Jumping At My Shadow

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There are times that we feel most confident and then there are times that we are at our most vulnerable and sometimes for the silliest moments of doubt and we pray no one saw us jump at our shadow! I have to admit I have been having a few of these moments lately. Not the I have been watching scary movies and you walked up behind me and scared me to the moon and back moment but the did I see something peeking from around the corner of that wall just a second ago moment…(and more importantly did you see it too).

We all want to validated in these moments and then we feel better. However, when we are not we feel even more vulnerable, or dare I say off kilter. The worry comes from a bit of anxiety of past issues and not really trusting if I am getting better with my MG, my tracheal stenosis, and with my anemia, among other things. I start to wonder if these things are coming back when in fact they usually are not it is just stress playing tricks on my mind or causing me to have a slight exacerbated symptom for a short period and giving the illusion of such. For example, MG causes breathing or swallowing difficulties as it is so it can e hard to know if I am having an issue with tracheal stenosis or narrowing of the windpipe at that time which I had surgery to fix. I get nervous wondering if it was actually fixed. However, when I am calm my rational mind says, you have not had any real problems like before and you have been able to breathe just fine. It is like just your MG having a bit of a flare with stress and you have an appointment for your follow-up for the tracheal surgery next week so RELAX. But that is easier said than done, lol. But I have to have these little talks to help myself. I have to pray often. But sometimes I feel as though there is something creepy lurking around that corner just in my peripheral and I wonder if anyone else saw it! I just want someone else to say yeah, but then when it’s nothing I’m like you didn’t see anything so why did you say yes? LOL (but secretly I’m glad that they were on my side sometimes, hehehe! Luckily I know who to go to for the real truth and the bandwagon truth.

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