter or during national holidays that we will be closed and they are up for about a week. Then we put the same signs up in the locker rooms at the front desk, on a sign going into the locker rooms, and send out an email. Overkill right? Apparently not!

We get several members who automatically delete these emails, walk past the signs, and ignore us reminding them verbally we will be closed the following day(s) and until they come in at 3:50p on the day in question and I say we are closing in 10 minutes and they get ANGRY. I mean turn red in the face, raise their voice, and sometimes toss their bag on the desk upset. All to ask me why they were not told the fitness center would be closing early or that day and closed for holiday at which point I try to calm them and explain that an email went out (at which point they cut me off before I can finish…they always do with some excuse) and then I point to all the signs that have been up for a week up to 10 days (which we always do). Obviously this does not help with their anger and they always try to ask if they can stay while I clean and I say I am nearly done and will be walking out right at 4pm sharp as I have been anticipating my vacation as much as they have been or should be too.

Well there was no shortage of this when it came to our center CLOSING for good either. All week people kept coming to us saying I heard a rumor the center was closing…I laughed, like literally laughed in their faces and had to play it off for the first few people. I said it’s not a rumor it’s FACT the email went out on ____ at ____. And they stood there waiting for me to laugh again. When I didn’t they were upset. They wanted to know who they could contact and we did not have an answer because the people they assumed it was were actually the ones on their side. Furthermore, I had no idea people would be so nonchalant and delete an email about a WHOLE CAMPUS UPDATE. But they did. Some deleted it, some ignored it, and some swear they never got it period to which I would forward it to them instead of repeating my like a broken record because these people were killing my voice and my time management with tasks I had to get done. All week we answered the same questions from everyone…the same ones that were answered in the email UGH.

Then as if the week wasn’t hard enough people starting asking about buying the equipment and we had to keep telling them that their company owned it and had other plans for it.

Many people were concerned for the staff member’s well being and our jobs which was sweet. We all still have our jobs and are moving to the other campus we kept telling them since this was not in the email. However, one person who should have known better due to her position and involvement in the closing of the facility came to me (as she is showing a potential leaser around) and this was the conversation:

Facility Female: SO this is it?

Me: Yep

FF: The last week huh?

Me: Yes, last day Friday (how many ways you going to say this lady) She awkwardly is standing looking at me now

FF: SO where will you guys be going?

Me: We will be going over to the other campus (which I named directly)

FF: Oh i didn’t know that location was ready?

Me: (confused) It’s the other fitness center that’s been there for almost 2 years (surely she can’t be talking about the NEW one her agency is building as I just said on the other campus…yes she knows I know about both but that we can’t talk about this in front of her client)

FF: I just didn’t realize that one was ready yet!?!

Me: Yep, well have a good day (WTH is this lady talking about she’s senile that’s got to be it. That site has been there for 2 years in October and if you couldn’t talk about that part in front of your client you shouldn’t have said ANYTHING at all about it if she wasn’t suppose to know about our other campus which I doubt was the case since it’s public knowledge, LOL).

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Each time that lady comes in she seriously makes me want to push her right back out the door though. She always comes in and gives people tours of the facility since she first started there and I’m like please let us as you never give accurate information. You get the hours wrong (which are on the sign outside the door), our names wrong (which are on the HUGE bulletin board by the front door), and the fact that everything is free except massage and personal training, telling them they have to pay for fitness classes and that’s not true, and so on. She makes me want to scream. I just want to knock some sense into her.

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Then there is the ignorance that I’m enveloped in my personal life. Is seems to come through taking me out at the shins like coffee table corners when you are half sleep. I just cannot seem to  get a handle on how one seems to walk through life not understanding that you are afforded every opportunity and you are wasting it. Some people are so ungrateful and refuse to be responsible and live up to their potential. They would rather make excuses and later dwell on how it could or should have been when others would kill/ or have killed to be in their position.

Though I could analyze these things a million times over, today I just cannot take my brain there another minute.

 

 

Every Little Victory

I celebrate every little victory even if it is only me and in my own little space. For example I may have done everything on my to-do list and felt very accomplished and I may sit and read a book after doing a small happy dance and singing and laughing. Yea that sounds a bit hysterical but my to-do list are pretty intense most of the time. similar to this below for personal to-do lists on a nice week, LOL.

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My most recent victory is that I was told that for my single fiber EMG test I do not have to stop taking one of medications ahead of time that tends to cause complications for my PLEX treatment. I’m on a high level of aspirin because I have a lupus anti-coagulant. What this means is that I do not have lupus but I do have really thick blood. So to help thin it I drink TONS of water take 325mg of aspirin a day. For the test they say I have to stop blood thinners but this apparently does not include aspirin, even at this this dosage.

Originally I had pushed my treatment to Thursday just to give my aspirin time to kick back in before going to get PLEX so I would have less issues during treatment (clotting) and we would not be there for 4-7 hours and more like 3. Now with this news I can go the same day as the test which is great since the test renders me dang near immobile and unable to swallow. I even feared I would not make it to treatment on Thursday after the test but I didn’t want to voice it because I was just going to pray. So this morning I just called to be sure about the aspirin before confirming treatment times again with my local neurologist before going to work this morning and Oh FRABJOUS DAY! CALLOOH! CALLAY!

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I was so happy I skipped out of the house without my phone and welp there you have it! I tend to celebrate all my small victories all the time and my husband even looks at me a little weird sometimes but he will get over it. This is what I do because I enjoy giving praises to God for it and just being happy in general, I can’t be a gloomy pants person! Hope this brightens you day even a little! Futterwack with me! LOL!

 

 

Busy Busy Busy= 3 levels of busy

Lately I have been so busy it is quite stressful and hilarious. I have 3 levels of busy. I have work busy, home busy, and just plain ole busy.

Work Busy

With work busy as the name implies this deal with all the things associated with my jobs. I am stressed (good and bad) with things dealing with my jobs. I have certain deadlines, facility closures, customers, and a gazillion dates, and projects to keep up with. I try to do this seamlessly; however things to get a bit manic at times. I start some emails out really friendly and creative and sometimes find myself typing so hard and fast with emotion that my head and fingers hurt after I am done. These emails are the ones that I have to let sit in my drafts for a bit to allow them to cool and re-read before I send them to make sure I still have a job later…

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Class, respect, and tact is the name of the game. Then I go to my blog where I can say what I want, like how they should go belly flop off the highest diving board (because I don’t want them dead just in temporary discomfort…)

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Home Busy

So home ‘busy’ levels includes everything home. This is all things personal like my marriage, bills, errands, vacations, hanging with my friends and family, chores, and things along those lines. Its what people would usually say is everything else outside of work. I would even say this include my health and medical bookings and so on as well which encompassed a lot of my life at one point and still can be a lot as I have to schedule all my events around how I feel physically.

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Plain ole busy #insanity

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So this is when things just get out of control and I have no time for anything. I have had to start cutting things that are considered important to just to fit in more things that are important and nothing fits anywhere anymore and I am exhausted and yet the light at the end of the tunnel is usually so far off that I usually have to pretend my light at the end of the tunnel are my naps…

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and I dare you to wake me or think you are more important than the nap if it is not an emergency. In other words if someone has not died or is not dying…I DO NOT CARE!

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So there you have it right now I am experiencing all 3 levels and today when I hit my nap again before going to my second job I will be right back to plain ole busy getting ready for tomorrow so yea…Sorry not sorry. My next few weeks will be like this until I can get treatment, this move at my job happens, and a few things behind the scenes happen that I cannot quite talk about yet though I am anxious and excited for them to happen…#lifechanges #soontocome

Pushing to far or not?

I have to say that lately I have been doing a bit too much in terms of physical strength versus what I have to give in terms of my MG. I have overdoing it quite a bit lately and though I know this is not a good thing knowing that unlike most people I have no reserve and once I deplete early in the day I could seriously damage and land myself in the hospital if I go TOO far…I push anyway.

Some people ask why. Well it is not always a simple clear cut and dry answer. sometimes it is because I am frustrated and I am tired of waiting on others to do things that they say they are going to do (their job/ responsibility) and do not so I just do it.

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I can’t help it sometimes, it’s just my type A personality taking over!

Sometimes it is because I really just want to feel normal and hang out with friends and family but my body really was not up for it and I should have been at home resting or sleeping instead. But because I have spent so much time between school, work, and now this disorder being missing over the years I just want to be part of my family and friends again. (However, I learned with some of those people, this feeling is not a 2-way street and they are just trying to make me feel guilty for that time away though they had made little or NO effort since).

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Other times I push myself because I need to try to make new boundaries and see if I have improved any with my Myasthenia Gravis. I never want to become complacent with it. I want to see if I can eventually go years without treatment if possible until they can find a cure.

Then there are the rare occasions like now, where medical experts will not allow me to get treatment and want to ‘stress’ me a bit and go on like normal so they can run tests (single fiber EMG) on me. They even wanted me to stop several medications before seeing them; however, I told them with my set of symptoms my mestinon could not be stopped before hand without a plex treatment having occurred in the last month in this heat. I mean I have been sucking on my inhaler like it was oxygen the last 3 days.

More so, since I have to stress myself anyway and cannot get treatment yet until afterwards we might as well make it count because I do not want to wait to do extra over exerting things for after treatment occurs and ‘ruin’ the purpose of my treatment since I do not plan on getting another for 3-5 months after that. So we are rearranging our house now and doing ‘spring cleaning’. It’s hard and I am probably doing more than I should faster than I should but I am tired of looking at the clutter and mess and though it is not all mine and he is kind of helping as men do

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Ok he’s not this bad but you get the idea…

I have to spearhead this or it will not get done before the treatment and my house will never look the way I want it.

 

Growing Together

I have learned a lot since being married that I did not quite understand while dating my husband. He is more quirky than I realized, some may say complex but that is not true. Complex would imply that he truly was on a deeper level at times and though sometimes he is many times he is not but he is simply quirky and living the #teamweird life that I thrive off of. He has no idea, rhyme, or reason for why he does some things and is waiting to be guided toward something that gives him purpose at times.

He is truly one of the most laid back go with the flow or NOT guys I know. He will sit and do nothing for ever then suddenly he must be going somewhere for no reason at all just to sit and do more nothing (at least that is how it seems to me).

But as a woman I know it is because he wants to hang with the guys. I have learned that my husband and I together are interesting to others. We actually make other people stare in a very comical way most times. We bond together through games which is basically how we met (a recreational softball league). It’s obvious we have this in common and enjoy. So it is only natural that we play a ton of computer games, cards, board games, mobile games, console games, and so on. We also can be very competitive. We aren’t usually sore losers/ winners though thank goodness. I think we would probably divorce if we were, LOL. I cannot stand a sore loser or winner it drives me crazy.

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My husband is also a very touchy feely (COLD-NATURED) person. what this means is he wants to nuzzle and cuddle under my hot-natured self all the time and I cannot deal, LOL. I feel like I am going to ignite and spontaneously combust into flames each time he touches me for more than 3 seconds.  I feel like I was burned where ever his skin has come into contact with mine though in actually it may have slightly become warmer and even clammy though he NEVER notices. He is just happy to be near me and touched. He is just a very affectionate person. I used to be this way until I was broken by one ex in particular transitioning from high school to college. I tried my hardest even then to ignore the fact that we were both hot-natured but he was not a touchy feely person and pushed me away constantly and it made me self-conscious about be near people in that way. I have been unable to revert and being hot-natured has made it easy not to want to go back, PLUS with MG it makes me SUPER weak when I get over heated because I get up feeling like spaghetti and then I have issues talking and eating. So yea…I need to get him a little stuffed animal, blanket, or a something.

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Another thing I have learned is that my husband is a very visual learner and must not only hear you ASK him something but he needs to see it to remember it. Moreover, even if you think you are asking it becasue it is the inflection in you voice where you think it is obvious that it was a question and that it was nice or a joke, he may have taking the tone completely different depending on his mood because my husband has just come to terms that he is more emotional that he would like to think. Like most men they bottle up their emotions but for him he did this way more than most for so long that it caused some deeper issues and now he tends to wear them on his sleeve with those closest to him and take it out on us. I have had to learn to show him when he is doing it and to lovingly and patiently help him see this is not conducive to our marriage and especially the situation. That is not always easy for such an outspoken woman…I had to learn how to be tight-lipped some days. Then explain later how I felt and that I am glad he got the point before I kindly dotted all his I’s (eyes) crossed his T’s (testes) and gave him the biscuit he asked for at breakfast (throat punched him).

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I love him though. Now if I could only get the little scavenger to stop eating my snacks. He has one more time before I…

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Testing of all sorts

I am coming up on a much needed single fiber EMG which makes me so nervous I could vomit but I shall try to contain myself. A single fiber EMG may not sound that bad but believe me when I tell you how bad it was for me you…

So a single fiber EMG evaluates how well the nerve and muscle communicate.  It involves insertion of a recording needle electrode into the area of the nerve-muscle communication point (the neuromuscular junction). There may be some discomfort with insertion of the electrodes (similar to an intramuscular injection, or a shot that goes right into the muscle). A single fiber EMG is often done on an eye, forehead, or forearm muscle. CITED- http://www.netwellness.org/healthtopics/gravis/box2.cfm

Ok maybe it doesn’t sound like it’s not that bad! Because I have had it done twice and when I say a needle in your forearm, forehead, and in your neck is not fun- what I mean to say is IT HURTS LIKE HELL AND DON’T LET THEM TELL YOU OTHERWISE. My Expert’s exact works were (when he had to put it my forehead and I was already drained from everywhere else he had gone and tired was, ‘this part is going to be a bit ouchy’ I am sure that is NOT a professional term and if he is using ouchy that at this point I should just shoot myself!

I take friggin 15 & 16 gauge needles with no anesthesia in both arms (and this was often and he was pricking me in my forehead near and I just did not want to see that durn needle coming! Was that too much to ask! Apparently it was. And in a teaching hospital, nothing happens fast, so having an EXPERT in a teaching hospital means they put him in a basement where he can write amazing books and publications and do studies but it means that everyone else around him may well be incompetent.

So just after my test (as I was already at my weakest being admitted to the hospital in the first place) they tried to give me my meds after taking them away for 2 days and guess what I could not swallow and choked on my water and was sent to the ICU and vomited and choked on that and the students just stared. One even had the nerve to ask me what I was doing as I was just strong enough to put my head over the rail and not lay back and drown in my vomit in my almost flat bed. Finally, though I had been holding it down like a crazy person for several minutes, the person on the other end of my call bell stopped being lazy and realized it was a real emergency in the ICU (go figure) and stop asking what I needed. She realized what state I was in and went into action.

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I was in full panic mode by this time. I was absolutely terrified because I could not breathe through the vomit and they were trying to grab the suction for me and I snatched it and suction myself and felt better immediately. I just needed them to turn it on, lol. Then I was so weak afterwards I almost passed out. They put oxygen on me, a forced oxygen kit because I was no longer breathing well on my own…wonder why!?! When my family came in and saw that they went ballistic.

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So needless to say I am very anxious about this test. This time I have warned my parents that I am not admitted just outpatient and if they are not allowed to go back with me that I will not take meds until they are with me and we will drive back across town to my preferred hospital as their hospital lost that right just over 2.5 years ago. You don’t get to almost kill me again, LOL. That tested me in ways I didn’t not expect! But I am definitely stronger because of it. I know I can do it, even if I do not want to do it again, it is better to conquer it, educate myself on my progress, and move on.

CELEBRATE LIFE-Negative People

Understand life is your gift! There are too many things to be grateful about to allow negative people to descend upon your life like vultures. There are many types of negative people and sometimes we are not always aware of the negative people who are sucking the life out of us so let me enlighten you! It’s about to get real:

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THE WHINERS

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These are the ones who were probably sheltered most of their lives and/ or given everything they wanted as soon as they began to whine to suffice them so they continued the behavior well into adulthood. They unfortunate thing is that they literally whine about EVERYTHING. From their everyday life to every thing they see and everything that happens around them while you are with them even when it is a fun engagement and everyone else is having fun! They can down right throw a temper tantrum  because they are not getting their way.

THE CYNIC

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This person is so jaded and use to being let down by life that they try to beat every good moment/ person with the seeing the bad side first. They always play the devil’s advocate and see the ‘rusted’ lining instead of the silver lining. The tend to come off more sarcastic and will even try to pass things off as jokes. However, after a while you learn this person needs to adjust their views and let go of the past that has let them down so many times and focus on the good things that have happened.

 

THE RUDE/ JEALOUS ONE

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These people are typically just flat out blunt about life and sometimes out right mean. They can (not always) seek to attack others because they are underdogs and want to attack them like bullies to make themselves feel better. You may not even realize it because they pick on you but as soon as other’s pick on you they stick up for you, with the premise, “only they can pick on you-and I’ll kick you arse if you try cus that’s my friend”. Yes sometimes friends have a few laughs at our expense, but a ‘friend’ who ALWAYS brings up your bad moments, is there when you are down to show you how good they are doing, and only helps you if they can get something out of it is likely jealous of you. Sometimes the rudeness is a front for how they really feel about you! Sometimes it is because they are just mean people who like to assert their power!

THE COMPLAINER

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This person is the one who is most negative. They are like the whiners but they are different in that their negativity is not solely personal. They complain about what happens in every situation. They complain about the good things, the bad things, the situation, they are in, and the ones they could be in. It is funny how they even beg for something to happen and when it happens and it really is a good thing, they still complain. They are just ungrateful all the time. This can be brought on from a few things including learned helplessness and from long stents of depression.

GOSSIPERS/ INSTIGATORS

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This one does the most damage for all those involved because it is both preventable and can be stopped with the person doing it and you (the person listening). These people can destroy a person’s character and not always intentionally but more out of something to talk about or say. When it’s intentional it is even worse and can have devastating effects. Throwing ‘shade’ is another way to say instigating a dispute so be careful of these new terms that you want to bandwagon on and feel relevant, cool, or popular because eventually you will be labeled at THAT ONE and if you are okay with that so be it but if not CHANGE IT.

THE REMEDY

Surround yourself with positive people. Talk with a therapist. If you are the positive person and there are negative people in your circle try to be patient with the negative people (at first) and tell them about their behavior. If they do not start to make changes then you have to let them go (remember this will not happen over night so be patient if they really mean that much to you). They have to begin with acknowledgment, acceptance, and positive self-talk!

However, patience does not mean to be blind or sacrifice your own well-being. If the person is not changing you have to cut them so you can continue to flourish. Even if it is your family, you can love them from a distance. It doesn’t mean you have to be disrespectful, you can still speak and show love but you do not have to actively hang with them. Again just focus on enjoying life.

Now I will say this, I keep the occasional cynic in my group and I like a person who knows how to play the devil’s advocate in analytical thinking, but not be a constant negative thinker. It is good to have those who possess these attributes at times but not ALL the time. So be mindful and be careful of those who are sucking the positive energy out of you.

I just cannot keep caring about all this negative stuff and I must be free! It’s almost Friday and I have checked out!

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